Episode Recap: the Apprentice - LA, Episode 4

Episode 4 Original Air Date: January 28, 2007 It's night time shortly after Michelle quit and left the mansion in disgrace. Arrow is sitting around the campfire drinking beer and having an animated conversation about Cheese Doodles. Kinetic, on the other hand, is sitting inside the mansion having a serious, quiet discussion about team dynamics. What fun! Trump Daddy calls both teams simutaneously on the Trump Phone ("Quick Robin, to the Trump Cave!") and says that Arrow needs help and would like for someone from Kinetic to volunteer to join them. Since Arrow has two losses under it's belt, this is sort of like asking players from teams who have repeatedly won penant titles to volunteer to join the Chicago Cubs. Still, four members from Kinetic step up. Arrow chooses Surya. Who knows, maybe Arrow will turn it around this time. Surya packs up his gear and moves out to the backyard with the rest of his new team, who makes a concerted effort to make him feel welcome. The first thing he does is to give a very detailed lecture on what he and the rest of Kinetic have learned about what it takes to succeed. Surely, he must know everything there is to know about success. After all, he was on a team that won two whole challenges. He should write a book or something. The Donald gathers the teams together the next morning on a hillside to show them cars on the freeway. Seriously. He wants to make the point that there are a lot of cars in Los Angeles and people do a lot of things in those cars. One of the things people do in cars is eat. So, the teams' next challenge will be to design a new bowl for the drive-thru restaurant chain Pollo Loco and then man one of their restaurants in an effort to sell as many as those bowls as possible. So you can see why it was important for Trump to take them to a hill and show them the freeway. No? Well what's important is that it makes perfect sense to Trump. By the way, joining Trump today is Sean, the Apprentice from last season. Stepford Daughter Ivanka is in the shop for maintenance. Arrow quickly comes up with the Chicken Tortilla Bowl and seem pretty harmonious about their direction. Kinetic is not so harmonious today. Christine comes up with putting fruit in the chicken bowl. The team decides on the name "Paradise Bowl". This doesn't sit well with Marisa, who has been assigned alongside Derek to work with the graphic designer on marketing materials. She calls Heidi and tries to insist they add spice to the bowl and call it the "Bravado Bowl - where fruit and spice meet! Dare to be bold!". The rest of the team has already had this discussion and made their decision, so Heidi nixes this idea. This, however, does not stop Marisa from calling her back repeatedly to insist they change the name. Marisa also comes up with the bright idea of putting someone in a chicken costume at a busy intersection to direct people to the restaurant, in her words, "to be original". Yes, that's a very original idea. Having someone in a costume trying to wave prospective customers into a place of business - why hasn't anyone thought of that before? Brilliant! Heidi nixes that idea as well. Energy is high on the Arrow team. Project Manager Aaron starts the day off with an inspirational speech about how today is the day they get into the mansion. The team strings balloons up all over the restaurant, along with some very slick signage that really helps to create a party atmosphere. They excitedly tell everyone who comes in about their new bowl. At one point, Tim suggest to Aaron that they should go after bulk sales. Aaron thinks that's a good idea, so he sends Tim and Frank out to sell. Kinetic, on the other hand, is focused on running an efficient restaurant. Marisa and Derek stand outside in suits handing out free samples and pitching the Paradise Bowl to people as if they're delivering a business presentation. Marisa is still whining about Heidi not letting her put people in Chicken costumes. Back at Arrow's restaurant, cars are getting backed up in the drive-thru lane. Surya, who is manning the drive-thru, believes the backlog is because they are short-handed and tells Aaron to bring Frank and Tim back. Surya does not share Aaron's vision of going after the bulk sale. But soon, Frank and Tim call in tell Aaron that they've just made a sale of 22 bowls. Surya looks a little defeated. The teams gather in the Boardroom to find out who won the challenge, still wearing their Pollo Loco uniforms. Trump grouchily tells them, "Take your hats off. You're inside. Take them off." Sean reads off the results. Arrow beat Kinetic by over a hundred dollars. The one bulk sale may have made all the difference. Whatever the case, Arrow will finally get to move into the mansion. Arrow runs around the mansion screaming as soon as they move in. Then several of them jump into the pool fully clothed. Kinetic, however, moves to Tent City and promptly begins cleaning up the place. Muna says she has lost all respect for the other team because they left the place so "disgusting". "It's not just messy," she says, "it's filth." At least she's not being judgmental. After all, just because people are forced to live like animals in a tiny backyard for four straight weeks doesn't mean they can't keep the place spic and span. Moving into the mansion isn't Arrow's only reward. They also get to go to Malibu for a private concert performed on the beach performed by Andrea Bocelli. Afterward they are treated to a lobster dinner followed by fireworks. Cut to Kinetic who are trying to heat up some canned spaghetti on an outside burner. Heidi gathers Kinetic the next morning to discuss who should go to the Boardroom. Derek brings up Marisa's name and everyone else agrees. The quickest way to the Boardroom is to annoy everyone else in your team. The Boardroom goes predictably. Everyone on the team badmouths Marisa, calling her the "weakest link", but can't articulate how she's responsible for their loss in this challenge. Trump tries to defend her, but she doesn't help herself when she repeatedly interrupts both The Donald and Sean. She's still upset about no one liking her chicken costume idea. She and Amy get into a shouting match, so Heidi wisely brings both of them back with her into the Boardroom. Trump blasts Marisa for having only one idea even though she was in charge of marketing. "'The chickens', 'the chickens'," he says, "that's all I hear from you." Trump concludes that since everyone on her team thinks she should be fired, Marisa should be the next to go. In the limo, Marisa is still whining about the chicken suits. She says if they had the giant chickens out on the street, they would have won for sure. Business lesson: Think outside the box, but remember your goals. Aaron knew he had to focus on the quantity of bowls sold, which is why he risked being short-handed and sent his two top salesmen out to make bulk sales. Heidi, on the other hand, was more interested in running an efficient restaurant, which did not help her sell more bowls. Life lesson: When trying to tout your biggest contributions to your team or company, it's probably not a good idea to use the phrase "giant chickens". Next week - beekeeping

Episode Recap: the Apprentice - LA, Episode 3

Episode 3 Original Air Date: January 21, 2007 Nicole and Michelle return to Tent City to re-join the other pathetic losers in Arrow, having just survived last week's elimination. There's all kinds of love for Nicole as everyone hugs her and welcomes her back. Michelle - not so much. Poor Michelle don't get no lovin' from this crew. They still can't quite articulate what their problem is with her. "Negative", "destructive", and "non-contstructive" are words that get thrown around, but it all ends up sounding like "We just can't stand the cow." Maybe these whiners need to spend less time worrying about Michelle and more time figuring out why they keep losing. Frank tells us the rest of the team has a nickname for Michelle. "Johnny", as in Johnny-Come-Lately. It's because she's such a nay-sayer! Get it? Neither do I. The next morning, the members of Kinetic wake up in their luxurious mansion and get ready for the day in their huge bathrooms and fix themselves a nice breakfast in their top-of-the-line kitchen. The members of Arrow, on the other hand, get to wake up in Camp Loserville to take cold showers and brush their teeth in sinks that don't drain. Michelle tells us the deprivation is having an effect, making her "delirous". The Donald gathers the teams at Loew's Hotel to announce the next challenge, which only Arrow will have to perform. It must be Take Your Trust Fund Babies to Work Day, since he is joined not only by Ivanka, but Little Donald as well. Because the under-achievers in Arrow just aren't suffering enough watching the other team live the good life in the mansion, Kinetic is told they can take the day to enjoy the spa and other luxuries at the hotel, since they are exempt from this week's challenge. Trump Daddy then tells Arrow they will have to split into two teams of losers for this task. He asks for two volunteers to be project managers. Aaron steps forward. No one else seems to want to volunteer, so Trump, in a fit of sadism, chooses Michelle to lead the other team. The Donald then asks the donald to explain the next challenge. Junior uses the exact same two-handed, karate chop gestures as his old man as he describes the contestants' task. Arrow and Other Arrow will have to design a themed tour for Star Tours. They will be provided with a double-decker bus. They will be judged on creativity and other criteria by the passengers, who will fill out surveys. James, who is on Aaron's team, soon comes up with the idea of having the Laker Girls on the bus. They call the Lakers organization and are able to secure the girls. In case you're thinking about having Laker Girls at your next Bar Mitzvah, you should know there is a minimum requirement of two girls per appearance, at $85 per hour, per girl. I think I read somewhere once that these girls are paid less than minimum wage. Boy, are they getting screwed. The planning phase for the other team is going a little slower. Michelle knows her team is made up of Michelle-haters. So she wants to get 100% consensus on every decision she makes. That way, if and when the doo doo hits the fan in the boardroom, there will be plenty of targets for said doo doo to fly back on. They decide on "A Day in the Life of the Rich and Famous" as their theme. Meanwhile, Aaron's team realizes their whole tour can't just consist of riding around LA with the Laker Girls. They might actually have to show their passengers places of interest. Aaron comes up with the brilliant idea of touring locations associated with the OJ Simpson and Menendez murders. The other members of his team are not so hot on that concept. (Uh, hello. You have the Laker girls, why not build on that theme, and give your customers a tour of all the players' homes, as well as other locations associated with the Lakers?) They decide instead to show their passengers various locations around LA where famous movies were filmed. How original. How they intend to tie the Laker Girls into this theme is not entirely clear. Regardless, Aaron's team has a lot of momentum and they send James out to take a Star Tour himself and then survey other passengers regarding what they liked and disliked about it. One of the first conclusions he comes to is that his team's tour guide should not tell "distasteful" jokes. He bases this conclusion on the observation that the bus driver on his tour is a total hack. The guy's jokes aren't so much distasteful as corny. He doesn't seem to notice how badly he's bombing with the crowd on the bus. More laughter can be heard at the average funeral than is heard on this bus. The other conclusion that James comes to is that the people on the bus should be served refreshments. He calls Aaron with this idea and Aaron agrees, saying that it will be "Perrier and popcorn" for the passengers on their tour. Michelle's team hasn't achieved that kind of momentum. In fact, they've achieved the exact opposite of momentum. And it's not just a lack of forward movement. I don't know if such a thing as "negative movement" exists in Physics, but that phrase would very nicely explain Michelle's progress so far. She and Tim have taken to riding around Hollywood to scout locations. After two hours, they come to a conclusion that Hollywood is a dump and no one who is rich and famous would actually spend time there. They then decide to ride around Beverly Hills instead. I use the term "decide" loosely. Michelle is still paralyzed by the fear of committing to something she could held accountable for, so she tries to get Tim to approve every little decision. Long after the sun goes down, she and Tim are still discussing whether to go with Hollywood or Beverly Hills for their tour. Frank and Nicole, the other two members of Michelle's team, are not content with the snail's pace (that would be a dead snail in this case) at which this task is moving. Their discontent is only amplified by the fact that they both have the energy of two hyperactive first-graders who have just injested an entire bowl of sugar. While Michelle and Tim are riding around fretting about location, the Wonder Twins have designed and printed a large professional banner for the tour, and rented tuxedos for each member of the team to wear. It's very late and Aaron's team has gone to bed. But Michelle's total lack of organization and hussle has resulted in the need for the team to pull an all-nighter. She thinks there is no time for sleep and doesn't want to let anyone on her team hit the sack. The rest of her team, who are already sleep deprived from the last couple of weeks, don't see a need to go entirely without sleep. Nicole even takes it upon herself to go to her tent and lay down. Michelle isn't happy with that and follows Nicole in to ask her to stay awake. The lack of sleep takes it's toll on the team the next day during the tour. Michelle is first to take the microphone and sounds about as articulate as a drunken zombie. Tim takes a turn at the mic and makes sure to point out as the first location of interest the hotel where Jon Belushi died, discussing the comic's overdose in detail. Tim later concludes that maybe he shouldn't have introduced the kids on the bus to the term "speed ball". He also starts talking about Hollywood Boulevard and the Walk of Stars long before they even get to that part of town. The tour that Aaron's team conducts goes much better. Of course, the bar is set pretty low for them at this point. James starts the festivities off before the passengers get on the bus by introducing the Laker Girls, who sign autographs for a grateful crowd. The passengers get on board and are served refreshments shortly thereafter. James takes the first turn as tour guide and is way too excited. His volume accompanied by his screechy voice makes his narration about as appealing to listen to as a smoke alarm. Stefani steps in and takes over for James. She has memorized so much information about the different spots along the bus route that she sounds, like Aaron says, as if she's been conducting tours for the past twenty years. The tours are finished and surveys are handed out to the passengers. Michelle is encouraged because, in her words, "some of the passengers don't appear to be angry". She's hoping they'll feel sorry for her team and say nice things. One has to admire that kind of optimism. The Boardroom. Trump asks the members of each team how they think they did. Before they even know whether they won or lost, Michelle's team members start criticizing her leadership. Ivanka reads the survey comments from the passengers who took the tour that Aaron's team conducted. It was a great success. They received an 85% approval rating. Michelle's passengers were not so kind. Her team receied only a 58% approval rating. As a reward, Aaron's team get ... nothing. The Donald explains to them that victory is its own reward, so they should all bask in that when they go back to their tents. But they will get to help him decide whom to fire from the other team. Then he turns to Michelle's team. But before he can ask whom Michelle wants to bring back with her to the boardroom, she drops a bomb on the proceedings by announcing her resignation. No one told her when she applied for this show that she would have to sleep in a tent in the backyard in the cold and rain. She didn't sign up for that, she tells Trump. The Donald then delivers a long-winded lecture on quitting and how Michelle will look back at this and "won't be proud". He says he has much more respect for a boxer who keeps fighting and gets his brains knocked out then one who quits in his corner. Michelle remains unmoved, in spite of that charming story. Trump accepts her resignation and tells the three remaining members of her team that he'll see them in the boardroom later. Back at camp, everyone lights into Michelle. Stefani goes so far as to tell her she's "out of her mind". Apparently, they are mad at Michelle for quitting and robbing them of the opportunity to get her fired. Frank, Nicole, and Tim are nervous since now all three of them are supposed to go back to the boardroom and therefore are at risk of being fired. Michelle packs her things and leaves. Suddenly, the team receives a phone call. It's Trump's receptionist. She tells them the Donald has cancelled the boardroom tonight. Since Michelle quit, he doesn't feel anyone else deserves to be fired. Because it is his nature, Frank starts jumping up and down and yelling like spastic eight-year-old. Next week - An Apprentice romance.

Episode Recap: the Apprentice - LA, Episode 2

Episode 2 Date: January 14, 2007 Frank returns to his comrades in Trump Tent City, having avoided elimination by wearing down The Donald with his hyperactive enthusiasm. He excitedly recounts his heroic victory in the boardroom to his teammates, talking like a spastic first-grader who's been eating way too much sugar. This guy would tire out the Energizer Bunny. Don't worry, though, he has a plan to get his team back into the house. His team mates, who by now are completely under the spell of his charisma, huddle around him to hear his scheme. It's morning and time for the teams to be given their next challenge. Trump rounds up the two yuppie herds and gathers them near the beach. Once again, Trump isn't wearing a tie, just so we all know this is Los Angeles. He tells the kids their next task is to create a line of swimwear. But a reality show that's been on for as many seasons as The Apprentice is much like a pretzel - for it to be the least bit interesting, it has to have twists. The twist with this challenge is that the winning team does not have to participate in next week's challenge. Nicole has taken over the reigns from Frank as the new project manager of "Arrow". One of her team members, Carey, is positively giddy about the chance to design clothes. He immediately starts drawing up designs for male swim trunks during the van ride to the office. He proudly shows off his handiwork to Aaron, who is less than impressed. It seems Carey's designs are a little too gay for most straight men to wear. Carey's not deterred, though, because that is exactly what he was going for. "Kinetic" is having its own internal friction. Heidi dismisses the first bikini they produce as "too Ralph Lauren". The rest of the girls on her team disagree, especially Marissa. Heidi gives in but tells us if the bikini is blasted by the Trumps, it'll be on Marissa's head. Meanwhile at Arrow HQ, Carey has finally produced his first men's swimsuit and he's completely jazzed. He puts it on then struts out to show it to his team. The trunks are very tiny and have an extremely loud, headache inducing design in bright pink. It has to be the least manly thing a guy could wear without dressing in drag. Tim tells us he initially thought Carey was wearing women's bikini bottoms as a joke. Michelle doesn't like it and is very vocal about her opinion. But Carey isn't letting anybody harsh his mellow. His design is getting on that cat walk, no matter what anybody thinks. Michelle is so disgusted by the designs her team has come up with, she tries to avoid any responsibility for any of them. She even refuses to give an opinion on what the price points should be. If the rest of the suits are anything like Carey's little number, that may be the smartest thing she could do. It's time for the fashion show, which takes place on the beach. When The Donald arrives, not only is he still missing a tie, he takes his shoes and socks as well and barefoots it over to his seat. Don't worry, the hair still hasn't moved. Each team has designed six swimsuits, but have only four models each at their disposal. But this is The Apprentice. One of the prerequesites for working for Mr. Trump is that one has to be hot, especially if one is female. So at least one girl and one guy from each team end up donning swimwear and walking the cat walk. As one of the girls walk by, Donald turns to his assistant and asks, "Does she work for us?" The audience applauses with appropriate enthusiasm as each swimsuit comes down the runway. But the crowd seems somewhat underwhelmed as Carey prounces out with pink mankini. One lady writes on her comment card "men's suits unwearable". Derek from Kinetic tells us, "I mean I'm gay, but I was shocked," and that someone should have come on stage with a fire extinguisher, because Carey "flamed it". Jamaican import Muna tells us, "I could never buy any of Arrow's designs for any of my male friends. I don't know any man who would wear that. Let me put it this way, I know a lot more about Carey than I did before. Too much information!" It's time for The Donald and clothing designer Trina Turk to go backstage and tally the orders from the audience, who are purchasing for their stores. In the end, Arrow makes $19,000 while Kinetic makes over $20,000. So not only will Heidi and her team get to stay in the house another week and sit out next week's challenge, they will also get to spend some time at the Playboy mansion as a reward. Trump asks Trina Turk why Arrow lost. She said (prepared to be shocked) that no one liked their men's suits. I think we just heard the sound of the monkey jumping on the back of Carey. Later the winning team Kinetic is whisked away to the Playboy Mansion. As their limo pulls up the driveway, the team is greeted by a commitee of hoochies, Hugh Hefner's three girlfriends. Hef, wearing the same house robe he has worn since 1976, greets everyone later in the house. He tells them how he put up his furniture as collateral on a $600 loan so he could publish the first issue of Playboy. After that fascinating story, the team is escorted out to the swimming pool, where a bounteous bevy of bouncy, busty, bunny-eared bimbos await them (there's something about The Apprentice that inspires me to alliterate). As Hef has pointed out, most of the team are women. At least one of the men is gay. One has to wonder if this can really be considered a "reward" for most of the team. TrumpDaddy arrives at the party later, without his child-bride Melania. Hmm.... He makes it a point to bring Project Manager Heidi to the attention of Hefner. Marisa is not happy. She tells us, "I'm not so sure I love this notion that Heidi continues to be project manager. I just think there should be a chance for other people on the team to shine and showcase our leadership. I could have been project manager here. Christine could have been project manager... and I'm not thrilled with it." Wah. The next day, members of the losing team Arrow are all sitting around their tents discussing whom should be sent to the boardroom. Michelle realizes that no one on the team likes her and starts asking them not to recommend her for elimination. It's a little bizarre, since Carey is obviously at fault for the team's lost. Even if the whole team tells Trump that Michelle should be fired, he should be able to see that's only a matter of popularity and Carey is responsible. But the way some of these boardrooms go, who knows. The Donald may not be on his meds tonight. The Boardroom. The first thing Trump says is "Do you like losing? What's wrong with you people?" He then cuts through the bull right away and establishes Carey's godawful swimsuit as the reason Arrow lost this challenge. "I have a great body," he says, "I could wear that suit and you [Carey] could wear that suit. But no one else at this table could wear it." Great. Now I have to go to bed with the image of Trump in a mankini in my head. Carey tries to blame Michelle for the loss. He talks incoherently about how "there's always some piece that doesn't make the mechanics of a team work right". Trump asks Heidi her opinion. Heidi says that Nicole, as Project Manager, should have prevented Carey's mistake. Nicole asks Trump to ask the rest of the team whom should be fired. Almost everyone says that Carey should be axed, making sure to specify "for this challenge". They would like to recommend Michelle, but know they don't have a good reason. Aaron stands alone in recommending Michelle get fired. James, actually recommends Nicole be fired. Trump asks Nicole whom she plans to bring with her back into the board room. She wisely chooses Carey and Michelle. Trump, Heidi, and Little Trump pow-wow after Arrow leaves the boardroom. They all agree that they need to determine if Nicole approved Carey's hideous designs or if Carey "ramrodded them through". They call the the three back in. Trump brings out the infamous suit but picks it up with a pen. He says he can't bring himself to touch it, since it's "so nasty". Carey still tries to defend his design, but no one on the other side of the table is buying what he's selling. In the end, Trump says, "I'm going to give you the suit, but I'm going to tell you you're fired." Next week - Kinetic gets to live the life of luxury while Arrow has to sweat it out on their next challenge with the Laker Girls.

Episode Recap: the Apprentice - LA, Episode 1

Episode: To Have and To Have Not Original Air Date: January 7, 2007 Money money money money, monAY! At least the cool theme song hasn't changed this season on The Apprentice. The location has changed, and so, it seems, has The Donald's demeanor (He's a new daddy - again). The premiere episode this season begins with Sir Comb-over riding in a limo through New York, pretending to be talking over the phone to his child bride, Melania, who has already moved to LA. He tells her he'll be out there soon and that he misses her, to which she responds, "I miss you too, you aging bag of hot gas!" ...or something to that effect. And then, a sound which we are supposed to believe comes from Trump the Baby can be heard over the phone, to which Trump responds, "I miss you too, Baron." Baron? I think I knew a great dane once named Baron. As rich as Trump is, you'd think he could afford a decent name for his kid. In the next scene, Trump is driving around LA in a white convertible telling us about this season of The Apprentice. I was not even aware Trump knows how to drive. In addition, under normal circumstances I would conclude that he's not really driving the convertible down the road, for no other reason than his hair isn't moving in the wind. But this is Trump's hair, which probably would not move in the middle of a nuclear explosion. In fact, they've done studies that prove the only things to survive a global nuclear holocaust would be cockroaches and Trump's hair. It turns out The Donald is building a house in LA. In the mean time, he and Melania will have to make do with a mansion they'll be living in temporarily while their new house is being built. It's sort of like camping out for them. The mansion is located right next to Trump's LA headquarters, where the apprentice wannabes will be staying this season. Trump pulls into the driveway of his humble abode and his wife Lolita Melania comes out to greet him with Fido, I mean Baron, in her arms. She proves what a bad actor she is by pretending to be happy to see the old guy. I wonder how many takes they had to do for this scene. Besides, are we really supposed to believe she ever carries that baby around, as if they don't have servants for that? That's probably some stunt baby they hired because Melania would likely drop the real one. Oh, and just in case we missed that this is LA, Trump isn't wearing a necktie in this scene. Everyone knows you don't wear a necktie in LA. The contestants arrive in a fleet of luxury SUVs which bring them to the driveway of Trump headquarters. The Donald, now in his office and wearing a necktie, pretends to receive a phone call informing him of their arrival. Why all of the scripted scenes in a reality show, you ask? Hey, this is LA, and everthing is fake in LA. After the hopefuls assemble in the driveway, Trump asks them to tell him a little bit about themselves. Everyone recites their boring little resumes - blah, blah, blah, I'm an attorney, blah, blah, blah, I'm an entrepeneur. Who cares. You're yuppies, we get it. It's not interesting until it's Angela's turn. She tells us she is a three-time Olympian and has won gold, silver, and bronze medals in Women's Ice Hockey (There's Women's Ice Hockey? Why doesn't anyone tell me these things?). Trump says he's watched her in the Olympics and makes her give him a hug. She hides whatever revulsion she has about this and complies. Other than her sports credentials, and maybe having graduated from Harvard with honors, I'm not sure what exactly qualifies her for The Apprentice. Maybe she made a mistake and tried out for the wrong reality show. When it comes to Martin's turn, he offers to hug Mr. Trump, too, if he could use the bathroom. Suave, real suave. Donald gives the group a task right away. All eighteen of them are to work as a team to build a large tent in the backyard of Trump HQ. One can imagine the chaos that would reign in the event of eighteen average people coming together to build a single tent. It's even worse when a gaggle of yuppies, each one convinced that he or she should be in charge, descend upon the job and start barking orders at one another. At first Heidi, who is an experienced camper, starts to bring order to the chaos by offering clear direction. But Frank, who is experienced at being loud, brings the chaos right back by yelling commands at everyone. He becomes so loud that Trump can hear him from his mansion office and yells out to Frank to keep it down. Martin decides to show off his leadership skills by standing on a tall rock and staring at everyone else doing the work. Finally, the tent is erected and all of the contestants start slapping each other on the back, proud to have accomplished this feat in spite of their Ivy League degrees. The group is then assembled in the board room (in Temporary Trump Manor) to discuss the tent raising. Trump enters, accompanied by his Stepford Daughter, Ivanka. Ivanka is highly qualified to judge Apprentice contestants, who include high-powered attorneys, self-made millionaires, and company executives, because... well, she just is, alright?! Besides, she's so attractive she is obviously a genetic mutant of some sort. That's got to count for something. This time, there's no Carolyn or George. Carolyn was fired last year for exploiting the fame she had gained from the show (apparently only The Donald is allowed to do that). But the decision not to use her or George had nothing to do with that since this season was filmed before she was canned. Trump gives no explanation here for George's absense, but says that the unoccupied seat on his right will be filled by a "special guest". I'm thinking maybe David Hasselhoff. Trump asks the group if anyone emerged as leaders. The consensus seems to be that Frank and Heidi showed the most leadership, mainly because they were the loudest. Trump then gives Heidi and Frank the opportunity to choose teams. Heidi chooses mostly women, while Frank chooses mostly men. Mighty Rock Leader Martin is chosen last. He's not happy about this. "Didn't they see me stand on the rock?" he asks us. The Donald hands them their first challenge - which will be to run a car wash. Whichever team makes the most money at the end of the day wins. Trump also reveals a new twist this season - the project manager will remain the project manager for his or her team as long as that team continues to win. Should that team lose, its members may choose another leader. Frank's team arrives at the car wash in their business suits, which is entirely appropriate attire for running a car wash. Frank jumps into action and starts to manage the group in much the same manner that a chicken whose head had just been cut off would supervise a group of people. He yells a number of vague comments at everyone then runs to a printer to make some promotional materials. In the mean time, having received no direction, the team members back at the car wash are thoroughly confused about what they are supposed to do. So Frank calls them on the cell and yells at them for not doing it. Heidi seems to get her team off and running much more quickly. They make signs out of cardboard and offer each customer who upgrades a free lunch at the hot dog stand across the street. Unlike Frank, who yelled the vague command to his team to "get the girls out front". Heidi understands that West Hollywood is a mostly gay community, so she hires a couple of guys to stand out front holding signs. Princess Ivanka shows up to inspect and notices that all of the detailing bays are empty. Aimee explains they are pushing volume over the more expensive service, so they are pushing the Basic wash instead of detailing. Back at Frank's car wash, the women on the team have changed to casual attire and are out on the street trying to wave drivers into the car wash. Unfortunately, they have no signs, so they end up looking like raving lunatics who like to yell at cars. Frank finally shows up with "signs", which are printed in black and white on standard 8" x 11" printer paper and look like Word documents. So now the women look like raving lunatics who like to yell at cars while holding pieces of paper. Carey convinces Frank that maybe they should go get some signs made that are actually visible to passing drivers. The two of them leave to go make more signs. Meanwhile, Stepford Daughter shows up to observe. It's obvious how badly things are going, but Aaron still tries to diplomatically defend Frank to Ivanka. Meanwhile, James, who admits to being "excited about car washes" is a ball of energy as he talks to Ivanka. Master of the Rock Martin, by contrast, meanders in and tells Ivanka how tired he is. That guy really knows how to make first impressions. Meanwhile, Heidi's marketing plan has drawn so many cars into her car wash that a huge backlog is created and the team is having trouble getting the cars through in a timely basis. In response, each and every team member grabs a towel and starts washing. Back at Frank's car wash, two-thirds of the day has gone by and they are just now getting signs. One of the girls gets up on a ladder to hold her sign. Martin, James, and Aaron get busy trying to upgrade everyone who comes in to rediculously expensive detailing. They offer a "spa treatment" that costs $100. Exactly how much cleaner does a $100 detailing job get a car than, say, a $40 detailing job? Are the customers able to perform surgery in their cars afterward? At the end of the day, everyone gathers back at the Trump HQ driveway (It must be a very special driveway). When the totals are tallied, Heidi's team has won. The surprising thing is that she only won by a few hundred dollars. Martin must've sold a lot of those $100 car washes. Anyway, the winning team gets the privelege of dining with the Donald at Spago, where Wolfgang Puck will be joining them for dinner. That team also gets to move into the HQ mansion. The losing team, on the other hand, has to camp in the backyard, where they will do everything, including taking showers. Trump announces another twist - the project manager of the winning team will get to fill the empty seat at his side in the boardroom when it come time to fire someone from the losing team. Heidi's team rushes into tour their luxurious new home. There's only one bedroom (what's up with that?), but there's a huge pool and hot tub. Heidi's team start to live it up immediately. Frank's team starts playing Survivor in the back yard, dealing with no light at night, harsh wind, creepy crawly things in their tents, and noisy sprinklers keeping them up when they are trying to sleep. Frank's team starts to talk about whom should get fired. Frank knows he as vulnerable as a sick cat behind a Chinese restaurant, so he tries to deflect the blame to lazy Martin. Martin decides to "use psychology" and keep the blame on Frank's shoulders. It's time for the Boardroom meeting and Heidi has a plan. She decides she will try to determine who is the other team's weakest link, then try to convince Trump to keep that person, thereby giving her team the advantage. Or it could just make Trump think she's an idiot. Frank's team file in to Trump Manor to learn their fates. Once in the board room, Frank and Martin predictably blame each other. Martin manages to deliver sound arguments while Frank sounds like a rambling, hyper-active eight-year-old. Martin has a lot to live down with Ivanka and Big Daddy Trump. Ivanka wasn't real impressed with Martin's lack of motion out at the car wash, and Trump still hasn't gotten past Martin's earlier request to use the bathroom. Heidi manages to get in her licks with a few catty questions. Trump asks the entire team who should be fired. The vast majority would fire Frank. Frank, who likes he's about to cry, chooses Martin and Tim to come back to the boardroom with him. After the losers leave the boardroom, Donald asks Heidi whom she would fire, and tells her he's on to her little game of wanting to keep the weakest link, but they won't be doing that. Both Heidi and Ivanka recommend firing Martin. The Donald calls the guys back in. Shortly after the guys come back in, Trump asks Frank if he would fire Tim over Martin. "No, I would not," he responds. "Tim, get out." Trump waves Tim out of the room, leaving Spastic Frank and Rock King Martin to fight it out. In the course of the bruhaha, Frank blurts out that Martin is brilliant, but... Trump interrupts him and tells him how "stupid" it is to call his opponent "brilliant". Trump almost seems to start to make a decision based on that alone. But Ivanka jumps to Frank's aid and starts criticizing Martin, saying he wouldn't "mesh" with the Trump organization and couldn't get into the "nitty-gritty" of business. I don't know what that is, but it sounds like a good name for high-fiber breakfast cereal. Trump finally turns to Martin and says those two little words, "You're fired." "What?" Martin replies in sincere disbelief, "No. No." "He said, 'Martin, you're fired'!" Frank declares, as if no one else heard it. "This is unheard of," Martin whines, "This is horrible. Mr. Trump, you've made a horrible mistake, sir." Yes, surely the Trump organization will crumble without Martin in its ranks. "Martin," Donald says, "As a lawyer, I like you. As a professor, I like you even more. And to be honest with you, I think that's what you should be doing." During the car ride back, Martin tells us he doesn't regret having asked Trump to go to the bathroom. "I had to go." Next week - Designing swimwear.