Episode Recap: Amazing Race All Stars (Season 11), Episode 1

Episode: I Told You Less Martinis and More Cardio Original Air Date: February 18, 2007 It had to happen sooner or later. Welcome to the Obligatory "All Star" Season of The Amazing Race. Every reality show does this sooner or later. Studio and network executives worry because viewers are starting to get burnt out on a particular show. So they look at their "List of Things to Do to Keep People Watching Your Tired Reality Show", and say, "Which of these things haven't we tried yet?": 1 Shocking Twists (i.e. host does not wear necktie some episodes, see The Apprentice) 2 SNAKES! 3 Bring back losers from past seasons and hope that they aren't the reasons viewers are burnt out on your show. Studio executives could try all of those things, if they apply. Or they could try something completely different like, oh, say, not airing two entire seasons of the show every stinking year! Helloooo!!! Give us a chance to miss the show, for Pete's sake! But I digess. This season will feature 11 teams from the past 10 seasons. We meet them right away as they arrive by speedboat to meet Phil in Miami (because, as we all know, you can't just drive to Miami). Kevin and Drew - Friends from Season 1. Both have gotten married since appearing on the show. Rob and Amber - Season 7. Why? Because they just haven't been on enough reality shows. Seriously, this has become a career for these people. Oh, and in case you didn't know, they got married since the last time they were on the show. Whoopdee-friggin'-doo! Uchenna and Joyce - This married couple actually won Season 7, but things haven't been going so well for them since. According to Uchenna, "We're growing apart. The fact that we haven't had the child has caused stress." So they're on the brink of divorce and... what? Maybe they're hoping the stress from being in the race again will push them over the edge? Dustin and Kandice - Beauty queens/souless ogres from Season 10. "Hate" is a strong word, but I'm not sure what other emotion would cause me to want to shoot my TV at the sight of these two. It's clear that the Evil Barbies still share one brain as they finish each other's sentences and tell us that they're sure the other teams will be "out for blood". Maybe we'll all get lucky this year and these two will be eaten by alligators or something. Joe and Bill - The original Obligatory Gay Couple from Season 1. Once again, they've named themselves "Team Guido", after their little rat of a dog. Charla and Mirna - Cousins from Season 8. This is probably my all-time favorite team from The Amazing Race. They proved to be pretty tough competitors in Season 8, in spite of the fact that Charla is only 4 feet tall. They know, like, 20 languages and have been all around the world. Mirna is an attorney who received her doctorate at age 23. Charla is a real estate investor (their Season 8 bio said Charla was a co-owner of a chain of sporting goods stores). They've both gotten married since they last appeared on the show, so maybe Mirna won't be throwing herself at Phil this time. David and Mary - Yes! Yes! Yes! The redneck Kentucky couple from Season 10. At least we know now this season won't be boring. Teri and Ian - Married (grand?)parents from Season 3. Ian promises to "kick butt" this season. Hey, watch your language, Ian. Oswald and Danny - "Best friends" from Season 2. These two had quite a spat a few years ago, and have since made up. "Now we're platonic husband and husband", Danny says. Whatever that means. John Vito and Jill - Formerly dating couple from Season 3. John Vito is apparently too good to have just one first name like the rest of us. He and Jill have broken up since being on the show, so they're hoping this will bring them back together. Yes, there's nothing like the stress of running a world-wide race while having your every move taped for global television for fixing your relationship. Eric and Danielle - Dating couple from Season 9. These two were actually on separate teams on Season 9. They met during the race and have been going out ever since. The teams race to pick up their backpacks and read their instructions (which tell them to go to Ecuador), then run to cars that are waiting for them. Well, I'm not sure what Drew is doing can actually be called "running". Kevin yells back at him to hurry up. He yells back between huffs and puffs that he's "doing the best" he can. Meanwhile, little Charla, and I think a few snails, run past him. Nine of the teams arrive at Miami International Airport in rapid succession and scramble to find parking spaces. David nearly runs over Charla with his car in the process. There are two flights leaving for Quito, Ecuador - one of them leaves earlier, but arrives almost two hours later at its destination. Most of the teams figure this out and immediately book the flight that will arrive earlier. Kentucky Couple David and Mary, who are not exactly known for being Mensa candidates, book the earlier flight then find out about the other flight. David tells the agent not to book the flight they ask for, but it's too late. They've already been checked in. The Evil Barbies arrive at the same counter just after David and Mary have booked their flight. They ask the rednecks what flight to take and Mary tells them with a very straight face that the earlier flight is the quickest. As Dustin and Kandace get in line, they wonder out loud if maybe Mary was lying to them. They figure out what's what and make their way to the other ticket counter. Unfortunately, the flight is full. Half of the teams are unable to book seats on the flight that arrives first. Once in Quito, the teams must take a taxi to the Plaza de San Francisco. There they find instructions which direct them to Pim's Restaurant, where they will each take a number corresponding to one of three departure times for the next morning - 7:00 am, 7:15 am, and 7:30 am. Everyone from the first flight except for Teri and Ian get the 7:00 am departure time. Meanwhile, we are treated to interviews where everyone talks about how excited they are to be racing Rob and Amber. Back at the airport, David and Mary told Rob and Amber how thrilled they were to get to meet them. Amber even tells us, "If we were asked who we're excited to be racing against, we'd say 'noone'. But if you were to ask everyone else, they'd say 'Rob and Amber'." But John Vito tells us, "I'm getting tired of Rob and Amber, and I think the rest of America is, too." I'm beginning to like John Vito, even if he does have two first names. The second flight arrives and Kevin and Drew are the last to make it to the Plaza de San Francisco. Drew, who is about "in shape" as a giant used bean bag, steps out of the taxi and immediately proceeds to hurt himself by falling down and injuring his shoulder. He continues to moan in pain after picking himself off the street and getting back into the cab. He tells Kevin he thinks he may have dislocated his shoulder. These two should just quit now. In fact, maybe Drew shouldn't even have gotten out of bed this morning. Drew's shoulder eventually feels better, just in time for him to notice his knee is bleeding. These two somehow manage to make it to the restaurant ahead of one other team, Eric and Danielle. The next morning, the teams are instructed to make their way to a national park where they will perform their first Detour (a choice between two tasks). In this case, the choices are either "Wrangle It" (lasso a horse and clip its hooves and tail) or (Recover It) put on an old Ecuadoran army uniform and search a field for three missing pieces of the uniform. Rob and Amber arrive first and choose to do the task with the uniform, only to quit in frustration and switch to the other task. Yet, they still finish well ahead of the other teams and arrive at the pit stop in first place. Phil tells them they have won a ski trip to Canada and a stay in a luxury resort. Well, good. Enough nice things haven't happened to Rob and Amber as a result of being on TV. Oswald and Danny come in second. Charla and Mirna arrive at the park, but find themselves at the South Entrance. But the instructions told them to take the North Entrance. Mirna decides it would take too long to back track and take the North Entrance, so she decides to take the South Entrance and look for the location of the Detour task. After stopping to ask directions, they find out they are an hour away from where they want to be. Drew and Kevin, who are in last place, are still looking for the park. Drew remarks how nice Peru is. Kevin points out they are in Ecuador. Eventually, Drew and Kevin, David and Mary, and John Vito and Jill enter the park, all behind Charla and Mirna. David and Mary and Charla and Mirna all arrive the ranch and finish their Detour tasks, making it to the Pit Stop at about the same time, with Charla and Mirna slightly ahead. While on the mat, David gushes about what big fans he and Mary are of Charla and Mirna. I thought he was a big fan of Rob and Kimberly? He sure is fickle. Drew and Kevin get a flat tire, but Drew says, "I'm not changing a tire," and keeps going. Soon, they're driving on the rim, but Drew isn't slowing down. It's insane, but it pays off. Drew and Kevin finish just ahead of John Vito and Jill and avoid elimination. John Vito and Jill are the first team to be eliminated this season. Next week - Everyone's afraid of Rob and Amber. Charla gets into it with the Evil Barbies.