Episode Recap: The Bachelor - Rome, Week 3

Episode 3 Original Air Date: October 16, 2006 As the episode begins, the girls are told that this week there will be a group date with Lorenzo, a two-on-one date, and a one-on-one date. In other words, a typical week for most of us guys. Who will be that special girl who gets to go on the one-on-one date? There is only one fair way to decide this - an opera singing contest. A prominent opera teacher is brought in to teach the girls how to sing. What follows is one of the most painful things ever seen or heard on TV. None of these girls could carry a tune to save their lives. Fortunately for them, they are judged on how hard they try as opposed to actual vocal ability. The opera teacher chooses Jami as the winner. This doesn't sit too well with Poor Little Rich Girl Erica. "I still don't think Erica and Lorenzo are compatible," she blubbers, "There's no way she's getting a rose tonight." As Lorenzo and Jami drive off to the opera, Erica is the only one who doesn't wave. One would think that all that princess training Erica has supposedly received would include instruction on how to show some class. Incidentally, for tonight Lorenzo gives Jami what has to be the shiniest earrings and necklace I have ever seen. Once at the opera hall, it appears the couple have the entire place to themselves. Sensing that Jami hasn't suffered enough humiliation today, His Highness makes her sing for him the opera piece that she had sung earlier. It is no less painful this time. Ever the gentleman, His Blow-Driedness claps and says, "That is the best opera I have ever seen." Notice he said seen, not heard. Later, the stage curtains open to reveal Vittorio Grigolo. What? You've never head of Vittorio Grigolo, one of the most famous opera singers in all the world? What kind of uncultured neanderthal are you? (Actually, I had to Google the guy to find out his last name. Lorenzo only referred to him as "Vittorio".) Vittorio starts to sing and gives a truly beautiful performance. In response, Lorenzo stands up and extends his hand to Jami to invite her to dance. As Vittorio sings, Lorenzo holds Jami in his arms as they sway back and forth and gaze into each other's eyes... Excuse me while I go toss my cookies. In a fitting ending to a perfectly fake evening, Lorenzo explains to Jami why he can't give her the rose, "As I was looking at you, I was thinking, 'Wow, this girl is so beautiful... but this is like dancing with my best friend.'" Ooh, that has got to hurt. What's worse, Jami is sent home in the back seat of a station wagon. Sure, it's a Mercedes station wagon, but still, let the girl keep some of her dignity! What bothers me most about this is not how much it apparently hurts Jami, but that Erica will feel vindicated by it. The next morning, the girls are sitting waiting in their mansion. A voice is heard from a small speaker, "Good morning, Angels!" "Good morning, Charlie!" Sorry, wrong show. The next morning Prince Lorenzo picks up six of the girls for the overnight group date, which will start off with a round of wine-tasting under the Tuscan sun. That's what this show needs, more alcohol. Lorenzo and the bachelorettes will probably all need to check into rehab after this show is over. Jeannette pulls Lorenzo to the side for some one-on-one time. We haven't heard much from Jeannette so far, probably because she's just not a big enough hoochie. Jeannette says it's because she's shy. Later, Lorenzo says that their conversation was the most meaningful he's had so far. So, Jeannette's using the old "meaningful conversation" trick. That sneaky girl. Meanwhile, Lisa asks the other girls, "Do you think Lorenzo thinks this is romantic?" Why wouldn't he? There they are, in a beautiful Tuscan vinyard, sipping wine, just the seven of them. Lisa goes on to say how she thought her one-on-one date with Lorenzo was much more romantic. That's a smooth move. Surely the other girls just love to be reminded over and over again of Lisa's one-on-one time with Lorenzo. Desiree is definately not happy with Lisa right now, and tells us so. Back at the mansion, Erica and Italian hottie Agnese, the two girls who are not on the group date, are taking advantage of this time together to bond and get to know each other on a deeply personal basis. Yeah, right. Erica is still calling Agnese (pronounced On-yay'-say) "Agnes". They receive their date box, which contains a message that says, "One rose, one stays, one goes." Someone probably stayed up all night thinking up that verse. The ever bashful Agnese tells Erica, "The rose is mine." "I don't think so," Erica says. Later, Agnese tells us, "My opinion of Erica, she is crazy, but not very, very beautiful." I wish Agnese would just open up and tell us what she's thinking. Over in Tuscany, the group has gathered around a swimming pool. Fortunately, there's a wet bar near the pool. After all, it's probably been a good twenty minutes since any of these people have had a drink. We wouldn't want their bodies to go into shock. Sadie takes Lorenzo to the side and tells him she's still a virgin. Lorenzo thanks her for sharing that with him, and that makes him admire her even more. It's a sad statement on society when it's considered a miracle that someone has made it to the ripe old age of 23 without losing their virginity. Later, sensing that the other girls just don't hate Lisa enough, Lorenzo pulls her to the side for some one-on-one time. "We haven't had any one-on-one time since our date," he says. I think there are still girls on this group date who have never had one-on-one time with him. Predictably, one of the girls (Jeannette) tells us that she senses that Lisa can't be trusted, that maybe she's not sincere about her feelings for Lorenzo. Now there's an accusation you haven't heard thrown around every single season of The Bachelor. What's next? Will someone try to say that Lisa's on the show "for the wrong reasons"? That would be shocking. Speaking of that, what the heck are the right reasons for being a contestant on this show? No reasonable person would believe that this is the best way to find one's soul mate. Twenty-five attractive women immediately fall madly in love with some doofus they've never met. In the meantime, that doofus, while under the influence of alcohol, is able to narrow this group down through a series of two-minute conversations until he ends up with the one woman who's meant to be the mother of his children. And we're supposed to believe that everyone is participating because they're truly in love with the doofus. But I digress. Once Lorenzo and Lisa are alone, he wastes no time telling her why he pulled her aside. He wants a kiss. "Gee," Lisa says, "I don't know. I mean, we hardly know each other and I only do that with a guy if I know he really has feelings for me." ... maybe in Alternate Universe Bachelor In this universe, Lisa is only too happy to oblige. What follows is the noisiest kiss I've ever heard on TV. Slurp, smack, sluuuurrrp. Lorenzo says he can do that all night. If he did, it would probably keep the neighbors awake. Back at the bachelorette pad, Erica explains to us her secret for communicating so well with Agnese, "I speak English very slowly... And I speak English with an Italian accent, so Agnes understands me perfectly." Get this girl a job at the United Nations. In Tuscany, Lorenzo and company are playing "Truth or Dare" in his bedroom. The "dare" part gives the girls the opportunity to take turns being skanky. When it comes to Lorenzo's turn, he chooses "truth". Sadie asks him which girls has he kissed. He responds by saying he's kissed all of them, which is true since he's kissed them on the cheek. Smooth. Later the next morning, Lorenzo pulls Jennifer to the side and asks her about her teaching career. Surprisingly, the chat ends with a little kiss on the mouth. Maybe Lorenzo has turned into a kissing fool now. Later that morning during breakfast, Lorenzo gives the rose to Jeannette. Needless to say, Lisa is a little surprised. Sadie wonders if telling Lorenzo that she is saving herself has damaged her chances. She shouldn't worry. If it has damaged her chances with Lorenzo, he's not the man for her anyway. It is now time for the two-on-one date and Erica and Agnese leave in a limosine to meet His Princeliness. Erica tells us, "I think I'm %100 right for Lorenzo and I think Agnese is the least attractive girl in the house. I just don't think she's princess material." Earth to Erica. Come in, Erica. Agnese tells us, "I'm going to get a rose on this date, no matter what." Let the cat fight begin! Once the girls arrive at Lorenzo's bachelor castle, His Kissiness tells the girls that he's changed his mind and that he would rather the three of them hang out around the castle and eat pizza and drink beer. Talk about romantic! Since the girls are dressed in evening gowns, he invites them to borrow some of his clothes so they can be comfortable. Why do women look so much better in our clothes than we do? We are treated to more wisdom from Erica, "Lorenzo is royalty. He's not a commoner, and he definately needs me. No one else here could do the job. I think Agnes is a gold digger. And like, he could find a girl like Jen anywhere. A girl like Sadie that's a virgin, ok, like maybe that's a little bit rare. And like, a girl like Lisa is just a notch up from that. And I am like seven notches up from that. I am still into Lorenzo, and I would like to get a rose. And after that I would like him to stop being such a dumb*** and start showing some interest in me." Erica is the most genuine girl in the whole house - genuinely nuts. Lorenzo tells us that he likes Agnese, but he's still concerned about the language barrier. "You need to be able to communicate to have a relationship," he says. At that moment, all the married men watching yell, "Are you crazy? That's the perfect woman! She won't be trying to talk to you while you're watching TV!" The time comes for Lorenzo to give the rose to one of the girls. One of them will be going home. He starts off by telling Erica how she's an "amazing girl" and that "it would be tough to find fault" with her. Yeah, until she opens her mouth. But, Lorenzo feels that because Erica seems so different tonight than she did before that she would be the type of person who would just change to suit him. Lorenzo wants a girl who will be herself no matter what. Personally, I didn't see this "change" in Erica, but hey, whatever gets Crazy Girl out the door. As Lorenzo walks the lunatic downstairs, she begins blubbering about how it's unfair because she's been "judged" her whole life because she's rich and pretty and smart, and she thought that Lorenzo would feel the same way she does because he's probably been judged his whole life for the same reasons, and... and... waaaaahhhh!!!! The limosine door closes, but Erica concludes she hasn't blubbered enough. So she rolls down her window to tell Lorenzo that he doesn't really know her and that she's sorry he's made such a terrible mistake. A class act to the end. Lorenzo goes upstairs to join Agnese. As they stand out on the balcony looking at the lights of Rome, he tells her to "keep looking". Soon, a fireworks show erupts just for them. Lorenzo, still in a kissing mood, starts to play wide-mouthed smoochy face with Agnese. Finally, the Rose Ceremony. Tonight, the girl without a rose is Gina. As Gina tearfully tells us that she was really surprised to be sent home and that she would have given her all to Lorenzo, everyone at home wonders, "Who the heck is Gina?" Seriously, I don't even remember seeing this girl until now. Next week - Toga party in a pool! Skankiness erupts! Later this season - Erica returns to pit the girls against each other. Lorenzo makes it a point to kiss everyone.