Episode Recap: The Bachelor - Rome, Week 8 FINALE

Episode 8 Original Air Date: November 27, 2006 It's down to the last two bachelorettes. Will Lorenzo choose the sweet, bubbly, naive young blonde, or will he choose the sweet, bubbly, naive young blonde? Even as this episode begins, Lorenzo claims he's still having trouble deciding between Jen and Sadie. No wonder, they're exactly the same! His Highness feels he needs backup, so he's called in his parents to help him make his decision. Much ado is made in the narration of "Prince and Princess Borghese" coming "back" to Rome to help their son. Nevermind the fact that "Princess" Amanda sounds like she could be from Connecticut. The whole "Prince Lorenzo" bit was cute at the beginning of the season, but at this point it's just insulting to the average viewer's intelligence. Even Lorenzo has admitted on several occasions that the only reason he has a title is because some distant relative who had become Pope decided to start passing out titles to the family. "Hey, Cousin Antonio, I lika the way you dress. I maka you a prince." Lorenzo greets his folks then sits them down to talk. Prince Dad asks Prince Lorenzo how they can help him with the two girls. Lorenzo replies that he needs their advice and help to choose. Princess Mom tells us confidentially that she'd be much happier if Lorenzo already knew for sure which girl he wanted. Later, she tells Lorenzo that she's designed an engagement ring with some big-time jewelry designer. She hopes it can be passed down the family for generations. Odds are, by that time the family will still be milking the Italian titles for all they're worth. The Royal Folks first meet Jen when she comes over to the castle for lunch. They ask the usual questions ("What do you like about Lorenzo?" "Lorenzo, what do you like about Jen?"), and receive the usual vapid answers. However, Princess Mom also asks Jen what are some of the main differences between her and Sadie. Jen says she's tough, and that she's less afraid to show her real self, or some garbage like that. The correct answer is that there are no differences. Later, Princess Mom reads Jen's palm. What? Didn't you know that all Italian princesses go around reading people's palms? Apparently, Princess Mom sees from Jen's hand that she leads with heart instead of her head. Deep. Right before the commercial break, host Chris Harrison says as he narrates, "Next up - Sadie meets the Borgheses. But what will happen when she opens up about being a virgin?" Well, what do you expect will happen, Chris? That this will be a turn-off to Lorenzo's mom? "We're sorry, Sadie, but we were hoping Lorenzo would end up with someone a little more, well, slutty." Dinner with Sadie - more typical questions, more vapid answers. Princess Mom asks Sadie what makes her different from Jen. Said responds that she's "more spunky and spontaneous", and Jen's "more reserved". Princess Mom tells Sadie that that's the same thing Jen said about her. More palm reading. Apparently, Sadie leads with her head, not her heart. Hey, a difference! But then, when Princess Mom is trying to ascertain Sadie's sign, we find out that her birthday is just four days before Jen's. D'oh! Later, when Lorenzo is alone with Prince Dad, he says that he doesn't see any negatives in either Jen or Sadie. Then he asks his dad if he had seen any negatives in Princess Mom when they were dating. Prince Dad replies that it was so long ago, that if he did see any negatives, he doesn't remember. But I think he's just saying that because he knows he's being filmed. If he were being honest, he'd probably something like, "Your mother would taka way too longa doing her hair. We could never-a get anywhere on time, because she spend so mucha time ina the bathroom. Also, she wasa very bossy." The evening ends and the Royal Parents have decided they like both girls. Prince Dad gives both Sadie and Jen a "50/50 chance". In other words, the parents are no help whatsoever so far. They can't be blamed, though. It's like trying to pick a favorite Olsen twin (before the eating disorder). The next day, Princess Mom surprises Lorenzo when she tells him that she's invited both girls and their parents for brunch (Italian royalty can't be bothered to get up early enough for breakfast). As the girls and their parents arrive at the castle, it's apparent that Princess Mom didn't bother to tell anyone else that everyone would be together at the same time. Both girls figured they'd be having Brunch without the other girl. Can you say "awkward"? Earlier, during the limo ride to the castle, Jen tells her parents that she's had lots of romantic times with Lorenzo. Jen's dad says, "But not too romantic, right?" Has this guy ever seen The Bachelor? Regular viewers will remember Jen's Psycho Daddy ("let me show ya muh shotgun") from the hometown dates episode. He tells us he's nervous about meeting Prince Borghese since he's just a good old boy from South Georgia. He says he's praying that he doesn't make a "complete idiot" out of himself. Unfortunately, he's off to a bad start with his clothes. Apparently, he's never heard of the phrase "dress casual". He's going to an ancient Italian castle to have a fancy brunch with fake Italian royalty who might just be his future in-laws, and he's dressed like he's going to a garage sale. Like most hillbillies, he just doesn't seem to realize that there are some occasions in life that call for a pair of Dockers. He also doesn't seem to realize that a logical way to avoid making an idiot of oneself is to keep one's mouth shut. Instead, he goes on and on during brunch about how awkward the situation is and even asks Lorenzo to state in front of everyone which girl he prefers. Even Jen is embarrassed. She should be grateful he had to leave his guns at home. During brunch it is discovered that both Jen's dad and Sadie's dad wear glasses and have facial hair. Both moms are guidance counselors. This is getting spooky. Brunch finally ends and everyone disperses. Later (the next day?), Lorenzo visits each father to ask for the girls' hands in marriage. Jen's dad says that question "is a tough one", but if Lorenzo is sincere and wants what's best for Jen, then he can honor that. That's probably the first non-idiotic thing that has come out of this guy's mouth since he's appeared on the show. Later, Sadie's dad isn't so hesitant and right away gives Lorenzo his blessing. He doesn't hesitate because he trusts his daughter. Besides, the Borgheses are filthy rich! The next day, Lorenzo and Sadie go on a final date before the last Rose Ceremony. (My God, could they possibly drag this out any longer?! Choose already!!) The date begins with Lorenzo taking Sadie sailing on what appears to be a huge lake. Yes, not only can His Princeliness pilot a plane, but he can sail a boat as well. How easy can a guy make it for everyone else to hate him? That evening they have dinner and agree that it's important to be with someone with whom one can share moments of "comfortable silence". They decide to have a moment of comfortable silence. Lorenzo should enjoy it. If he gets married, it will be the last moment of silence, comfortable or otherwise, he'll experience in a long time. At one point, Sadie whips out a little scrapbook she's made for Lorenzo. It contains the first rose he gave her, the first post card he bought her, and the fantasy card, among other things. For Jen's date, Lorenzo takes her horseback riding. They wear helmets the whole time. No self-respecting horseback rider wears a helmet. Yes, there's a definite possibility of getting hurt, but it's not like riding a motorcycle, for Pete's sake. That evening they grill hamburgers on the patio of a small villa that Lorenzo has rented for the occasion. That's definitely a must-do for anyone who takes the trouble to travel all the way to Rome: 1 See the Colliseum 2 Visit Vatican City 3 Grill hamburgers outside It's the morning of The Big Decision, and Lorenzo still isn't sure whom he'll choose. He goes to pick up the ring his mom designed for him (Yes, it's beautiful, what did you expect?) Both girls talk about how they can see themselves spending the rest of their lives with Lorenzo. In other words, filler. Finally, The Moment of Reckoning. Sadie arrives at the castle and Lorenzo takes her by the hands. He stares deeply into her eyes and starts to pour his heart out, "From the moment I met you, I knew I wanted you to stick around... blah blah blah... I knew I was falling for you... blah blah blah..." Enough already! Give us an answer! Finally, he gets down to it - "... In your 'Wish List', you said you deserve a guy who couldn't fathom being with another girl. Well, there is another girl here, and I'd rather be with her." As cold as that sounds, Sadie actually seems to take it better than Lorenzo, who looks like he's about to have a breakdown any minute. "You know what's best for you," she says, "What? Why are you looking at me like that? I'll be fine." But Lorenzo decides to stare at her until she breaks down and cries. She says she feels foolish because she believed that what went on between her and Lorenzo was real. He assures her that it was real... just not as real as what went on between him and Jen. Later, during a confessional in front of the camera, Lorenzo expresses just how hard it was to hurt Sadie's feelings. He breaks down in tears. Sadie cries more during her limo ride away from the castle. It's hard to understand what she's saying amidst all the quiet blubbering and the overly loud mood music of the show. I think it was something like, "I don't understand how I could have such strong feelings for someone and they don't feel the same way... I took a really big chance because I have been really hurt, and now I've been hurt again." Jen's limo pulls up to the castle and she's her usual incredibly bubbly self. She tries to compose herself as she walks in to meet Lorenzo, but she can't repress her girlish giggling, even as Lorenzo gives his speech to her. Finally, Lorenzo shows Jen the ring and says, "I love you. I love everything about you. I'm not at the point where I can ask you to marry me. That doesn't mean I won't be in the long term." He then goes on to say how he wants to get out of "this Garden of Eden" and see if his feelings for her on "Planet Earth" are the same as they have been in Rome. Jen accepts and both seem very happy to be together. Next Season - Lt. Andy Baldwin. He's a doctor! He's an Iron Man Tri-athlete! He's an officer in the Navy! He's got muscles! I'm going to be sick! Spring 2007.

Episode Recap: The Bachelor - Rome, Week 7

Episode 7 Original Air Date: November 20, 2006 It's that time once again for the "The Women Speak!" episode. You may know it by it's rejected title, "An Excuse to Squeeze Another Episode Out of the Bachelor!". This season's reunion episode pretty much contains the same snarky cat-fighting as the other seasons, so I will spare you the blow-by-blow commentary and just list the highlights. Gems from Erica: - On her reaction when the two Italian girls were introduced into the group - "I was a little nervous, because I thought they walked in with such, like, an arrogance about them, and, like, they walked in all slutty. And I'm like, whatever." - To Jami, who had compared herself to Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman - "First of all, why would you want to compare yourself to a prostitute? ...I just think you'd be happier with a different type of man, like a football player, or a country singer." - On living in the Bachelor mansion without maids - "I felt like I was on Survivor or something." From Agnese: - On why she didn't feel Erica was competition - "We are really different person, and, if Lorenzo like Erica, please, don't like me. Please!" - On being rid of Erica after the 2-on-1 date - "I come home with a rose, and I come without Erica! Yes!" From Host Chris Harrison: - To Erica, who had just denied being mean to Agnese - "But you called her 'Skagnese' and 'a prostitute'!" - Responding to Erica, who had just compared living in the Bachelor house without maids to being on Survivor - "Yeah, on that horrible vineyard in Rome!" Finally, from His Worshipfulness, Prince Lorenzo: - To Erica, who had just finished harping yet again on Lorenzo supposedly judging her - "To make this work, you'd have to be a completely different person." Other observations: - Erica was still wearing the tiara when she appeared on this episode. Apparently, the princess delusion is still holding strong. - Agnese's dress looked like she stole it from a dwarf. Seriously, it was like six sizes too small (not that I'm complaining). - The claws of the other women came out when it was Lisa's turn on the hot seat. But she handled it with class and didn't sink to their level.

Episode Recap: The Bachelor - Rome, Week 6

Episode 6 Original Air Date: November 13, 2006 The field has been narrowed to only three bachelorettes this week, and... oh, who gives a crap, anyway? Sorry, I'm still mourning for Agnese. This whole thing seems so pointless without her. Sigh. Anyway, not that it matters, but Lorenzo's first date this episode is with Jen, or as I like to call her, Not Agnese. As you may recall, Jen is a young teacher who lives in Pembroke Pines, Florida, with her Mom and Psycho-Daddy ("Wanna see muh guns?"). Each of the dates Lorenzo will have with the women this round will take place in an exotic location, and Jen's date this episode takes place in Sweden. So to really experience Sweden's unique culture, Lorenzo decides to take Jen to a place the Swedes refer to as an "amusement park". This place has concession stands, booths where you can win stuffed animals, and something called a "roller coaster". It looks like a lot of fun! They ought to build one of those amusement park thingies over here in America! Because this is The Bachelor, it is extremely important that Lorenzo and Jen locate an alcoholic beverage as soon as possible. Thankfully, this amusement park place has a bar. More specifically it has an "Ice Bar", which is basically a large deep freezer where someone will serve you drinks while you stand around wearing a parka and commenting on how cold the place is. It looks like loads of fun. While inside, Lorenzo tells Jen that the bar is not nearly as cold as New York in Wintertime. He asks her if she would consider moving to New York. Being young and therefore stupid, Jen quickly answers yes. "Really? Would your family mind if you moved so far away?" Lorenzo asks. "They'd be fine with it as long as they could visit whenever they wanted." "Would your dad bring his guns?" OK, maybe Lorenzo didn't ask that last question. But if he were smart, he would have. Later over dinner, Jen tells Lorenzo that she's in a place now where she can see herself getting married and having children. Oddly enough, Lorenzo doesn't look frightened when he hears this. Maybe he's had a chance to practice his poker face since Lisa's Crazy Bride routine last episode. Lorenzo asks Jen if she's ever been in love. As she talks about the two times she's been in love in her short life, she seems so sweet and so young. Maybe I'm just getting old, but I am around the same age as Lorenzo. How does he not feel like he's dating his little sister? Lorenzo invites Jennifer to share the Fantasy Suite with him that evening, and she accepts. In the closing scene of this date, the couple take advantage of the suite's jacuzzi. Much smoochifying ensues. Lorenzo's next date is with Lisa, whom I also know as Not Agnese. Lisa's date takes place in Budapest, Hungary (as opposed to Budapest, Iowa). Lorenzo is still smarting from the bridestravaganza he was subjected to on his last date with Lisa. He tells us that he's concerned that she signed up for The Bachelor just to be on TV or to find a husband. He worries that she's not there 'for him'. Ah, Lisa. Why can't she be like the other girls? They seem to have signed up for the show just to be with Lorenzo, nevermind the fact that they had neither met nor heard of him beforehand. They were born just to be available for him to choose from. They've probably known Lorenzo all of four weeks, so they are more than willing to proclaim their undying love for him and immediately start bearing his children. There's only one word to describe women like that - "insane". At first glance, this comment by Lorenzo about Lisa's intentions seems like the height of arrogance. First of all, if these girls didn't want to be on TV, why would they have applied to be on a TV show? Does Prince Charming really think there's no other way these 25 beautiful women could've found dates as good as him? Secondly, as Lorenzo himself points out to Lisa, the whole purpose of The Bachelor is supposedly to find a husband. So what's his deal? I think he's bought into the whole fairy-tale world set up by The Bachelor. This show has got to be the ultimate ego-trip for him, or for any man in his shoes. It would be very easy to lose one's grip on reality. But I digress. Lorenzo decides he wants to begin the date by taking Lisa to a wine festival (of course!). After becoming tired of standing around and drinking, they decide they should go drink on a boat. Over lunch, or maybe it's just over a round of drinks at a table on the boat, Lorenzo asks Lisa some "tough questions". He gets all Perry Mason on her, but starts out subtle. "So, your mom tells me your a big fan of The Bachelor." "Uh-huh." Watch out, Lisa! He's setting a trap! He then asks her what she thought about all of the previous Bachelors. She then digs a hole for herself by trashing all of the previous Bachelors, calling one of them a "total tool". Perhaps realizing her mistake when Lorenzo presses her harder, Lisa says she liked all the guys, and she found them "entertaining". "But you wouldn't want to marry any of them?" Lorenzo asks. "No, I wouldn't want to marry any of them." "But you know The Bachelor is about finding a husband... Did you apply for the show before finding out who [this season's bachelor] was?" "Yeah." "Even after you watched the season about the guy who was a 'tool'?" "Um... yeah." "Don't you think that's weird?" "Kinda." "Well, yeah!" Ooh, good work, Councilor! And strike one for Lisa! Dinner doesn't seem to go much better. Lorenzo interrogates Lisa about her past relationships and gets her to admit she fell in love with one guy while still dating another, then applying for The Bachelor just three weeks after breaking up with that guy. Strike Two! Lorenzo also tells Lisa that he doesn't see himself moving out to Portland to be with her, and asks if she would consider moving to New York. "I don't know," she says, "That's a big move. We'll have to cross that bridge as we go through it." Strike Three! Normally, a person is out after three strikes. But Lorenzo is a man-skank, so he invites Lisa to share the Fantasy Suite with him that evening. In the suite, Lisa admits to Lorenzo that she felt "put on the spot" by his questions. Lorenzo tells us that he was glad to see Lisa nervous after being comfortable throughout her entire experience on the show. Much smoochifying ensues. Lorenzo's last exotic date this episode takes place in Sicily with sweet little virgin Sadie, or as I affectionately call her, Not Agnese. Sadie tells us she's nervous about being invited up to the Fantasy Suite. Committed to remaining a virgin until marriage, she isn't sure she wants to be alone in a room with Lorenzo all night. She's also nervous about how physical he may have gotten with the other girls in their Fantasy Suites, which just demonstrates how rediculous this show is. All these attractive women share their "boyfriend" with each other, and they do it willingly! Only on TV. The first thing the happy couple do is sip champagne while relaxing on chaise lounge chairs while viewing the Sicilian countryside. Lorenzo tells Sadie he intends to take her scuba diving next. But, wait! There's no alcohol under water! How will they manage?! Somehow they muddle through. The whole scuba diving session takes place in a swimming pool. What is the point of that? At least they round off the day giving each other body massages. Over dinner, the conversation goes very well. They seem to want the same things out of life and Lorenzo appears to be surprised and delighted by all of Sadie's answers to his questions. Sadie becomes nervous about just how well things are going and excuses herself from the table so she can think about what she wants to do next (she leaves the table before, not after Lorenzo gets a chance to pull out the Fantasy Card like the promos would have us believe). When she comes back she tells Lorenzo that she doesn't know whether he plans to invite her to the Fantasy Suite, but she is nervous about going up. Of course, she adds, that doesn't mean she won't do it. wink! wink! Lorenzo tells her he totally understands her moral convictions and that he'll offer the invitation, but without any pressure to do anything but talk. Sadie accepts. Much smoochifying ensues. The Rose Ceremony - Three girls, one rose. Funny how the narrator is always there to help us do the math. Lorenzo wants to keep this short, because this time it is very difficult for him since he's so attached to all three women. Difficult for him? These women all look like they're going to pass out if they don't immediately find out who gets the roses. The first rose goes to Sadie. The second rose goes to Jennifer. Lisa is left out. Lorenzo walks Lisa out and sits her down to discuss his decision. He better make it quick. Lisa has to hurry and find the next guy so she can make her wedding deadline. Lorenzo tells her that if he were to ask her to marry him and she said "yes", he could never be sure if she accepted because she truly loved him or because of her Love Calendar. The discussion then descends into a silly argument about whether Lisa primarily applied to The Bachelor to have fun, or because she was serious about finding a man. In the limo, Lisa tells us Lorenzo made a mistake, but she doesn't bad-mouth the other women, so we'll put her on the Classy Exit list. Next week - The reunion show. Lisa faces the girls who trashed her. More Erica!