Episode Recap: the Apprentice - LA, Episode 3

Episode 3 Original Air Date: January 21, 2007 Nicole and Michelle return to Tent City to re-join the other pathetic losers in Arrow, having just survived last week's elimination. There's all kinds of love for Nicole as everyone hugs her and welcomes her back. Michelle - not so much. Poor Michelle don't get no lovin' from this crew. They still can't quite articulate what their problem is with her. "Negative", "destructive", and "non-contstructive" are words that get thrown around, but it all ends up sounding like "We just can't stand the cow." Maybe these whiners need to spend less time worrying about Michelle and more time figuring out why they keep losing. Frank tells us the rest of the team has a nickname for Michelle. "Johnny", as in Johnny-Come-Lately. It's because she's such a nay-sayer! Get it? Neither do I. The next morning, the members of Kinetic wake up in their luxurious mansion and get ready for the day in their huge bathrooms and fix themselves a nice breakfast in their top-of-the-line kitchen. The members of Arrow, on the other hand, get to wake up in Camp Loserville to take cold showers and brush their teeth in sinks that don't drain. Michelle tells us the deprivation is having an effect, making her "delirous". The Donald gathers the teams at Loew's Hotel to announce the next challenge, which only Arrow will have to perform. It must be Take Your Trust Fund Babies to Work Day, since he is joined not only by Ivanka, but Little Donald as well. Because the under-achievers in Arrow just aren't suffering enough watching the other team live the good life in the mansion, Kinetic is told they can take the day to enjoy the spa and other luxuries at the hotel, since they are exempt from this week's challenge. Trump Daddy then tells Arrow they will have to split into two teams of losers for this task. He asks for two volunteers to be project managers. Aaron steps forward. No one else seems to want to volunteer, so Trump, in a fit of sadism, chooses Michelle to lead the other team. The Donald then asks the donald to explain the next challenge. Junior uses the exact same two-handed, karate chop gestures as his old man as he describes the contestants' task. Arrow and Other Arrow will have to design a themed tour for Star Tours. They will be provided with a double-decker bus. They will be judged on creativity and other criteria by the passengers, who will fill out surveys. James, who is on Aaron's team, soon comes up with the idea of having the Laker Girls on the bus. They call the Lakers organization and are able to secure the girls. In case you're thinking about having Laker Girls at your next Bar Mitzvah, you should know there is a minimum requirement of two girls per appearance, at $85 per hour, per girl. I think I read somewhere once that these girls are paid less than minimum wage. Boy, are they getting screwed. The planning phase for the other team is going a little slower. Michelle knows her team is made up of Michelle-haters. So she wants to get 100% consensus on every decision she makes. That way, if and when the doo doo hits the fan in the boardroom, there will be plenty of targets for said doo doo to fly back on. They decide on "A Day in the Life of the Rich and Famous" as their theme. Meanwhile, Aaron's team realizes their whole tour can't just consist of riding around LA with the Laker Girls. They might actually have to show their passengers places of interest. Aaron comes up with the brilliant idea of touring locations associated with the OJ Simpson and Menendez murders. The other members of his team are not so hot on that concept. (Uh, hello. You have the Laker girls, why not build on that theme, and give your customers a tour of all the players' homes, as well as other locations associated with the Lakers?) They decide instead to show their passengers various locations around LA where famous movies were filmed. How original. How they intend to tie the Laker Girls into this theme is not entirely clear. Regardless, Aaron's team has a lot of momentum and they send James out to take a Star Tour himself and then survey other passengers regarding what they liked and disliked about it. One of the first conclusions he comes to is that his team's tour guide should not tell "distasteful" jokes. He bases this conclusion on the observation that the bus driver on his tour is a total hack. The guy's jokes aren't so much distasteful as corny. He doesn't seem to notice how badly he's bombing with the crowd on the bus. More laughter can be heard at the average funeral than is heard on this bus. The other conclusion that James comes to is that the people on the bus should be served refreshments. He calls Aaron with this idea and Aaron agrees, saying that it will be "Perrier and popcorn" for the passengers on their tour. Michelle's team hasn't achieved that kind of momentum. In fact, they've achieved the exact opposite of momentum. And it's not just a lack of forward movement. I don't know if such a thing as "negative movement" exists in Physics, but that phrase would very nicely explain Michelle's progress so far. She and Tim have taken to riding around Hollywood to scout locations. After two hours, they come to a conclusion that Hollywood is a dump and no one who is rich and famous would actually spend time there. They then decide to ride around Beverly Hills instead. I use the term "decide" loosely. Michelle is still paralyzed by the fear of committing to something she could held accountable for, so she tries to get Tim to approve every little decision. Long after the sun goes down, she and Tim are still discussing whether to go with Hollywood or Beverly Hills for their tour. Frank and Nicole, the other two members of Michelle's team, are not content with the snail's pace (that would be a dead snail in this case) at which this task is moving. Their discontent is only amplified by the fact that they both have the energy of two hyperactive first-graders who have just injested an entire bowl of sugar. While Michelle and Tim are riding around fretting about location, the Wonder Twins have designed and printed a large professional banner for the tour, and rented tuxedos for each member of the team to wear. It's very late and Aaron's team has gone to bed. But Michelle's total lack of organization and hussle has resulted in the need for the team to pull an all-nighter. She thinks there is no time for sleep and doesn't want to let anyone on her team hit the sack. The rest of her team, who are already sleep deprived from the last couple of weeks, don't see a need to go entirely without sleep. Nicole even takes it upon herself to go to her tent and lay down. Michelle isn't happy with that and follows Nicole in to ask her to stay awake. The lack of sleep takes it's toll on the team the next day during the tour. Michelle is first to take the microphone and sounds about as articulate as a drunken zombie. Tim takes a turn at the mic and makes sure to point out as the first location of interest the hotel where Jon Belushi died, discussing the comic's overdose in detail. Tim later concludes that maybe he shouldn't have introduced the kids on the bus to the term "speed ball". He also starts talking about Hollywood Boulevard and the Walk of Stars long before they even get to that part of town. The tour that Aaron's team conducts goes much better. Of course, the bar is set pretty low for them at this point. James starts the festivities off before the passengers get on the bus by introducing the Laker Girls, who sign autographs for a grateful crowd. The passengers get on board and are served refreshments shortly thereafter. James takes the first turn as tour guide and is way too excited. His volume accompanied by his screechy voice makes his narration about as appealing to listen to as a smoke alarm. Stefani steps in and takes over for James. She has memorized so much information about the different spots along the bus route that she sounds, like Aaron says, as if she's been conducting tours for the past twenty years. The tours are finished and surveys are handed out to the passengers. Michelle is encouraged because, in her words, "some of the passengers don't appear to be angry". She's hoping they'll feel sorry for her team and say nice things. One has to admire that kind of optimism. The Boardroom. Trump asks the members of each team how they think they did. Before they even know whether they won or lost, Michelle's team members start criticizing her leadership. Ivanka reads the survey comments from the passengers who took the tour that Aaron's team conducted. It was a great success. They received an 85% approval rating. Michelle's passengers were not so kind. Her team receied only a 58% approval rating. As a reward, Aaron's team get ... nothing. The Donald explains to them that victory is its own reward, so they should all bask in that when they go back to their tents. But they will get to help him decide whom to fire from the other team. Then he turns to Michelle's team. But before he can ask whom Michelle wants to bring back with her to the boardroom, she drops a bomb on the proceedings by announcing her resignation. No one told her when she applied for this show that she would have to sleep in a tent in the backyard in the cold and rain. She didn't sign up for that, she tells Trump. The Donald then delivers a long-winded lecture on quitting and how Michelle will look back at this and "won't be proud". He says he has much more respect for a boxer who keeps fighting and gets his brains knocked out then one who quits in his corner. Michelle remains unmoved, in spite of that charming story. Trump accepts her resignation and tells the three remaining members of her team that he'll see them in the boardroom later. Back at camp, everyone lights into Michelle. Stefani goes so far as to tell her she's "out of her mind". Apparently, they are mad at Michelle for quitting and robbing them of the opportunity to get her fired. Frank, Nicole, and Tim are nervous since now all three of them are supposed to go back to the boardroom and therefore are at risk of being fired. Michelle packs her things and leaves. Suddenly, the team receives a phone call. It's Trump's receptionist. She tells them the Donald has cancelled the boardroom tonight. Since Michelle quit, he doesn't feel anyone else deserves to be fired. Because it is his nature, Frank starts jumping up and down and yelling like spastic eight-year-old. Next week - An Apprentice romance.