Episode Recap: The Bachelor - Rome, Week 6

Episode 6 Original Air Date: November 13, 2006 The field has been narrowed to only three bachelorettes this week, and... oh, who gives a crap, anyway? Sorry, I'm still mourning for Agnese. This whole thing seems so pointless without her. Sigh. Anyway, not that it matters, but Lorenzo's first date this episode is with Jen, or as I like to call her, Not Agnese. As you may recall, Jen is a young teacher who lives in Pembroke Pines, Florida, with her Mom and Psycho-Daddy ("Wanna see muh guns?"). Each of the dates Lorenzo will have with the women this round will take place in an exotic location, and Jen's date this episode takes place in Sweden. So to really experience Sweden's unique culture, Lorenzo decides to take Jen to a place the Swedes refer to as an "amusement park". This place has concession stands, booths where you can win stuffed animals, and something called a "roller coaster". It looks like a lot of fun! They ought to build one of those amusement park thingies over here in America! Because this is The Bachelor, it is extremely important that Lorenzo and Jen locate an alcoholic beverage as soon as possible. Thankfully, this amusement park place has a bar. More specifically it has an "Ice Bar", which is basically a large deep freezer where someone will serve you drinks while you stand around wearing a parka and commenting on how cold the place is. It looks like loads of fun. While inside, Lorenzo tells Jen that the bar is not nearly as cold as New York in Wintertime. He asks her if she would consider moving to New York. Being young and therefore stupid, Jen quickly answers yes. "Really? Would your family mind if you moved so far away?" Lorenzo asks. "They'd be fine with it as long as they could visit whenever they wanted." "Would your dad bring his guns?" OK, maybe Lorenzo didn't ask that last question. But if he were smart, he would have. Later over dinner, Jen tells Lorenzo that she's in a place now where she can see herself getting married and having children. Oddly enough, Lorenzo doesn't look frightened when he hears this. Maybe he's had a chance to practice his poker face since Lisa's Crazy Bride routine last episode. Lorenzo asks Jen if she's ever been in love. As she talks about the two times she's been in love in her short life, she seems so sweet and so young. Maybe I'm just getting old, but I am around the same age as Lorenzo. How does he not feel like he's dating his little sister? Lorenzo invites Jennifer to share the Fantasy Suite with him that evening, and she accepts. In the closing scene of this date, the couple take advantage of the suite's jacuzzi. Much smoochifying ensues. Lorenzo's next date is with Lisa, whom I also know as Not Agnese. Lisa's date takes place in Budapest, Hungary (as opposed to Budapest, Iowa). Lorenzo is still smarting from the bridestravaganza he was subjected to on his last date with Lisa. He tells us that he's concerned that she signed up for The Bachelor just to be on TV or to find a husband. He worries that she's not there 'for him'. Ah, Lisa. Why can't she be like the other girls? They seem to have signed up for the show just to be with Lorenzo, nevermind the fact that they had neither met nor heard of him beforehand. They were born just to be available for him to choose from. They've probably known Lorenzo all of four weeks, so they are more than willing to proclaim their undying love for him and immediately start bearing his children. There's only one word to describe women like that - "insane". At first glance, this comment by Lorenzo about Lisa's intentions seems like the height of arrogance. First of all, if these girls didn't want to be on TV, why would they have applied to be on a TV show? Does Prince Charming really think there's no other way these 25 beautiful women could've found dates as good as him? Secondly, as Lorenzo himself points out to Lisa, the whole purpose of The Bachelor is supposedly to find a husband. So what's his deal? I think he's bought into the whole fairy-tale world set up by The Bachelor. This show has got to be the ultimate ego-trip for him, or for any man in his shoes. It would be very easy to lose one's grip on reality. But I digress. Lorenzo decides he wants to begin the date by taking Lisa to a wine festival (of course!). After becoming tired of standing around and drinking, they decide they should go drink on a boat. Over lunch, or maybe it's just over a round of drinks at a table on the boat, Lorenzo asks Lisa some "tough questions". He gets all Perry Mason on her, but starts out subtle. "So, your mom tells me your a big fan of The Bachelor." "Uh-huh." Watch out, Lisa! He's setting a trap! He then asks her what she thought about all of the previous Bachelors. She then digs a hole for herself by trashing all of the previous Bachelors, calling one of them a "total tool". Perhaps realizing her mistake when Lorenzo presses her harder, Lisa says she liked all the guys, and she found them "entertaining". "But you wouldn't want to marry any of them?" Lorenzo asks. "No, I wouldn't want to marry any of them." "But you know The Bachelor is about finding a husband... Did you apply for the show before finding out who [this season's bachelor] was?" "Yeah." "Even after you watched the season about the guy who was a 'tool'?" "Um... yeah." "Don't you think that's weird?" "Kinda." "Well, yeah!" Ooh, good work, Councilor! And strike one for Lisa! Dinner doesn't seem to go much better. Lorenzo interrogates Lisa about her past relationships and gets her to admit she fell in love with one guy while still dating another, then applying for The Bachelor just three weeks after breaking up with that guy. Strike Two! Lorenzo also tells Lisa that he doesn't see himself moving out to Portland to be with her, and asks if she would consider moving to New York. "I don't know," she says, "That's a big move. We'll have to cross that bridge as we go through it." Strike Three! Normally, a person is out after three strikes. But Lorenzo is a man-skank, so he invites Lisa to share the Fantasy Suite with him that evening. In the suite, Lisa admits to Lorenzo that she felt "put on the spot" by his questions. Lorenzo tells us that he was glad to see Lisa nervous after being comfortable throughout her entire experience on the show. Much smoochifying ensues. Lorenzo's last exotic date this episode takes place in Sicily with sweet little virgin Sadie, or as I affectionately call her, Not Agnese. Sadie tells us she's nervous about being invited up to the Fantasy Suite. Committed to remaining a virgin until marriage, she isn't sure she wants to be alone in a room with Lorenzo all night. She's also nervous about how physical he may have gotten with the other girls in their Fantasy Suites, which just demonstrates how rediculous this show is. All these attractive women share their "boyfriend" with each other, and they do it willingly! Only on TV. The first thing the happy couple do is sip champagne while relaxing on chaise lounge chairs while viewing the Sicilian countryside. Lorenzo tells Sadie he intends to take her scuba diving next. But, wait! There's no alcohol under water! How will they manage?! Somehow they muddle through. The whole scuba diving session takes place in a swimming pool. What is the point of that? At least they round off the day giving each other body massages. Over dinner, the conversation goes very well. They seem to want the same things out of life and Lorenzo appears to be surprised and delighted by all of Sadie's answers to his questions. Sadie becomes nervous about just how well things are going and excuses herself from the table so she can think about what she wants to do next (she leaves the table before, not after Lorenzo gets a chance to pull out the Fantasy Card like the promos would have us believe). When she comes back she tells Lorenzo that she doesn't know whether he plans to invite her to the Fantasy Suite, but she is nervous about going up. Of course, she adds, that doesn't mean she won't do it. wink! wink! Lorenzo tells her he totally understands her moral convictions and that he'll offer the invitation, but without any pressure to do anything but talk. Sadie accepts. Much smoochifying ensues. The Rose Ceremony - Three girls, one rose. Funny how the narrator is always there to help us do the math. Lorenzo wants to keep this short, because this time it is very difficult for him since he's so attached to all three women. Difficult for him? These women all look like they're going to pass out if they don't immediately find out who gets the roses. The first rose goes to Sadie. The second rose goes to Jennifer. Lisa is left out. Lorenzo walks Lisa out and sits her down to discuss his decision. He better make it quick. Lisa has to hurry and find the next guy so she can make her wedding deadline. Lorenzo tells her that if he were to ask her to marry him and she said "yes", he could never be sure if she accepted because she truly loved him or because of her Love Calendar. The discussion then descends into a silly argument about whether Lisa primarily applied to The Bachelor to have fun, or because she was serious about finding a man. In the limo, Lisa tells us Lorenzo made a mistake, but she doesn't bad-mouth the other women, so we'll put her on the Classy Exit list. Next week - The reunion show. Lisa faces the girls who trashed her. More Erica!