Episode Recap: American Idol - Season 6, Episode 6

Episode 6 Original Air Date: January 31, 2007 Los Angeles - Most people think that "Los Angeles" is Spanish for "The angels", but it actually translates to "the angles". The Mexicans were huge on geometry. The judges are joined this time by Olivia Newton-John. The Contestants Martik Manoukian - Martik's stage name is "Eccentric". He should've chosen "Freakin' Weirdo". He tells us, "I'm an athlete. I will get into acting. I will also get into modeling. I will get into being an author, as well as a singer, songwriter, choreographer, producer, and composer." His specialty is his panther impersonation. "When I was fourteen and fifteen, I was a kitty cat, but now I'm a full grown panther... The reason I should be the next American Idol is because I am the most exciting entertainer on Earth." He bursts into the Audition Room and throws his notebook down on the floor. Then he takes his jacket and shirt off and throws them dramatically to the side. After that, he starts pacing back and forth doing his panther impersonation. Simon finally interrupts, "I'm not being rude, but can we get on with the singing?" Martik decides to perform one of his orginal songs, which includes a bunch of panther sounds. Surprisingly, none of the judges vote to pass him along to the final round. He's not fazed by this though. He tells Ryan, "I think I'll go up as big as Michael Jackson, maybe bigger." Sholandric Stallworth - He's decided to try out for American Idol because it's time to bring romance and love back to music. He performs "If Ever You're In My Arms Again" for the judges. I have heard more pleasant sounds come out of cats who have gotten their tails slammed in a door. Randy tells him he's about 12 keys off. Mariana Riccio - Her mom is Maria Loren, who used to perform with Dean Martin. One would think her mom could tell her how badly she sucks. After her performance, Simon tells her she sounds like "Cher after she's been to the dentist". She drops to her knees and begs the judges tearfully for another chance. The judges are not moved and all of them vote "no". She leaves, but then brings her mom into the room to help her beg. But mom convinces her to leave. Alaina Alexander - She's at a cross-roads in her life. She either gets through to Hollywood today or she gives up her dreams entirely. Fortunately for her dreams, Simon thinks she's "really, really, really great". Everyone else likes her, even though Randy thinks she's pitchy. She makes it to the next round. Phuong Pham, 17 - Phong believes she has a lot in common with Taylor Hicks, because her family doesn't support her dreams. When she told her mom about her plans to try out for American Idol, her mom told her, "Let's face it. You're just not TV pretty." That story is not nearly as painful to listen to as her singing. She does not make it. Brandon Rogers - Brandon has been a backup singer for a number of stars, including Christina Aquilara. He sings "Always On My Mind", and does as well as you'd expect from someone with that resume. All the judges love him and pass him along. Brian Millar, 19 - Brian tried out last year and made it to Hollywood, but didn't make it that far afterward. Simon can't remeber him, so he says he's forgettable. Simon votes no, but the rest vote "yes". He's coming back. Sherman Pore- Sherman is an elderly gentleman who came to the tryouts with a petition signed by over 300 people demanding that he be allowed to audition. He started the petition in order to lift the spirits of his wife, who was in the hospital dying of Cancer. She died two days before the audition. He's way too old to make it to the next round, but the judges let him audition out of respect. He sings a sweet old song, which he dedicates to his wife. His performance (which is pretty good) is so heartfelt that it moves Paula and Olivia to tears. Even Simon makes him come over to the table so he can shake his hand. As Sherman leaves the stadium he tells us, "I did it. I won. I'm a winner." Covette Carr and Darold Gray - These two are a couple from Compton who came to try out together. What turns Covette on the most about Darryl is his gold teeth. They can't keep their hands off of each other while they're waiting to audition. However, Covette, who goes by the name of "Sparkle", starts to flirt so shamelessly with Simon that she makes him nervous. That's not enough to save her performance, and she doesn't make it through. Once Darold comes into the audition room, the judges tell him all about his girlfriend putting the moves on Simon. Randy asks him if he's a jealous guy. He says, "Nah, look at my teeth. What do I have to be jealous about?" Darold doesn't sing any better than his woman. Simon asks him, "Do you and your girlfriend ever sing together at home?" "Sometimes" "Are the police ever called?" "It depends what kind of music we have on." At least he's witty. Eric Mueller - Eric has devoted the last two years of his life preparing for this audition. He's spent five to six hours a day practicing and studying different artists. Those are two wasted years that he will never get back. Simon tells him, he's "absolutely atrocious." Eric takes his leave. But after Eric leaves the room, Simon notices in the contestant info that he's been religiously following the program on Randy's and Paula's DVD "Learn to Sing Like the Stars". Simon can't pass up this opportunity to be snarky and calls Eric back in. But Randy and Paula tell him to leave before it's too late, which he does. That's the end. Since we're in LA, surely we're done with the auditions. So next week must be Hollywood! Woo-hoo! Next week - San Antonio... What?! NOOOOOOO!!!!! (At least that will be the last city on the audition tour).

Episode Recap: American Idol - Season 6, Episode 5

Episode 5 Original Air Date: January 30, 3007 Birmingham - home to Bo, Reuben, and Taylor... and my sister-in-law, but that's not important right now. The Contestants Erica Skye, 19 - Another contestant who mistakenly thinks singing Simon's favorite song, "Unchained Melody", will give her a better chance of getting through. That's only true if you can actually sing. Erica caterwals this song so painfully Paula has to leave the table. She won't stop singing even after the judges give her a resounding "no". Randy almost has security escort her out and Simon tells her, "Erica, you just have to shut up." She directs a brush off gesture over her shoulder to the judges as she finally leaves. Once outside she tells the camera, "I just wish they could have been a little nicer." Has she ever seen the show before? Katie Bernard, 19 - She's got such a squeaky speaking voice she sounds more like a cartoon character than a real person. She tells us her voice gets even higher when she's nervous. But she starts to sing and out comes a very soulful, low voice. Randy wants to give her a chance and votes to send her through to Hollywood. Simon votes "no", presumably due to her speaking voice. Paula is on the fence, due to her speaking voice. So Katie brings her new husband into the room to help her convince Paula to vote "yes". Her husband doesn't know what to say, but Katie keeps pleading in a somewhat scatterbrained sort of way. Paula is convinced, nontheless, and votes to send Erica to Hollywood. But both Paula and Randy tell her to work on getting rid of the "affectation" in her speaking voice. Tatiana McConnico, 17 - She shows up in the stadium wearing fuzzy slippers. But there's nothing fuzzy about her voice. This little girl can belt it out. The judges vote her through with no discussion. Randy calls her the best in Birmingham so far. Diana Walker - Diana is short and squat, sort of like a cue ball. She comes to the audition in an odd pink and black dress accessorized by a single pink sequined glove. She sings "I'm Saving All My Love" by Whitney Houston for the judges. Simon tells her that he's never heard that song sung that way, and Diana thanks him for the compliment. Unfortunately, he didn't mean it as a compliment. It's a unanimous "no" for Diana. Bernard Williams - He sings "Rock With You" by Michael Jackson. Simon says he's "really good" and votes "yes". Paula says he's got a very nice voice, but he's "really off-key", which was my opinion, too. But I'm not a judge. It's up to Randy, who seems to be unsure. Bernard tries to appeal to his brotha, "Dawg, come on." Randy is persuaded and votes him through. Margaret Fowler - Margaret, a plus-sized lady, is dressed in a bright yellow feathery ensemble. The theme from "Sesame Street" plays as Ryan's narration introduces her to us. Randy asks her how old she is. She tells him she's 26. "Right, I'm 11," Randy says, then he points to Paula and Randy, "and she's 9, and he's 10." Margaret sings her song, which isn't terrible, but is no where near good enough to get her to Hollywood. After she's done, Simon says, "I've got to be honest with you. I have no idea what this show is anymore. I've got you standing before me dressed like some kind of Easter Bunny experiment nightmare. You're not 26, you're singing is atrocious and you're not going to the next round. But you might as well own up - how old are you, really?" "I'm 33." "I'm going to ask again. How old are you?" "50." Jamie Lynn Ward, 17 - She's a good ol' country girl who helps her grandma take care of her "daddy", who's paralyzed from the chest down. She tells her whole terrible life story to the judges, who are deeply moved. It seems her dad shot himself in the neck after finding out that Jamie's stepmother was cheating on him. Now Jamie and her elderly grandmother have to take care of him. "But it's OK," she says sweetly. She tells us if she wins American Idol she will buy her grandma a one-story house so that her grandmother doesn't have to walk up and down stairs. Fortunately, she can sing. She sings her song in a nice multi-textured voice. All of the judges vote her through, but warn her not to try to "power through" her songs too much as she sounds much better when she uses her "normal" voice. Because of her sad life story, smoking hot good looks, and humble sweetness, I predict she'll be a fan favorite. Chris Sligh - Chris is a rolly-polly guy with a tiny eyeglasses and an unruly mop of long, curly hair. He's also very funny. He tells us, "Some people tell me I look like Jack Osborne. Other people tell me I look like Jack Black. But when I look in the mirror every morning, it's not those people who I see. It's Christina Aguilara that I see. I think that's who my body looks most like... There's never been anyone who sounds like me, and I mean that in a good way. A lot of people say they don't sound like anyone else, but that's because they sound like crap. I hope that I don't sound like crap. Aw, man, I'm starting to get worried now. Maybe I really do sound like crap." As Chris walks in the audition room, Randy asks him, "Why ya here, man?" "I really want to make David Hasselhoff cry," he says. (David Hassellhoff was seen in the audience crying after Taylor Hicks won during last season's finale.) Paula thinks he's hilarious. He sings "Kiss From a Rose" by Seal and does a great job. All of the judges love him and send him through to Hollywood. He tells us, "I went in and just let my personality show. I gave one look to Paula and she just crumbled in my chubby little hands." The next day, Randy and Simon are on their own as Paula had to fly back to Hollywood due to "family obligations". Victoria Watson, 18 - Victoria's hair is six feet long. It's so long she has to wear high-heeled shoes to keep from stepping on it. Her mother's hair is just as long. The Addam's Family theme plays as we see the two of them from behind walking outside the stadium. In case we don't get the reference, Ryan tells us that Victoria has the "It factor". She tells the judges she wants to be the next American Idol because she thinks she would be a good role model and she would like to reach people's hearts and uplift them with her music. In spite of her lofty and selfless goals, she performs a mediocre audition. Simon tells her that her performance was one "only a mother would like a lot". Both Simon and Randy vote "no". Lakia Hill - As Lakia sings her song, I'm reminded of something an elderly friend of mine once said to me regarding the singing of another friend, "It's may not be musical, but at least it's loud." Once she's done, Simon asks, "What the [heck] was that?" As Ryan points out, the Birmingham contestants are for the most part pretty polite when they are rejected. Most of them tell the judges "thank you" after getting brutally dismissed. Rednecks can be pretty polite. Nichole Gatzman, 17 - Nicole is accompanied today by family and friends, all of whom are wearing pink T-shirts that read "Team Nichole". She sings "Something to Talk About" by Bonnie Raitt for the judges. I think she sounds good, though just a little off-key in parts. But, once again, my opinion plus five dollars will buy you a fancy caffenated beverage with an unneccessarily long name at Starbuck's. Both Simon and Randy thinks she sings through her nose and vote "no". But Randy thinks she does have potential and tells her to try out again in the future. Brandy Patterson - Brandy says she has an extraordinary voice and when the judges see her, they're going to think "Where have you been? We've been looking for you." She sings "Like a Virgin" by Madonna, after which Simon says, "Thank you for an absolutely rotten audition... Brandy, everything about that was wrong." "Well I think you wrong," she responds, then later adds, "Maybe it's the floor or something." "Of course," Simon responds, "It must be the floor." He then tells her to move to the carpet and try it again. So she walks to the floor. Simon says, "You are barking mad, aren't you?" Brandy tries it again with "Proud Mary", but does even worse. "Well," Simon says, "that was a massive difference! I take back everything I said. How anyone could sing on that floor is beyond me." It takes awhile for the sarcasm to sink in for Brandy. Brandy says, "It's your decision. You're loss...You don't know talent when you see it." "Out you go," Simon tells her. "See, that's what I'm sayin'. 'Out you go. Out you go'." "Brandy, I don't want to hear anymore of this rubbish." "Rubbish, mubbish. I don't even know why y'all judgin, because Paula better than y'all anyway." The witty banter continues as Brandy talks to Ryan outside. Simon and Randy just happen to walk outside while she's there since she was the last contestant and it's the end of the day. "Is your family here?" Simon asks her. "Don't you be worryin' about my family!" She calls Randy a faker and tells him to get his fat [butt] back inside. A perfect end to a perfect day. Tomorrow - Los Angeles.

Episode Recap: American Idol - Season 6, Episode 4

Episode 4 - New York Original Air Date: January 24, 2007 New York City - A sleepy little backwater community somewhere on the American East Coast. In this episode the judges are joined by Carol Bayer Sager, "legendary" singer/songwriter. Her songs include: "Groovy Kind of Love", "That's What Friends Are For". The Contestants Ian Benardo. Ian has tried out for So You Think You Can Dance, and flopped terribly. But his spirit hasn't been deflated. He describes himself to the judges as a singer, dancer, and superstar. When Simon says he's not a superstar yet, Ian insists he is, and if Simon doesn't believe him, he can just ask Ian's 'friends, parents, and therapists' (he has two). He non-sings "Gloria" for the judges in a thick, New York accent. When Simon tells him he's no good, he insists on seeing Simon's work visa. He has to be escorted out by security. Sarah Burgess, 19, from Ohio. She lied to her parents, so they think she's at a friend's house in Ohio. Her father doesn't want her to be singer, and has told her he will not help her with school if she pursues it. She nails "Call Me". Simon says she's not the best singer, but she has a good voice, and she's a "tryer" and he likes her. All the judges love her and pass her through. Ryan makes her tearfully call her dad in front of the camera to deliver the news. It turns out her dad's not such a bad guy and is happy for her. Fania Tsakalakos. She has a strong Greek heritage, and has spent time in Greece. She said she was invited to tryout for the Greek version of Idol during her stay there. She didn't try out but did end up performing as a background dancer for their concert tour. She says when people associated with the tour heard her sing they told her she should've tried out for the show, because she "totally" would've won. Apparently, the Greeks have a different idea about what makes a good singer. Simon calls her performance of "Africa" by Toto "actually appalling". Ashanti Johnson. She's tried out for American Idol before and made it to Hollywood twice. She performs "Loving You" in her audition. None of the judges are impressed. But Carol suggests she tries out for Broadway. She pleads melodramatically for the judges to change their minds and gives an Oscar-worthy speech. Amanda and Antonella, best friends who apparently share one brain. They want to suggest that this year there be two American Idols. They hope to compete as a group. The judges ask them who is the better singer. Antonella says Amanda is trained and she is not. At first, they perform a duet together, but the judges do not like it. Amanda performs "Crazy", and doesn't do too badly. The judges pass her along, but say she needs improvement. Antonella performs after Amanda leaves the room and actually does better than her "trained" friend. All of the judges pass her through to Hollywood. Cliff Biddle. He comes in and screams a ZZTop song. The judges don't care for his performance and ask him to do another song. So he plays his harmonica for them. Paula and Randy likes the harmonica playing, but unfortunately, this is a singing contest. One contestant actually comes to the audition in an astronaut suit. Kia Thornton. Performs "Ain't No Way" by Aretha Franklin and wows Simon. She cries when Simon tells her he liked her performance. The judges unanymously pass her through, but tell her not to "oversing". The next day, the judges have to start without Simon, who has a "singing hangover". Randy is there, but he's wearing the same candy-striped, barbershop quartet shirt he wore yesterday. Jenry Bejarano, 16. All the judges love him and pass him through to Hollywood. Nakia Clairborne. She has enough energy to power 20 city blocks all by herself. She does a decent job with "Dancin' In the Streets", but the judges want to hear her sing a song where she can tone it down. She sings her second song way off-tune. She comes out of the room heart-broken, and all of her energy is gone. Sarah Goldberg. She performs a rendition of "Dreamin' of You" that surely has Selena rolling over in her grave, over and over and over again. Carol asks her if she really truly thinks she can sing. Sarah responds "No." "So why are you here?" they ask. "Even if I don't sing, I could be the next American Idol," she tells them tearfully, "because I've never sung before. You could teach me. I could practice.. I could be the only American Idol who's never sang before." This girl is nuttier than a pile of squirrel droppings. She screams to the camera as she leaves, "I'm friends with these people [other contestants] and Bill the security guy, because I have been here forever! And do you know what they told me? They told me that the American Idol judges went out drinking here in New York last night until 3am! That's rude!!" Simon rejoins the group around midday. Antonio Torres Jr., 47. He walks in dressed as Frank Sinatra and sings "New York, New York" just like Frank - if Frank were hoarse, and tone-deaf. Jory Steinberg. She's been all over the world and has met all kinds of royalty. She's so good she could sing for royalty. All the judges love her and send her through to Hollywood. Porcelana Patino. She's says she's been "militant" about getting ready for the audition. She's been getting up at 5am every morning to work out for the last year. She's lost 15 to 20 pounds for the audition. She's obviously been working on her voice too. She has a very unique sound that works. When the judges tell she's going to Hollywood, she's so happy she wants to hug them. Randy, Paula, and Carol all get up for a group hug. Of course, Simon's not a hugger. Christopher Henry. He looks like a lot like George Michael and kind of like Simon. In fact, Simon tells him he's "very good looking". But he sings like a girl. Simon tells him he should be singing "in a dress and stilletos". Paula and Simon get into it because Paula tries to give him some constructive advice not related to the competition, but Simon tells her to stop wasting time. Christopher doesn't make it. Rachel Zevita, 18, an opera singer. She's skipping school for this audition and says if the school finds out, she could lose her scholarship. She says she has to make it, because she has no plan B. She sings her first song in a genuine rock chick voice. Carol asks her to sing another song, which she does in a soft, feathery voice. Randy asks her to sing opera, which she does very well. She's incredible versatile. Simon asks her which kind of singer she wants to be. She says she wants to be herself, which is a singer, writer, rock star. All the judges vote her through. Christopher Richardson. He kills it. Simon says he's someone "who could possibly surprise us in the next round". He's going to Hollywood. Nicholas Pedro. Nick made it to Hollywood last season, but bowed out in the middle of group rounds. He sings "Fly Me to the Moon" and does ok. Carol and Paula thinks he's wonderful and all the judges vote to send him through to Hollywood. Isadora Furman. She's a clairvoyant by profession and reads Ryan's palm. She's also a street performer. Her first name is Julie, but she hates that name. So Ryan keeps calling her Julie. She sings "Lady Marmalade", but I can only recognize it from the lyrics. It's hard to tell if she's performing or having a seizure. When Simon calls her performance "fantastically terrible", she says "Whatever. You guys only choose pop singers." Randy and Paula point out Chris Daughtry from last season, but Simon says, "I don't think rational advice is necessary right now." Next week - Birmingham.

Episode Recap: Season 6, Episode 3

Editors note - We've had some technical problems here at TVChicken.com which prevented us from getting these posts out on yesterday and the day before. Episode 4, the New York episode should be up this afternoon sometime. Episode 3 Original Air Date: January 23, 2007 Memphis. The home of Elvis, and... well, Heck, that's all any town needs, isn't it? The Contestants Frank "Frank 'n' Beans" Byers, SAU cheerleader. I've always wondered how male cheerleaders avoid getting beaten up. He sings "Heard It Through the Grapvine" and does a great job. But the judges hate it. Simon calls his performance "corny"and "cabaret". Paula says it's "over the top." None of them say he can't sing. Evidently they haven't had their coffee yet. Frank's rejected, but do you think that gets him down? He's a cheerleader, dang it! He leaves the room and cheers with his squad, who are waiting for him in the hallway. Not caring for the noise, Simon leans his head out the door and says, "I'm not being rude, but could you shut up?" I don't know, but if you have to preface everything you say with "I'm not being rude", maybe you are being rude. Appropriately, Ryan cusses Simon out in response. Timika Sims, 16. She's so inarticulate when she talks to the judges, Simon has to ask her to repeat herself several times. She sounds like cat stuck in screen door. She makes sure to flip the camera the bird on her way out. Christopher Rivera, 16. He sings a Stevie Wonder song. He sounds like he's singing backward. Stevie would turn over in his grave - if he were dead. Alexis Partee. He sings "Square Biz" by Tina Marie. He's the third person so far that Simon can't understand. Apparently, something gets lost in translation between American Southern Drawl and British Butt Pimple. Jason "Sundance" Head. He's Roy Head's son. You remember Roy Head. He had a number one song that got knocked off the charts by the Beatles. You remember him now, right? Me neither. Sundance sings "Starry Monday" and does pretty wel. The judges are very impressed. Simon says he will be 'amazed if you don't make the finals'. After Sundance leaves the room, Simon says he blew 'Taylor out of the park'. Wandera Hicheye. She's alright, but she sounds just like a lot of other singers who are alright. The judges reject her and she cries as she leaves. But she's not just sad, she's mad too. She takes a swipe at the camera as she leaves. Travis McKinney. He plans to a song about him and his girlfriend. He promises that everyone in the room will be emotional. He starts off with a spastic Michael Jackson dance, then launches into a weird non-rap. Randy said he sounds "Crazy". Danielle McCulloch. "If You Want My Lovin'" by Aretha Franklin. Randy isn't "blown out" by her, but Paula likes her. Simon likes the "bluesy quality" of her voice. It's 2-to-1. She's going to Hollywood. Christopher "Topher" McCain. Is "stoked" at the opportunity to meet Paula. He says she's "hot". Fortunately for Paula, Topher is available now. He's just split up with his wife. It seems he caught her messing around. He forgave her, but she said she wanted to keep messing around. That's when he put his foot down and told her that it might possibly be time to try being apart, if that works for her. He sings "Footloose" by Kenny Loggins. Simon compares him to a drunken Karaoke singer. This is another guy who looks like he'd be better suited for Beauty and the Geek. Janita Burks. She looks like she just walked in from the red light district. She says, "My style works in with my confidentiality." She's very, um, confidential in her ability to sing. She performs "Disco Inferno". and almost shakes out of her dress, if you know what I mean. Sean Michel, homeless man with a long beard. Says he looks like "Osama bin Laden, or Jesus Christ, or Castro", which is understandable since all of those guys look alike. He surprises everyone by doing a great job during his audition. Randy tells him, "I don't care what you look like, you can blow!" Melinda Doolittle. She's a professional background singer. She performs "For Once In My Life" by Stevie Wonder. She does extremely well, which is what you'd expect from a professional singer. The judges love her and tell her she needs to have more confidence in her abilities. She's going to Hollywood. Robert Lee Homes. He tells Ryan that he's not going to dance, but he'll do some "Boodlin'". "I have a outstanding voice and an outstanding vocal," he tells us. He tells the judges, "I write stories." When the judges ask him what his stories are about, he responds, "About the music of Robert." Simon asks him, "How would you end this story?" "With a period," he says. He sings "Burning Love" by Elvis Presley, sounds more like he has heartburn. Philip Stacey. He missed the birth of his child for this. He tells us he plans to sing "Let's Get It On" by Marvin Gaye, because he's positive that's the last thing his wife wants to hear from him today. He changes his mind once he gets in the audition room and sings "My Girl" by the Temptations instead, and dedicates it to his wife and two daughters. He starts the song kind of weird, but ends pretty well. He tries another song, but starts it off weird too. Randy and Paula vote him through, but with reservations. Tomorrow - New York

Episode Recap: American Idol - Season 6, Episode 2

Episode 2 Original Air Date: January 17, 2007 Seattle. Another two hour special. And I still have to watch and recap Beauty and the Geek tonight. It's times like this when I doubt the wisdom in starting this site. The Contestants Brendan Grover. He comes dressed as Uncle Sam. Maybe he thought he was trying out for Let's Make a Deal. He tried out last season in his police uniform and sang "I Shot the Sheriff". Since Brendan likes coming in costume, Randy concludes, "He's undercover." Brendan's song is "God Bless America". But singing it that poorly has got to be unpatriotic. Paula says, "Next year he'll come dressed as an Indian chief." Jennifer Chapton. Calls herself "The Hotness", probably because no one else will. As she walks into the audition room, Paula has to remind The Hotness to take out her gum. She sings "I Want Your Love", but her hotness fails her. After Simon offers his typical politely phrased constructive criticism, Jennifer tells him he "don't know nothin' about no music." Amy Salgado. Her husband didn't come with her. He told her the audition would be a "waste of time". But she knows she sings well because her five-year-old little boy tells her so. That's kind of like concluding your a good person based on how happy your dog is when you get home. She sings a Christina Aguilara song - badly. But she explains she has a cold and asks if she could just drink some water and try again. She drinks some water and tries it a second time. Simon says the water makes her sound worse. Randy tells her she's tone deaf. At least her son still likes the way she sings. Darwin Misharina Reedy, "Misha". Misha describes herself as "sexy", which she says is "more of an attitude." She must have one heck of a sexy attitude, because she looks just like her mom, who looks like a librarian. Together, they have written a novella about a music competition, with a character who happens to be a lot like Simon. They tell Paula that Darwin used to sing Paula's songs when she "was little". That should make Paula feel good. Darwin sings "Don't Ya" by the Pussycat Dolls. None of the judges like it. But both mother and daughter say they "still love American Idol," and make the most graceful exit I've ever seen on the show. Too bad there isn't a prize for best attitude. Thomas Daniels. This is his third time auditioning for American Idol. He slept behind trash cans outside last night while waiting in line to audition. He sings his song and does a great job. All three judges love him and send him through. Why didn't he make it the first two times? Thomas runs out to tell his family. It looks like his whole family, including their little dog, showed up. As everyone rushes to hug Thomas, a terrified Ryan is left holding the dog. Melissa Carlene Carbros. Comes with her little dog Misha. For some odd reason, Randy starts her off on "I Like Big Butts." She excitedly complies, dance moves and all. For her real audition, she sings a Christina Aguilara song. Voice goes out of control, probably due to nerves. She does not get through. Blake Lewis. Blake is the beat boxing champion of Seattle. Randy asks him to demonstrate, and he's pretty good. He sings "Crazy" by Seal for his audition. He's good, but barely squeaks by. His dad cries when he hears the good news. David Mills. Performs a horrendous rendition of "Lean on me." Unlike most of these delusional losers who leave still believing that they are great singers, David tells Ryan, "This is a major wakeup call for me." Brother and Sister Shuyamali and Sunjaya Malakar. First Shuyamali, the sister, tries out. she has a very pretty voice. Paula and Randy love her, but she needs to work on her confidence and showmanship. Simon thinks she isn't the slightest bit unique, but defers to his colleagues. She gets through. Little brother Sunjaya tries out next. Does better than his sister, and the judges tell him so. He gets through easily. Nick Zitsman. Software engineer. He should have tried out for Beauty and the Greek instead. His coworkers encouraged him to come, of course it doesn't matter that they haven't heard him sing. He sings "Unchained Melody", which is was Simon's favorite song. "What the bloody [heck] was that?", Simon asks. A wide-eyed Nick responds, "It was me." "It was almost nonhuman." This guy has got to be put on a another show. He's got that William Hung, "You have to watch me because I'm such a train wreck" quality about him. Rudy Cardenas. Last contestant of the day. He plays bass guitar in a band. He starts out really well, but is a little pitchy at end. Simon votes no, but Paula and Randy overrule him. Rudy gets through. Only seven people out of the thousands who try out on Day One make it. Simon is quoted in a local paper as saying "Seattle has no talent." Surprisingly, the people of Seattle don't appreciate that bit of constructive criticism. Kenneth Briggs, looks like a member of the Addams family. Simon tells him, "You look like one of those creatures who live in the jungle with those massive eyes." But Kenneth thinks he's more like Justin Timberlane, and he's got the dance moves to prove it. None of the judges are impressed. Johnathan Jayne. Kenneth's new buddy, whom he met in line for the audition. Johnathan is wearing a Hawaiian shirt tucked into black pants, which are hiked way up around his pudgy frame. Simon asks him if he borrowed Randy's trousers. Kenneth sings "God Bless America", but not very well. He's such a nice guy, even Simon hates telling him "no". Eric Chapman. Hairstylist. He looks like Taylor Hicks' goofy-looking little brother. He comes in acting drunk. He sings "Drift Away" so poorly that Simon makes him swear on his mother's life that he's serious. After being rejected by the judges, Eric takes out some hair cream and approaches Simon saying he wants to give him a new hairstyle. Security has another idea and makes him leave. Anna Kearns. She's 6'4", 6'7" with heels. Everybody has ask her about her height. She sings "Respect" by Aretha Franklin really loudly. She still gets through. After she leaves, Simon turns to Randy and says, "You just put through a giraffe." Jordan Sparks, 16. She sings "Because You Love Me" by Celine Dion and nails the high notes. She gets through. Steven Thoen. Red hair, red beard, flaming red shirt. He tells us he's not a big fan of the show. He's only seen a couple of episodes. He sings an unrecognizable version of "Bohemian Rhapsody" by Queen. Simon tells him that was "possibly the weirdest audition I've heard in my life. You sang it like a 1-year-old." Next week - Memphis

Episode Recap: American Idol - Season 6, Episode 1

Episode 1 Original Air Date: January 16, 2007 Two-day, four-hour extravaganza! Does that mean we'll get the audition episodes out of the way sooner, so can we can get to the final "good" episodes - or will the audition portion of the season be even more bloated. Count on the bloating. Minneapolis, hometown of Prince. Apparently that is all this city has going for it. The Contestants: Jessica, make-up artist, idolizes Jewel. What she doesn't know until right before her audition when Ryan tells her is that Jewel is a guest judge today. Jessica has chosen "You Were Meant For Me" and proceeds to do what appears to be a Jewel impersonation. No one likes it, not even Jewel. Humiliation City. Troy Bennet, a bearded, bespectacled young man who describes himself as "urban Ahmish". The description makes sense as his wardrobe looks like an Ahmish costume that got interrupted in the middle of converting to something modern. Troy has never seen American Idol, as he does not own a "broadcast television". He doesn't know any of the judges, either. He does so poorly during his audition, he needs to go back to being Ahmish. Jessie, young man who tells the judges he can "hit some of the same notes as Mariah Carey". Unfortunately, none of those notes are supposed to be in the song he is trying to sing. He stops abruptly in the middle of the audition and says he needs to drink some water because he's nervous. He drinks some water and runs back into the audition room, to the surprise of the judges. Once his throat is properly lubricated his second attempt is only slightly less awful then the first one. Simon tells him so. Jessie responds, "Well, you're entitled to your opinion." Monroe, dressed as Apollo Creed (red, white, and blue boxing gloves, robe and Uncle Sam hat), so judges know he's here to "knock out this performance". Sings aria in Italian. Simon says, "The fact that we're taking this seriously is disturbing." Denise Jackson, 16, was a crack baby. She seems decades older as she describes her life for us. Her mother still deals with drug addiction. Denise would've ended up in foster care if not for her grandmother who took her in. She doesn't blame her mom, though. "She can't help it, I guess," she tells us. Anyone who watches this really, really wants her to get through. Thankfully, all the judges like her and she's going to Hollywood. Teshawn Moore. She can't remember lyrics of "KISS" by Prince. That's OK, because the few words she remembers are off-key. She doesn't give up, though. Unfortunately, it's just painful to watch her. Perla from Colombia. Tries to flirt with Ryan, but calls him "short". Ryan does not like to be called "short". He says he's "average". Yeah, OK, Ryan. Perla sings "Call Me" by Blondie, and does OK. Randy asks her to sing "Hips Don't Lie" by Shakira. She complies, even doing the hip gyrations. This is the song she should have done, as she does a much better job. Simon says her choices of songs will be difficult, since her first song was "heavily accented". But she gets through. The camera crew even follows her into the Ladies' room to listen to her gush about being chosen. Matt Volna, comes in wearing cowboy hat, shirt, boots, blue jeans. He describes himself as "old country". He says he'll win because he's so unique. "Carrie Underwood didn't have the look I have." After he performs a Johnny Cash song, Jewel asks in all sincerity, "Are you serious when you do this, or are trying to be funny?" Jarrod Fowler, sailer in Navy stationed on the USS Ronald Reagan. He won the "Reagan Idol" contest held on his ship. He gets through. Trista Giese. Sings the Cowardly Lion's number from The Wizard of Oz in the Lion's voice. Or she tries to sing it in the Lion's voice, anyway. She sounds more like Chewbacca. Shockingly, the judges don't move her through. But she's made a Wizard of Oz poster for Simon and company. "Do you want the poster?" she asks after getting rejected. "No," everyone says in unison. Jewel laughs, "God, you guys are cold." Stephen Horst, vocal coach. He begins his audition by blowing into a pitch pipe. Randy is not impressed, and tells him so. Randy is so frank about it, even Simon calls him "a bit rude". "You shouldn't be a vocal teacher," Randy tells Stephen, "I wouldn't take vocal lessons from you. I wouldn't tell anyone to take vocal lessons from you." Simon asks Randy, "Did you get abused as a child by a vocal coach or something?" Michelle Steingas, 19, country singer. Simon calls her "confident without being irritatingly precocious." She gets through. Dana. Her boss flew her and her sister to Minneapolis from California so she could audition for American Idol. Her boss and his wife even came along. She sings "Tell Me Something Good" by Chaka Kahn. At least that's the song she claims to be singing. Her version is unrecognizable. I don't remember Chaka Kahn screeching this song. After making a number of juvenile jokes about the nature of Dana's relationship with her boss, Simon and Randy call the boss in. Dana turns towards her boss and sings in front to him. She actually does a lot better, but not good enough. Matt Sato, 16. His parents didn't come with him, as they're not that supportive of his dreams, or maybe the bills that come from following his dreams. He sings "California Dreamin" for the judges and does a good job. He gets through. The first thing he does is call his mom on phone. She tells him she's proud of him. He cries. Awww... Rachel Jenkins, 21, works in her parents' body shop. Her husband is in Baghdad, as a member of the military, not a tourist, in case you were wondering. She's in Reserves herself, and she comes to the audition wearing her fatigues. "His Eye Is on the Sparrow" is her song. She starts well, but ends poorly. Still gets through. Tells Simon she likes his personality. Jewel says, "I guess you have to go through boot camp to like Simon." Sarah Krueger. She performs "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" and does a great job. She's definitely one to watch. Jason Anderson, 16. Juggles while he sings. "Even the juggleing was pathetic," says Simon. Jason responds by juggling some more, just to prove what a good juggler he is. They tell him to try out for America's Got Talent, instead. He tap dances for them too, but it's as bad as his singing. He comes out cussing out the judges. Brenna. She has actually met Ace from last season and has a tatoo drawn by him. She reaches for high notes, but ends up scaring dogs in the next town. Randy is so frustrated by the lack of talent so far he calls Minneapolis "Minnehopeless". Josh, 16, inspired by dad who sings in the shower. He sings "Bad Day" by Fuel in a gravely voice. The judges call it a "fake rock" voice. Wanting to see if he's able to be flexible, Simon tells him to come back in 15 minutes and sing an ABBA song. Josh races around to find someone who knows an ABBA song. He learns "Dancing Queen" in a few minutes and comes back to perform it, also in a gravely voice. The judges want him to sing in his real voice, so he sings "Lola" from Barry Manilow, also in a gravely rock voice. The judges tell him to stick with his band. Only 17 out of 10,000 who tried out in Minneapolis actually make it to the next round. Tomorrow... Seattle.