Episode Recap: American Idol - Season 6, Episode 5

Episode 5 Original Air Date: January 30, 3007 Birmingham - home to Bo, Reuben, and Taylor... and my sister-in-law, but that's not important right now. The Contestants Erica Skye, 19 - Another contestant who mistakenly thinks singing Simon's favorite song, "Unchained Melody", will give her a better chance of getting through. That's only true if you can actually sing. Erica caterwals this song so painfully Paula has to leave the table. She won't stop singing even after the judges give her a resounding "no". Randy almost has security escort her out and Simon tells her, "Erica, you just have to shut up." She directs a brush off gesture over her shoulder to the judges as she finally leaves. Once outside she tells the camera, "I just wish they could have been a little nicer." Has she ever seen the show before? Katie Bernard, 19 - She's got such a squeaky speaking voice she sounds more like a cartoon character than a real person. She tells us her voice gets even higher when she's nervous. But she starts to sing and out comes a very soulful, low voice. Randy wants to give her a chance and votes to send her through to Hollywood. Simon votes "no", presumably due to her speaking voice. Paula is on the fence, due to her speaking voice. So Katie brings her new husband into the room to help her convince Paula to vote "yes". Her husband doesn't know what to say, but Katie keeps pleading in a somewhat scatterbrained sort of way. Paula is convinced, nontheless, and votes to send Erica to Hollywood. But both Paula and Randy tell her to work on getting rid of the "affectation" in her speaking voice. Tatiana McConnico, 17 - She shows up in the stadium wearing fuzzy slippers. But there's nothing fuzzy about her voice. This little girl can belt it out. The judges vote her through with no discussion. Randy calls her the best in Birmingham so far. Diana Walker - Diana is short and squat, sort of like a cue ball. She comes to the audition in an odd pink and black dress accessorized by a single pink sequined glove. She sings "I'm Saving All My Love" by Whitney Houston for the judges. Simon tells her that he's never heard that song sung that way, and Diana thanks him for the compliment. Unfortunately, he didn't mean it as a compliment. It's a unanimous "no" for Diana. Bernard Williams - He sings "Rock With You" by Michael Jackson. Simon says he's "really good" and votes "yes". Paula says he's got a very nice voice, but he's "really off-key", which was my opinion, too. But I'm not a judge. It's up to Randy, who seems to be unsure. Bernard tries to appeal to his brotha, "Dawg, come on." Randy is persuaded and votes him through. Margaret Fowler - Margaret, a plus-sized lady, is dressed in a bright yellow feathery ensemble. The theme from "Sesame Street" plays as Ryan's narration introduces her to us. Randy asks her how old she is. She tells him she's 26. "Right, I'm 11," Randy says, then he points to Paula and Randy, "and she's 9, and he's 10." Margaret sings her song, which isn't terrible, but is no where near good enough to get her to Hollywood. After she's done, Simon says, "I've got to be honest with you. I have no idea what this show is anymore. I've got you standing before me dressed like some kind of Easter Bunny experiment nightmare. You're not 26, you're singing is atrocious and you're not going to the next round. But you might as well own up - how old are you, really?" "I'm 33." "I'm going to ask again. How old are you?" "50." Jamie Lynn Ward, 17 - She's a good ol' country girl who helps her grandma take care of her "daddy", who's paralyzed from the chest down. She tells her whole terrible life story to the judges, who are deeply moved. It seems her dad shot himself in the neck after finding out that Jamie's stepmother was cheating on him. Now Jamie and her elderly grandmother have to take care of him. "But it's OK," she says sweetly. She tells us if she wins American Idol she will buy her grandma a one-story house so that her grandmother doesn't have to walk up and down stairs. Fortunately, she can sing. She sings her song in a nice multi-textured voice. All of the judges vote her through, but warn her not to try to "power through" her songs too much as she sounds much better when she uses her "normal" voice. Because of her sad life story, smoking hot good looks, and humble sweetness, I predict she'll be a fan favorite. Chris Sligh - Chris is a rolly-polly guy with a tiny eyeglasses and an unruly mop of long, curly hair. He's also very funny. He tells us, "Some people tell me I look like Jack Osborne. Other people tell me I look like Jack Black. But when I look in the mirror every morning, it's not those people who I see. It's Christina Aguilara that I see. I think that's who my body looks most like... There's never been anyone who sounds like me, and I mean that in a good way. A lot of people say they don't sound like anyone else, but that's because they sound like crap. I hope that I don't sound like crap. Aw, man, I'm starting to get worried now. Maybe I really do sound like crap." As Chris walks in the audition room, Randy asks him, "Why ya here, man?" "I really want to make David Hasselhoff cry," he says. (David Hassellhoff was seen in the audience crying after Taylor Hicks won during last season's finale.) Paula thinks he's hilarious. He sings "Kiss From a Rose" by Seal and does a great job. All of the judges love him and send him through to Hollywood. He tells us, "I went in and just let my personality show. I gave one look to Paula and she just crumbled in my chubby little hands." The next day, Randy and Simon are on their own as Paula had to fly back to Hollywood due to "family obligations". Victoria Watson, 18 - Victoria's hair is six feet long. It's so long she has to wear high-heeled shoes to keep from stepping on it. Her mother's hair is just as long. The Addam's Family theme plays as we see the two of them from behind walking outside the stadium. In case we don't get the reference, Ryan tells us that Victoria has the "It factor". She tells the judges she wants to be the next American Idol because she thinks she would be a good role model and she would like to reach people's hearts and uplift them with her music. In spite of her lofty and selfless goals, she performs a mediocre audition. Simon tells her that her performance was one "only a mother would like a lot". Both Simon and Randy vote "no". Lakia Hill - As Lakia sings her song, I'm reminded of something an elderly friend of mine once said to me regarding the singing of another friend, "It's may not be musical, but at least it's loud." Once she's done, Simon asks, "What the [heck] was that?" As Ryan points out, the Birmingham contestants are for the most part pretty polite when they are rejected. Most of them tell the judges "thank you" after getting brutally dismissed. Rednecks can be pretty polite. Nichole Gatzman, 17 - Nicole is accompanied today by family and friends, all of whom are wearing pink T-shirts that read "Team Nichole". She sings "Something to Talk About" by Bonnie Raitt for the judges. I think she sounds good, though just a little off-key in parts. But, once again, my opinion plus five dollars will buy you a fancy caffenated beverage with an unneccessarily long name at Starbuck's. Both Simon and Randy thinks she sings through her nose and vote "no". But Randy thinks she does have potential and tells her to try out again in the future. Brandy Patterson - Brandy says she has an extraordinary voice and when the judges see her, they're going to think "Where have you been? We've been looking for you." She sings "Like a Virgin" by Madonna, after which Simon says, "Thank you for an absolutely rotten audition... Brandy, everything about that was wrong." "Well I think you wrong," she responds, then later adds, "Maybe it's the floor or something." "Of course," Simon responds, "It must be the floor." He then tells her to move to the carpet and try it again. So she walks to the floor. Simon says, "You are barking mad, aren't you?" Brandy tries it again with "Proud Mary", but does even worse. "Well," Simon says, "that was a massive difference! I take back everything I said. How anyone could sing on that floor is beyond me." It takes awhile for the sarcasm to sink in for Brandy. Brandy says, "It's your decision. You're loss...You don't know talent when you see it." "Out you go," Simon tells her. "See, that's what I'm sayin'. 'Out you go. Out you go'." "Brandy, I don't want to hear anymore of this rubbish." "Rubbish, mubbish. I don't even know why y'all judgin, because Paula better than y'all anyway." The witty banter continues as Brandy talks to Ryan outside. Simon and Randy just happen to walk outside while she's there since she was the last contestant and it's the end of the day. "Is your family here?" Simon asks her. "Don't you be worryin' about my family!" She calls Randy a faker and tells him to get his fat [butt] back inside. A perfect end to a perfect day. Tomorrow - Los Angeles.