Episode Recap: Survivor Fiji, Week 3

Episode: This Isn't Survival, It's Thrival Original Air Date: February 22, 2007 Why do they have to load so many good shows on the Thursday schedule? Are the TV gods conspiring against me? Survivor, Smallville, and The Office are all on at the same time. My DVR can only record two shows at once! Come on, spread it out a little! And apparently two nights are just not enough to air American Idol. No, Fox had to get greedy and show it on Thursday this week as well. Or maybe it's because they have absolutely nothing else worth showing and they need Idol to fill all of the holes in their schedule. Curse you, Fox network! Curse you! Day 5 Moto is living high on the proverbial hog and loving every minute of it. This morning a couple of the women have decided to paint the floor of their shelter. The show has actually provided them with can of paint and brushes. The castaways on Gilligan's Island didn't have it this good. "This is too easy," one of the Moto tribe members tells another as he finishes his cooked meal which he just ate on china with silverware. Boo tells us, "This isn't survival, it's thrival." Meanwhile, the emaciated members of Ravu are laying on the ground counting their ribs, since they're too week to do anything else. Suddenly, Earl returns from Exile Island. Somehow the other members muster up the energy to crawl to the beach to ask him if he brought any water. Earl tells us it was like "landing on a beach full of begging children". Later, Michelle tries to use her eyeglasses to start a fire. She succeeds in getting some embers burning and the rest of the tribe help her grow it into a full-blown fire. Rocky tells us, "I'd be scared to be the other team right now. We're so fired up it's rediculous." Then he promptly falls over from dehydration. Convoluted Rewards Challenge Jeff seems surprised to find out that Ravu has done "what few tribes on Survivor have ever done" - that is made fire all by them little selves. Since they now have fire, they no longer need to earn it, so Jeff tosses them the flint. The tribes will be playing for their choice of three rewards - their luxury items, exact duplicates of all the fishing gear Moto won during the last challenge, or a bowl of fruit. The challenge involves each tribe sending one member at a time to slide across what amounts to a giant Slip 'N Slide™, snag a numbered ball off of a hanging rope, and toss the ball into a basket. Whichever castaway gets the ball into the basket before the other castaway from the opposing tribe, wins a point for his or her tribe. The truly unfortunate thing about this challenge is that elderly Yau Man feels it necessary to take his shirt off. The only thing worse than a scrawny, half-naked, sagging old man, is a starving, scrawny, half-naked, sagging old man. That is not a sight you want to see shortly before going to bed. Another unfortunate thing about this challenge is that it is not enough for Moto simply to win. No, they have to spank Ravu hard. The final score was six to two. The tribes didn't even get a chance to send out all of their members. Moto sends Sylvia to Exile (this time she will not be immune from elimination), and chooses the fishing gear as their reward, because, hey, you can never have too much fishing gear. Exile Island The snakes! The snakes! This place is supposed to be overrun by these critters, but every time they cut to a scene with a snake, it looks like the same one. I think they show the same stupid snake five time during this episode alone. Maybe they only had two snakes and Earl killed one of them during the last episode. The new clue tells Sylvia pretty much the exact location of the Immunity Idol. It's supposed to be buried deep under the threshold of the cave mouth back at camp. Sylvia better find it fast once she gets back. She's not exactly Miss Popular back at camp, and her dismal performance during today's challenge probably didn't help her chances much, either. Moto Camp Gary "Papa Smurf" isn't doing very well. He's having trouble breathing and he's experiencing sharp chest pains. The Survivor medics come and give him what is supposed to resemble an examination. Gary tells them he feels like there's a knife in his chest and he's so disoriented he's not sure he can remember his name. The medics tell him it's nothing serious, and to take some analgesics and get some rest. The guy is disoriented, can't breathe, and is having severe chest pains, so they tell him to take two pills and call them in the morning. Where do these medics work, an HMO? Convoluted Immunity Challenge Gary still isn't feeling the best, but shows up for the challenge anyway. Other tribal members wonder if maybe he should just quit. This challenge involves rounds of individual tribal members going head to head with members from the opposing tribe in an eating competition. The castaways must scarf down giant clams, a squid tentacle, peanut worms, fish eyes, and pig snouts that still have hair attached. One would think Ravu would have this challenge in the bag, since they are all on the brink of starvation. But, no, Moto has to win this one as well. Even Gary participates, easily finishing his hairy pig snouts ahead of Anthony. Ravu will once again be voting someone off tonight. Tribal Council and the Pre-Scheming Before Tribal Council, Rocky had been campaigning to have Sylvia voted off. Actually, he had been instructing everyone to vote her off. He seems to fancy himself the Illustrious Leader of an imaginary alliance. Mookie, on the other hand, is determined to vote off Anthony, since Anthony didn't seem to be trying hard enough during the last challenge. Sylvia tries to dig nonchalantly at the cave's mouth. Everyone is just a few feet away, so she doesn't want them to know she's looking for the Idol. The amazing thing is, no one seems to catch on. The tribe gathers for Tribal Council and cast their votes. Before he counts the votes, Jeff asks if anyone would like to play the Idol. Sylvia doesn't have it. Jeff reads off the votes. It's pretty close - Sylvia 4, Anthony 3, and Earl(?) 1. I think this is the first time in a long time Jeff has had to read every vote. Sylvia is the third person voted off of Survivor: Fiji. Next week - Gary is still sick. Liliana flirts. Rocky makes Anthony cry.

Episode Recap: Survivor Fiji, Week 2

Episode: Snakes Are Misunderstood ...We Have An Understanding Now Original Air Date: February 15, 2007 Not to be mean, but has anyone else noticed the serious lack of eye candy in this season's Survivor, especially compared to last season? Cook Islands was swimming in both beef- and cheesecake, what with all those fit young people running around. It was like Survivor 90210. This time around, it looks like they filled the island with dumpy people just to balance it off with last season. Day 4 The Ravu Tribe is doing its best to survive in Survivor Ghetto. Not only do they lack the "luxuries" of the Moto tribe living uptown, but they don't even have water (actually, they don't have fire to boil the bad water that's available to them). On Day 4 they've taken to licking leaves. Earl says they're getting so dehydrated that they're "delirious". I'm telling you, it's only a matter of time before they start eating each other. Imagine that converstation at Tribal Council: Jeff: "Uh, I can't help but notice you're missing a member of your tribe." Castaway #1: "Yeah, we've already held our own 'Tribal Council' and uh, 'voted off' Earl." Castaway #2: "Yeah, and he was delicious!" Jeff: "Tell me about that... how does that change the dynamic of your tribe?" Over on Easy Street, Moto is living the high life. They've got plenty of food, silverware, hammocks, a big couch, and pillows. Everyone has big smiles on their faces. Maybe they're getting a little too comfortable. Lisi gloats, "This game is so vicious, it's delicious." Summing up everyone's feelings on the matter, Boo lets out a very contented fart. Back at Ravu, everyone is desperately trying to rub sticks together to make fire. But they all quickly become exhausted due to dehydration. Yau Man later starts chopping open coconuts to gather coconut milk. Unfortunately, this job is taking a lot more time and energy than it should because Ravu's machete is dull. What? The producers have only provided these people a machete and a pot, and they can't even give them a sharp machete? Everyone eventually pitches in and several coconuts are opened, but at a very slow pace. The castaways are so weak that no one can chop more than a few cocounuts before they have to take a nap. Over at Moto, Boo doesn't need deprivation or hardship to cause himself harm. First he jabs his eye pretty badly on the tribal sign, causing it to swell most of the way shut. His tribemates provide some first aid in the form of rinsing the eye with water, but it remains swollen. Then just a few minutes later he's chopping wood with an ax, much to the concern of his frightened tribemates, when suddenly he gashes his finger and his knee at the same time. More medical attention is provided. Now he has a swollen eye, a wrapped up hand, and a bloody knee. He decides to lay down in the hammock, but the hammock breaks loose and he falls head first to the floor. Since it was his head that took the brunt of the impact, nothing vital was affected. The scary thing is that this guy is a construction worker. One has to wonder how many times he's had to file for Worker's Comp. Day 5 Sylvia returns from Exile Island and begins her first day with Ravu. She is shocked to find out the tribe has no fire and no water. She actually had fire on Exile, since they provided her with flint there. After seeing how bad things are at Camp Ravu, she probably starts missing the snakes. Yau Man runs to hug Sylvia as she lands on the beach. But it's not because he missed her. The old man wants to know if she found the Immunity Idol. So as he's hugging her, he slyly looks over her shoulder into her bag. He tells us he was ready to "feel her up" to find the idol. Sylvia soon begins to feel like she's an outsider with Ravu. She thinks it's because she missed the first day Ravu was together in their new camp. Of course, it doesn't help that the first thing she does when she arrives from Exile is to start bossing everyone around. After watching thirteen seasons of this show, you'd think that a highly intelligent person like Sylvia would realize that the one thing that will always get a castaway voted off is if he or she starts bossing people around. The boys in the tribe have a pow wow and agree that if they have to vote someone off, it will have to be Sylvia. Dreamz of the Moto Tribe tells us about his experiences being homeless. He was first homeless at seven or eight, because his mother was on drugs. He and his family had to eat out of dumpsters. Dreamz thinks that being on Survivor is actually easier than being homeless. He wants to win Survivor so he can help his family. Moto is still searching the island for food. They hack their way through the forest, they climb the highest hills on the island, they go where no man has gone before. They find nothing. Then Erica happens to be messing around a few feet away from camp and stumbles upon hundreds of pineapples. Earl is so happy, that he proclaims that he and Erica are getting married. Day 6 Convoluted Immunity Challenge Today the tribes are playing for both immunity and rewards in the form of fishing gear. Ravu will also be playing for flint, since they have no fire. The challenge involves each tribe rowing its catamaran out into the ocean to retrieve crates containing puzzle pieces which they must put together to build a flag pole. The first tribe to assemble their flag pole and raise it wins. The emaciated members of Ravu get off to a great start gaining an early lead on Moto by rowing past them and keeping that lead when they pull their crates to the beach well ahead of the other tribe. Ironically, it's the mental portion of the challenge, assembling the puzzle, that slows them down. Erica panics and starts screaming at her teammates. Moto is the first to build their flag pole and wins the challenge. Not only will Ravu be going back to camp without fire, they'll also be voting someone off tonight. On top of all that, one of them will be exiled. Moto chooses to exile Earl. "Watch out for the snakes," Jeff tells him. "I'll eat them," he replies. He's not so cocky when he actually meets a snake on Exile Island, however. He quickly jumps up and runs for his machete. He starts swinging at it, and it takes him a couple of whacks to kill the critter. Earl doesn't like what he had to do though. "I couldn't take that chance," he says, then turns apologetically to the dead snake, "Sorry, buddy. I don't like killing animals." This is only slightly different from what my reaction would have been. I would have said, "AAAAAAAAAAAAH! Die! Die! Die!" Pretty much the same thing. At Camp Ravu everyone starts discussing who to vote off at Tribal Council. Sylvia is no longer the clear choice. Rocky wants Erica to go, due to her little outburst during the challenge. Anthony still thinks they should vote off Sylvia. Rita agrees. She and Anthony have seemed to form a little alliance. Tribal Council Jeff asks his asinine questions. Everyone says that Sylvia is bossy, which Jeff interprets as calling her "the leader". Sylvia says there's no way she could be the leader since she just came back from Exile. But she says she wants everyone to choose a leader tomorrow morning. Yeah, that's going to work. The votes are gathered, tabulated, checked for hanging chads. Of the votes that are counted, it's five to two against Erica. Erica is the second person voted off Survivor: Fiji. Next week - Sylvia digs around camp for the Immunity Idol. One of the male members of Moto experiences some sort of life-threatening emergency (or at least that's how it looks in the teaser).

Episode Recap: Survivor Fiji, Week 1

Episode: Something Cruel Is About to Happen ... Real Soon Original Air Date: February 8, 2007 Fiji - remote tropical islands lush with scenery and replete with primitive living conditions. Why haven't they thought of taping Survivor in some place like this before? They promise us there will be new twists this season, of course. One tribe will live the life of relative luxury in their camp while the other tribe will go without absolutely nothing. There are not one, but two Immunity Idols. And Exile Island is infested with "deadly" sea snakes. What the heck? If that's true, that's insane. Something tells me the snake situation isn't quite how they're portraying it. It would be awfully hard to insure the show if it were that dangerous. The show begins with all nineteen contestants rowing together in catamarans to the same beach on the same island. Jeff tells us in the narration that "fear of the unknown" caused one contestant to drop out even before it was time to row to the island. Unknown? The show is in its fourteenth season, for crying out loud. The group makes it to the beach, and afterward the atmosphere is so cordial you'd think there is a convention of Chronically Happy People taking place. It's always interesting to watch the social dynamics on Survivor descend from lovefest to Lord of the Flies. I'm still waiting for the season where it decends even farther into canabalism. Everyone on this island came with a nickname. There's construction worker "Boo", male cheerleading coach (why would any grown man admit to that?) "Dreamz", and a bartender named "Rocky" because he looks like a young Sylvester Stallone. They're like rappers! Soon, a herd mentality takes over as they all decide to do the same thing at the same time. Someone says, "You want to walk around?", and someone else says, "Hey, everybody let's walk around!" Then all eighteen castaways wander off in the same direction. It goes like that for awhile - "Hey, let's walk up here! Hey, let's look at this cave! Hey, let's climb this hill and look at the ocean!" Moo! Jeff Probst is nowhere to be found, and the fact that they have not been split up into seperate tribes yet is obvious to everyone. Just as the castaways are about to go batty from a complete and utter lack of direction, Jeff flies by on a small airplane and drops a wooden crate into the ocean. The entire herd jumps on the catamaran to go fetch the crate. Once they get the crate back to the island, the big guys try to smash it against a rock to open it. One he-man after another tries and fails when finally Yau Man, a tiny old gentleman who originates from Borneo, walks up, picks the crate up once, and smashes it against the rock, opening it. He says he knew from "simple physics" that the easiest way to open it would be by smashing the corner, or the weakest part, of the crate against the rock. The crate is full of instructions and maps of the island. The castaways are to search the island for a number of items, including parts to a toilet, and assemble them back in camp. They are to get this done by nightfall. The instructions tell the castaway that how they perform on this task will help determine their future on this island. Alex, an attorney, says he knows that something is up. "This is Survivor," he tells us, "something cruel is about to happen ... very soon." The castaways find all kinds of things to make their stay easier, including a complete set of pre-cut lumber to nail together with the provided hammers and nails in order to provide a shelter. They also find roof shingles and tons of tools, such as shovels and a level. Erica, a non-profit fundraiser, tells us it's never been so easy on Survivor, so she knows they're about to be thrown a "curve ball" at some point. Back at camp, Sylvia is looking over the plans that have been provided. She's an artitect, so she provides direction to the group as they try to build the shelter. Of course, people start to whine immediately about her trying to "dominate". How dare a knowledgable person take charge of a complicated project! She should let us run around all willy-nilly! Sylvia examines each wall post with a level and pronounces one of the posts "slightly askew". This causes Rocky to pause. "Everytime someone uses a big word in a sentence," he says, "we get to take a timeout... What's 'askoot' mean?" "It means not orthogonal," Sylvia explains. Well, that clears that up. Sylvia worries that the crew will not get the shelter built by nightfall, and she's right. The shelter is still without a roof by the time it gets dark. That's a little problem as it starts to rain, forcing everyone to hide under a bamboo mat. Day 2 The castaways finish building their shelter, which now includes a shingled roof, as well as a kitchen and outhouse ("small outdoor bathroom shed", for those of you raised in the city). Quiet little Yau Man actually manages to make tea for everyone. "You're the professor on this Gilligan's Island!" Earl tells him. Later on, Dreamz shares a little bit about his background with us. He says he's used to the living conditions on the island because he used to be homeless. No wonder he doesn't mind admitting he's a cheerleading coach. That's got to be a lot better than being homeless, no matter how much of a sissy it makes you. He tells us he's trying to 'make his presence known' to the other castaways at this point in the game. They become painfully aware of his presence come bedtime. He starts talking loudly about nonsense, and will not shut up, even when someone asks him to 'simmer down'. "Who told me to simmer down?" he yells, "When someone tells me to simmer down, that just adds fuel to my fire." That's a fire that keeps on burning. Later he asks, "How many white people we got here? [Dreamz is black] If you're white, raise your hand." Rocky finally gets tired of it and takes Dreamz outside the shelter to confront him. Dreamz says Rocky is trying to "belittle" him. Rocky goes to sleep outside by himself in disgust. Day 3 As the crew assembles on the beach for their first Immunity Challenge, they finally get to meet Jeff, which I'm sure will be the highlight of their whole Survivor experience. Jeff asks the castaways if they agree that Sylvia stepped up as a leader while they were building the shelter. They do, so he pulls her out and tells her to divide the group into two teams. After that is done, Sylvia is sent to Exile Island, which, Jeff tells her, she'll have to share with "thousands" of sea snakes. Once she is back from exile, she will join whichever team loses the next Immunity Challenge. The good news is that she's immune from getting voted off tonight and she will have an opportunity to look for one of the Immunity Idols amongst all those snakes. Whoopee. The Convoluted Immunity Challenge Each team is to pull a wooden "chariot" containing two of its members across a quarter-mile course, stopping every few yards on the first lap to untie bags of puzzle pieces from a hanging rope. Then they must finish the course and assemble the puzzle, which will spell out a list of numbers. They must then type those numbers into the computer in the hatch every 108 minutes ...sorry, wrong island show. Actually those numbers are the combination to a large wheel, which contains ... oh, for crying out loud. There's a chariot race and a puzzle. If you want more detail, record the darn show. The Moto tribe wins this challenge. Their reward is that they get to stay in their nice shelter that they built. When they return, they will find goblets, silverware, hammocks, a bush shower, and a nice soft couch. The losing tribe Ravu will have to go live on another beach where they will be provided with only one pot and one machete. And, of course, they will vote someone off the island tonight at Tribal Council. It's a lot like this season of Apprentice! The Ravu castaways row to their new, far inferior campsite. They all seem pretty jazzed about the situation, actually. All of them except Erica, that is. She is not jazzed, and can't figure out why everyone else is. Sylvia makes it to Exile Island, and yes, there are snakes everywhere. At least that's how it looks. There is at least one shot where Sylvia sees some snakes herself. I still don't buy it. There's no way they're going to throw someone in the middle of thousands of snakes. But I digress. Sylvia climbs the steps up the wooden tower and finds the clue to the Idol's location. The scroll says it's not on Exile Island, but somewhere back at camp. Enjoy the snakes! As Ravu tries to scheme, plot, and manipulate to figure out whom should be voted off tonight, I realize there are just too many people still around for me to care. Last season, segregating everyone by race was a stupid idea. But splitting the castaways up into four small teams instead of two big ones was not stupid. The personal dynamic is much more fun to watch among smaller groups. Rocky, Erica, and Jessica form a pretty tight alliance and appear to recruit Carl. They decide Rita should go. But there is another movement among the group to eliminate Jessica. Right now, the focus is on determining who is the weakest link. But no one discusses voting off elderly Yau Man. Perhaps it's out of respect for his age, or maybe everyone just assumes the weakest link must be a girl. Tribal Council Jessica, Rita, Mookie, and Yau Man all recieve at least one vote. See what I mean about there being too many people at this point? Jessica receives four votes and is the first person voted off Survivor: Fiji. Next week - Ravu Tribe is weak from lack of water, Earl kills a sea snake, and Boo keeps injuring himself.

Episode Recap: Cook Islands - Week 15 FINALE ... and the Reunion Show

Episode: This Tribe Will Self-Destruct in 5, 4, 3, ... Original Air Date: December 17, 2006 We're down to the final five, and this contest is truly up in the air. Yul is definitely the smartest castaway, but will that be enough to put him in the final two? If he gets to the final two, will he find out that his skillful manipulation of the game has earned him enemies in the Jury? What about Ozzy? The fact that he's half-monkey, half-dolphin makes him the biggest threat, but will he be able to win every single immunity challenge that's left in the game? That's probably what he will have to do in order to make it to the final two. As the episode begins, the realization suddenly dawns on Sundra that the alliance is going to start voting each other off pretty soon. She tells us that they've "never discussed" what they will do once only the four of them are left. Maybe Sundra's never discussed it, but she should bet that Yul and Becky have thought about it well in advance. Becky tells us that even though Ozzy is a part of their alliance, he's too much of a threat to keep around. She thinks they should get rid of him at their earliest opportunity. Unless they find some Kryptonite lying around somewhere, that opportunity may never come. First Convoluted Immunity Challenge - Forget the rewards challenges. We're down to the wire now, and the eliminations are going to come pretty fast. The first challenge involves an incredibly complicated obstacle course made of ropes and a really difficult puzzle. Jeff says it's the most difficult puzzle in the history of Survivor. The castaways are to reach eight different points on the obstacle course and retrieve eight different bags of puzzle pieces. Once they've retrieved the bags, they will assemble a puzzle shaped like an eight-pointed, compass point star. The first to assemble the puzzle wins. Yul gains an early lead and is able to retrieve three bags in the time it takes Ozzy to get his first. But Ozzy is just toying with us. After giving Yul and others this lead, he springs into action, swinging from the ropes with his toes while retrieving the puzzle pieces with his teeth, all while keeping his hands behind his back and his eyes closed. Ozzy is the first to retrieve all of his puzzle pieces and the first to assemble his puzzle. He wins Immunity, again. Back at camp, Adam knows it's his last day on the island. But he wants to stir the pot one more time, just to spite Godfather Yul. He approaches Ozzy and Sundra with the possibility of forcing Yul to use the Immunity Idol at tonight's Tribal Council. If the three of them vote for Yul, while Yul and Becky vote for Adam, Yul will have to use the Idol and Adam will still be voted off, leaving the alliance on the island. This would be a smart move for Ozzy and Sundra, because it increases their chances of making it to the final two. It's an uncharacteristically brilliant plan for Adam. Where was all of this brilliant strategizing earlier when he was complaining to Candice about the game causing his head to hurt because it "makes you think all the time"? First Tribal Council - As the Jury marches out, Nate is limping and using a stick as a crutch. What the heck? The guy spends over three weeks as a castaway, climbing trees for coconuts, diving for octopus, and performing one ridiculous challenge after another, but can't chill out a couple of days at whatever island resort they've housed him at without hurting himself? Hopefully, they'll explain that one on the Reunion show. It's established early on during Jeff's interrogation that Adam is on his way out tonight. Because he has nothing to lose at this point, Adam decides to tell it like it is. He says that Ozzy's job has been to win the challenges for the alliance, and Yul has been controlling the game, but he has no idea what Becky's and Sundra's functions are. He says they've just been along for the ride. He also admits to trying to get Ozzy and Sundra to force the Idol out tonight, but they are "boring people" who don't take risks. Jeff almost gets Becky to admit that the rest of them have been riding Ozzy's coattails so far, but she backtracks quickly. A knowing grin from Nate and others on the Jury reveal that they agree with Jeff on that one. Ozzy may be a favorite among the Jury. The votes are cast and Jeff reads them out. There is only one vote for Yul (this maybe a dumb move on the part of Ozzy and Sundra). Adam is the 16th person voted off of this season's Survivor. Day 38 - Tree Mail reveals to the remaining castaways that they will be competing in their final Immunity Challenge today. This is not what they had planned. Either they will be voting off two members tonight, or the Jury will be choosing from three final castaways instead of two. They do their little march along the torches bearing the names of the former castaways on the island. As each former castaway delivers a brief commentary, we find out that Jonathan lost over 30 pounds in 33 days, and Parvati thought she was actually "running the show" for awhile. Final Immunity Challenge - Each castaway must stand on top of a high perch. A piece of the perch will be taken away every fifteen minutes until the perch is only half the size of a postcard. To make it fair, each perch is constructed in proportion to each castaway's foot size. The last castaway standing wins Immunity. The twist - this time the Jury will choose from three castaways instead of two. Becky falls off early, while the other three castaways manage to stay on their perches until after the final piece is removed. Ozzy teases us by almost falling several times, but is able to recover each time. He tells Jeff the hardest thing for him is the sweat, which is making him itch in "the nether regions". (TMI, Ozzy! TMI!!) Yul is the next to fall when, after squatting on his perch for over an hour, he decides to stand up. Both Ozzy and Sundra stay on their perches for over two and a half hours. Both seem to be on the verge of falling when Sundra finally loses her balances and drops from her perch. Ozzy wins the final Immunity Challenge, in spite of his itchy nether regions. Back at camp, Ozzy and Yul discuss whom to vote off at Tribal Council. Ozzy decides he doesn't want to choose between Becky and Sundra. He thinks that two of them should vote for Becky, and two for Sundra. That way, it can just be left to a tie-breaker. Yul lets Ozzy think he'll go along with that plan, then secretly offers the Idol to Becky. It's a risky move for Yul. Becky worries how it might look to the Jury. Sundra asks Yul, "There won't be any surprises at Council tonight, will there?" Yul shakes his head "no". "Did she ask you for the Idol?" Sundra asks. "No." Poor, sweet, naive Sundra. Second Tribal Council - Nate is still limping, and he's wearing a pink shirt. He doesn't seem like the kind of guy who would go pink. What the heck's been happening since he's joined the Jury? Jeff indirectly asks Yul if he gave away the Immunity Idol. Yul and Becky both deny it. The votes are cast and there is a tie between Becky and Sundra. Jeff asks the girls if either of them have the Idol. Sundra shakes her head. Becky shakes her head. For the tiebreaker, the girls must build a fire that grows tall enough to burn through a rope. They have a machete, coconut husks, pieces of wood, and a piece of flint. 3o minutes go by, and neither girl has been able to get a fire going. The Jury is starting to look bored. An hour goes by, and still no results. Every one is on the verge of falling asleep. Finally, Jeff stops the girls and tells them to switch to matches. Another half hour goes by and still no fires. As Jeff tells them, they've been on the island for 38 days, they should know how to start a fire by now. Sundra starts a promising fire, but it goes out. She then announces that she is out of matches. Becky keeps going and finally starts a fire that grows quickly and burns the rope. Sundra is the 17th person voted off Survivor. Day 30 - Two young native woman row to the island in a canoe loaded with cooked food for the castaways. Yul and Ozzy are there to receive it, but Becky is nowhere in sight. Ozzy thinks it's symbolic of how the vote will play out tonight. He thinks the he and Yul will receive the majority of the votes since they've been the strongest, but Becky will fare poorly, "especially," he says, "after that embarrassing display of fire-making skills last night". Becky tells us she's played "a very social game", and she's proud of it. Final Tribal Council - Nate is still limping. The three remaining castaways give their "please vote for me" speeches. Yul pleads from the standpoint that he's played "every aspect of the game". He no longer denies his leadership role, but says his plan was not to play an "individual" game, but to bring people that he cared about with him. Yes, he's had to deceive some people, but he never deceived anyone that was loyal to him. Becky says she knew she wouldn't be the strongest, fastest, or smartest player, but that she would have to rely on her social skills. Jonathan just shakes his head. Ozzy is the only player who has nothing to explain or apologize for. He wouldn't have to say anything, but he manages to make himself look even better by painting himself as the underdog and reminding everyone how he fed them. Most of the questions from the Jury are along the lines of "why do deserve to win instead of the other two?", or in Becky's case, "why are you even here?" Under pressure, Becky turns on Yul and reveals that he offered her the Idol, but she turned it down since she's such a nice person. Brad asks Ozzy to tell him something about himself, and Ozzy works the Jury by crying as he talks about his absent Father. Jonathan asks Yul if he were running for office, how could he justify all of the deception. Yul responds by stating Survivor is just a game and that he would never do anything like that in real life, even if he is really good at it. Jonathan then accuses Ozzy of acting arrogant and entitled, and asks how giving a million dollars to such a person would make the world a better place. Ozzy totally turns it around by stating that he would take the money and finish college, since he's had to pay for it himself. Candice asks Yul a question, but says if he answers with any words other than a "yes" or "no", that she will not vote for him. Yul answers "yes", but then messes up by responding to a follow-up statement from Candice. The votes are cast. Jeff gathers them. He says the castaways will have to wait until they get home to see who won. Next scene - Jeff walking on to a stage in Hollywood before a studio audience. The stage looks like the Tribal Council set, but everyone is all cleaned up and shiny. Yul is the only one who doesn't look different. Ozzy, on the other hand, has put on some weight and no longer has any facial hair. Jeff slowly reads the votes one by one - Yul...Ozzy...Yul...Yul...Ozzy...Ozzy...Ozzy...Yul. Yul and Ozzy are tied. It comes down to the last vote. Jeff points out that if the last vote is for Becky, it will have to go a tiebreaker. He looks at the parchment - it's not for Becky. The winner of Survivor Cook Islands is Yul. Reunion Show I'll spare you the blow-by-blow. Here's the highlights. Adam reveals that he made a deal with Yul to get Jonathan voted off. If Yul made it happen, Adam would vote for Yul during final Tribal Council. Adam held true to his word and, as Jeff puts it, that was the "million dollar vote". Becky reveals that there was no romance between Yul and her. Jeff tells Yul that he couldn't tell if, during the time he was naked in a hot tub with Parvati and Ozzy, if he was really happy to be there, or if he thought it was his worse nightmare. Yul says he "just wanted to get the [Heck] out of there", but felt he had to stay to keep Parvati from strategizing. Yul says the first thing he did after coming home was to buy so much food at Costco, that it wouldn't all fit in his fridge. He ate the excess right there. Ozzy learned to swim in his family's pool. He learned to spearfish a few years ago when a friend showed him how. He's fantasized about being stranded on a deserted island since he was a kid. After he got back home, he missed the island so much that he fell into a "deep depression". Jeff asks him if he knows whether or not his father has been watching the show. He says he doesn't, but the man he considers his father is in the audience. He starts to cry again. Jeff asks Jonathan if he was a villain. Jonathan responds by saying it's a game, and there's no villains in games. "There's no villain in Monopoly!" Sekou performs a song he wrote about Survivor. (It's ok - don't go out an buy the cd). Stephannie felt betrayed by Nate, feeling he should have 'had her back' since they were both Black. Rebecca also felt betrayed by Nate, not because of the race issue, but because she thought they were close. Brad thought he had done a good job of combating the Asian stereotype of "nerdy" and "bookwormish". This from the guy who relied on his ability to solve puzzles. According to Adam, though there was some romance with Candice on the island, they live separate lives now, so they just going to be "good friends". Nate admitted to having some feelings for Parvati while on the island. Everyone laughs at Parvati as she explains that she's a "model" boxer. JP is now a professional model. Billy, who is wearing the exact same clothes he wore on the island, says his professed love for Candice was just "in the heat of the moment". (That's not what he said in an interview on a local Orlando radio talk show the morning after the episode in which he got voted off aired. He said he realized after watching the show that he had misunderstood Candice, but that he still wanted to go out with her and planned on asking her out after the Reunion show.) An online vote had been held to determine the "cleverest" player. The vote was very close between Ozzy and Yul, with Ozzy winning by less that 1%. As a result, Ozzy will be awarded a 2008 Mercury Mariner. Next Season - "Survivor Fiji". One tribe will live luxuriously while the other will have almost nothing. Exile Island will have two Immunity Idols and deadly sea snakes.

Episode Recap: Cook Islands - Week 14

Episode: I Have the Advantage ...for Once Original Air Date: December 14, 2006 It's Day 34 and Adam and Parvati know the chances of both of them surviving the next Tribal Council are pretty slim, as in Nicole Richie slim. Despite having turned on Jonathan the night before, the other four castaways are still in their alliance and seem very tight. Adam and Parvati talk things over and conclude they must come up with a plan soon - and win the next Rewards Challenge so they can decide whom is sent to Exile Island. Rewards Challenge - The rewards challenge this week is simple. The castaways are to roll around in a pool of mud until they're completely covered (Yes, I realize that's entertaining enough, but there's more). Once covered, they are to each run back to a bucket and try to fill that bucket with mud from their body. The only restriction here is that they can not carry mud back to the bucket in their hands. Once the time is up, the three castaways with the most mud in his or her bucket will get to spend the night at a spa where they will be able to eat, get liquored up, and wash their clothes (hopefully not in that order). The castaway who finishes this challenge in first place gets to decide who gets exiled. The important thing is that there are plenty of beef- and cheesecake shots of healthy young people rolling around in mud and then slowly moving their hands down their tone bodies to wipe it off. Thank goodness they waited until Jonathan was gone before they rolled out this challenge. We can all be grateful for that. I really didn't need to go to sleep tonight with that image in my head. Anyway, in a shocking turn of events, Ozzy wins this challenge (try not to be too amazed), easily gathering twice as much mud as everyone else by carrying it in his wild, tangled, Little Orphan Annie hair. Parvati and Yul take second and third place, respectively. Ozzy sends Adam to Exile Island. Rain starts coming down in buckets as Becky and Sundra return to camp. Other people might use the rain to wash the caked mud off of their filthy bodies. But the girls decide they'd rather sit in their little shelter and eat. They can resemble human beings again later. Becky is convinced after watching Ozzy in this last challenge that it might not be smart to keep Monkey Boy around through the final four. She thinks he might need to be eliminated at the next Tribal Council. Of course, he'd actually have to lose an Immunity Challenge, which might not happen if he continues to use his super powers. It might help if someone hit him in the legs with a big crow bar. Where's Tonya Harding when you need her? Meanwhile, Ozzy, Yul, and Parvati are on their way to the spa via a small private plane. They weren't allowed to wash off before boarding the plane, so they have to ride the entire way covered in mud. One has to feel sorry for whoever has to clean the plane after this. They arrive at the spa, take long hot showers, get massages, eat a hardy meal, drink some booze, are entertained by Hula dancers, and skinny dip in a hot tub. (What is it about alcohol that makes people want to take off their clothes?) Parvati spends the entire time at the spa flirting with Ozzy. She believes he might be her only hope to crack the alliance. This concerns Yul because Ozzy seems to be cracking. Or maybe he just seems to be on Crack. Exile Island - Between all the repeat visits there by Jonathan, Parvati, and Candice, that little island probably hasn't seen this many white people since James Cook's little voyage. Adam does his impersonation of a Klingon by cracking open the shells of little things he finds crawling around the island, then eating their innards without bothering to cook them first. "Who needs a fire when you can eat stuff raw?" he asks. Just like the last time Adam was exiled, a monsoon comes, causing him to shiver bare-chested while curled up in the fetal position under a couple of branches he's managed to lean up against the fake ship. When will these people learn to wear a shirt? Yul, Parvati, and Adam return from the spa to a chilly reception from Becky and Sundra. Before long, Becky pulls Yul to the side to tell him that it's time for Ozzy to go. Yul agrees that Ozzy is a threat, and not just because his jungle upbringing enables him to win every challenge. Yul thinks that several members of the Jury see Ozzy as someone who is just trying to play a "straight-up" game instead of spending his time scheming and plotting. They bring Sundra into the discussion, and she's of the same mind at the moment. The three decide to wait and see what happens at the next Immunity Challenge. Immunity Challenge - The castaways must each carry four bundles of puzzle pieces across a balance beam, then assemble the pieces to construct a maze. By tilting the maze, they are to roll two canon balls into two side holes in the maze. The first one who finishes this task will receive Immunity. Ozzy grabs one of the bundles and leaps bare-footed onto the balance beams. While the others struggle to keep their balance, Ozzy uses his long chimpanzee toes and gains an early lead. He is the first to get his bundles across and starts to assemble his puzzle. Adam and Sundra, on the other hand, can't balance themselves to save their lives. Neither of them manage to get any bundles across during the entire challenge. Yul and Parvati do manage to get their bundles across and start assembling their puzzles. For a while, it looks like it might be close between Yul and Ozzy. But Yul discovers he's assembled his puzzle incorrectly just as Ozzy finishes his. Ozzy finishes well ahead of everyone else and wins Immunity. This is getting monotonous. Politics begin as soon as the tribe gets back to camp. Adam approaches Godfather Yul to beg for mercy at tonight's Tribal Council. Yul assures him that Parvati will be voted off instead. Later, Parvati approaches Yul to beg for mercy. Yul assures her that Adam will be voted off instead. Knowing better than to take Yul at his word, Parvati and Adam try to turn Ozzy. Yul figures out what their trying to do and confronts Adam. Adam fears the Godfather, so this makes him nervous. Tribal Council - Yul brings Jonathan his hat, and Jeff makes a big deal out of it. Is Yul doing this to get Jonathan's vote during the final Tribal Council, he asks. Lots of time is wasted speculating on this, until Yul finally admits that is one of the reasons he returned the stupid hat. Other inane questions are asked. At one point, Parvati says that Yul has played the game "seamlessly". The votes are cast and counted. Parvati is the 15th person voted off this season's Survivor. Next Week - The season finale. This Sunday - The live reunion show.

Episode Recap: Cook Islands - Week 13

Episode: Arranging a Hit Original Air Date: December 7, 2006 It's Day 31 and Parvati is still incensed at Jonathan. She would like to take his head off, so she decides to practice on some coconuts with a machete. Unfortunately, she misses the coconut at one point and splits her thumb open instead. The Survivor medical team are called on to the scene and deliver the bad news - though she will only need a stitch to keep the thumb together, they'll have to amputate the nail. "No!" she screams, "not the nail! Oh God, why me?! If I can't keep the nail, just let me die!" ...Ok, maybe that's not exactly what she said. The medics remove her nail and and stitch her up right there on the beach. Parvati isn't getting off the island that easy. Half a thumb or not, she's just going to have get voted off like everyone else. She's actually very brave through the whole thing, but, alas, no lollipop. Convoluted Rewards Challenge - The castaways each receive a surprise this week in the form of a visit from a family member. The family members are paraded out soon after the castaways arrive at the challenge site. Yes, shockingly, there are people who are actually willing to admit to being related to these losers. Jeff tells the castaways that their loved ones will even get to compete with them during the challenge. In the challenge, each castaway is blindfolded and must use a bucket to gather water from the ocean. Then they are to toss the water to their loved ones, who will try to catch the water in his or her own bucket, then dump it into a bigger bucket. Once there is enough water in the big bucket, a flag will raise. The first castaway whose flag is raised will get to spend time with their loved one on another island while partaking in a "spectacular picnic" of fried chicken, meatloaf, and apple pie. ("Spectacular" is a relative term when you've been living off of stewed octopus for 30 days.) Tossing water from a bucket while blindfolded to someone else to catch with another bucket is as hard as it sounds. While Ozzy and his mom get off to a good start, Becky ends up throwing more water on her poor sister than into the bucket. Jonathan and The Little Woman gain an early lead, thanks to his wife getting the bright idea of wringing out her blouse, then her hair, into the bucket. But in the end it is Thumb Girl and her dad who win the challenge, just barely edging out Jonathan and Mrs. Rat. As a reward, Parvati gets to choose which of the other castaways will be sent to Exile Island. Hmm... who will it be? Is there anyone Parvati has the slightest bit of hard feelings towards, anyone at all? Lo and behold, she chooses Jonathan, of all people. Who would've guessed? He's shipped off to Exile Island. But first he stops to stick his tongue down his wife's throat. He must have not wanted to be outdone by Adam's makeout goodbye with Candice. As another part of the reward, Parvati's dad gets to choose two other castaways and their loved ones to join him and Parvati on the "Spectacular Picnic" - the Picnic Extravaganza, the Picnic to End All Picnics. (It sounds like a commercial for a car dealership) But Parvati and the other castaways are not allowed to coach him at all as he chooses whom to bring. Still, he picks out Adam and Adam's dad, as well as Sundra and Sundra's mom. Mitiaro Island - the site of the the Ultimate Picnic Extreme! The three castaways and their loved ones are greeted by a large group of local villagers who take them to a "sacred cave", where they take part in an annual ceremony which involves sprinkling some anointing oil in the cave's pool of fresh water, then jumping into the pool. After the castaways and their folks jump in, all of the villagers join them. This is what people do when they have no Playstation. After the dip in the cave, the castaways are finally brought to the Greatest Picnic of All Time, where they are treated to exotic South Pacific delicacies such as fried chicken, corn-on-the-cob, and biscuits. There must be a KFC on the island somewhere. Day 32 - Ozzy, who has whined about being the sole Provider of Nourishment since the beginning of the show, is concerned that he's helping Parvati and Adam win challenges by providing them with food. (For the Love of God, let it go, Ozzy!) He convinces Yul and Becky that they should actually hide the food they gather. They start off by tossing their coconuts into the woods before the others get back from the Incredible Picnic Experience (now it sounds like a theme park ride). They are put to shame, however, when the others do return and start sharing a ton of food they brought back from the picnic. Parvati and Adam then try to take advantage of this time without Jonathan to convince everyone else how nice it would be without him. The Convoluted Immunity Challenge - Jonathan returns from Exile Island, smiles broadly, and greets everyone with an enthusiastic "Hi, Guys!" An Arctic breeze blows by as he gets one chilly response from everyone else, including the other members of his own alliance. I'm not sure, but I think it starts to snow on the Island. The challenge is once again so ridiculously complicated that I lack the will to describe it in detail. But it basically involves a floating obstacle course, tying a bunch of sticks together to make a pole, and trying to reach some rings. Ozzy, or as he's known back home, Lord of the Apes, runs across the top of the water, leaps over the entire obstacle course with a single bound, and wills himself back on the beach before everyone else gets a chance to start. He takes his time on the beach while he assembles his pole, but this is just to tease everyone else into thinking they have a chance. Yul actually seems to almost catch up, but it's for naught. Ozzy assembles his pole and retrieves the rings, winning yet another incredibly stupid challenge. The weather back at camp continues to descend to sub-zero temperatures as everyone seems to be giving Jonathan the silent treatment. Jonathan knows something is up, but no one is telling him anything. He corners Yul, who tells him he will do everything he can to keep him in the game. Later, we see Yul tell Ozzy that he doesn't want either Jonathan or Adam in the final five. Adam tries to convince Yul to have the alliance vote Jonathan off tonight. Yul says he feels like The Godfather, trying to put a hit out on somebody. Tribal Council - The five former castaways who make up the Jury so far file in. Let me tell you, Candice cleans up nice! But I digress. Jeff asks his usual sort of questions that reveal he's been watching the tapes. Adam says that Jonathan has no integrity. Jonathan responds by taking credit for saving several of the remaining castaways from elimination. The votes are cast and counted. One vote after another reads Jonathan's name, except for one that reads "Johnny Blue Eyes" (evidently an example of Ozzy's sharp wit). Jonathan is the fourteenth person voted off of this season's Survivor. Candice mouths the words, "Good job" to Adam. If Billy were still around, he would've thought that Candice was talking to him and mouthing the words, "I want to be the mother of your children." Next week - Adam and Parvati have a plan. Becky and Yul consider turning on Ozzy.

Episode Recap: Cook Islands - Week 12

Episode: You're a Rat Original Air Date: November 30, 2006 If there is such a thing as overplaying this game, Jonathan seems to have done it. It's just after Tribal Council, where half the tribe discovered that Jonathan had betrayed them and flipped sides yet again. Parvati is not a happy camper. "I'm literally sick," she says, "I just want to take Jonathan's face and puke all over it." In the midst of the argument, Jonathan blurts out that Yul has the Immunity Idol, so he had to switch sides. "I hope you're happy with second place," Parvati says, "because you've played yourself out tonight." She may be right. It would be hard to imagine Jonathan going any farther than second, which is most likely why Yul wanted so badly for him to re-join the former Aitu alliance. Day 29 - The castaways are gathered for a "Survivor Auction". Each castaway is given $500 to bid on a number of items, some covered, so that no one knows what they are. The castaways are allowed to borrow money, but they can not share food. Jonathan makes out with a hot dog with french fries and a beer, an entire pepperoni pizza, and finally some gear to brush his teeth with. Apparently he figures he can't win anyway, so he has nothing to lose by making even his own alliance hate him. The only other castaway to come away with decent food is Ozzy, who gets a never-ending ice cream machine (he gets to eat all the ice cream he can while the auction is taking place). Parvati bids almost all of her money for a bubble bath, having outbid Jonathan, whom Jeff calls "the one guy that nobody here wants to see take a bath". Sundra bids for and wins a covered item, which turns out to be the only gag item - a sea cucumber in a jar. There is one item that Jeff will only describe as "something that will give the person who wins it power in this game". Becky bids all of her money, plus some of Yul's and wins the item. It is a note that tells Becky to choose one person to send to Exile Island and take all of their money. Yul points out that Adam and Candice each have $500 left, so Becky exiles Candice. Poor Candice! She's been to that little island three times already. The last time made her cry. Sending her again just seems cruel. Jeff brings up the Immunity Idol. Yul decides now is the time to let the cat out of the bag and tell everyone he has it. I always enjoy the nature shots that play as the show comes back from commercial break. Underwater, an interesting-looking creature (a giant eel, maybe?) pokes his head out of his rock and opens his mouth. Behold, the beauty that is Nature in all her glory. Wait, the creature looks like he's gagging or something. Suddenly, he coughs up a whole other animal, unidentifiable due to it being half-digested. Nice. I look forward to going to bed with that image in my head. Maybe Jonathan is just tired of being in the game. He seems to be going out of his way to make everyone hate him today. Back at camp, he decides to gloat about all the food he got to eat. "I never would've eaten all that food in the real world." Just to make his point, he stands up and burps for all to hear and smell. Becky starts waving her hand, "Whoa, I could definitely smell the pepperoni in that." The rest of his alliance huddle to talk about how obnoxious he's being. "I definitely wouldn't want to see him in the final four," Sundra tells everyone. Others in the alliance seem to agree. Meanwhile, poor Candice is on Exile Island for the fourth time, crying a river. "It's really hard being sent out here again," she says, "I really miss Adam. I just need a hug." I don't even like her that much, but I almost want to give her a hug. The Convoluted Immunity Challenge - I absolutely draw the line with this challenge. It is way to convoluted to describe in detail. I will say it involves remembering things like "How many poles were used in that one Rewards Challenge three weeks ago", a lame obstacle course, and lots of Math. And as if it weren't convoluted enough, it takes place in two rounds. Adam, of all people, ends up winning this one. Since Math was involved, I would have considered Mr. "This game makes you think too much" at a severe disadvantage. But he wins it easily. That afternoon, Parvati, Adam, and Candice plead their case to Yul for voting off Jonathan, even though he's a part of Yul's alliance. It's gotten to the point that three of them don't care about winning as much as staying on the island longer than Jonathan. They hate him that much. They tell Yul that, since he (Yul) is the "ringleader", if he doesn't get rid of Jonathan tonight, it will not bode well for him when it comes time for the Jury to vote. Lo and behold, Mr. Popularity himself walks into camp at that moment and grabs a coconut that Adam had been eating, and proceeds to eat it himself. Parvati yells at him for it, and he responds by trying to give the coconut back, stating that he had just picked it up to "share" it. Evidently wanting to push the other castaways to the point of murdering him, Jonathan later convinces the rest of his alliance not to share the fish that he had just caught with the other three castaways. Yul is always thinking. He takes Becky to the side and tells her that he needs to insulate himself from the Jury. Their alliance currently has five people, compared to the three others left on the island. If they vote Jonathan off tonight, he reasons, the alliance will still have four people, which will be enough to eliminate the other three castaways later, and he'll suffer no retribution from the Jury. Tribal Council - Everybody hates Jonathan. Parvati, Adam, and Candice slam him hard during the Council meeting and no one from his alliance speaks in his defense. It looks bad for him. Everyone votes. Not Jonathan, but Candice is the 13th person voted off this season. Adam tells her goodbye by making out with her in front of everyone. "The kiss was nice," Jeff says, "but maybe if there were more love, he would have given you the Immunity necklace." Next week - Parvati accidently cuts herself with a machete, Yul feels like "the Godfather, putting a hit out on somebody."