Episode Recap: Cook Islands, Week 1

Episode: I Can Forgive Her But I Don't Have to Because She Screwed With My Chickens Original Air Date: September 14, 2006 Do you find yourself longing wistfully for the days before Desegregation? Does the term "separate but equal" sound like a pretty good idea to you? Do you ever wonder why people can't just go be with their own kind? Nah, me either. Yet, in an apparent effort to turn back the clock on American race relations 40 years, Mark Burnett and the other powers that be at Survivor have chosen to divide this season's batch of contestants into tribes based on their ethnicity - Black ("Hiki"), Latino ("Aitu"), Asian ("Puka"), and White ("Raro"). CBS calls this a "social experiment". Social experiment my grandmother's bunyons. This decision was made in order to create controversy, which in turn creates "buzz". And "buzz", good or bad, will almost always translate to higher initial ratings for any program. But really, the segregation isn't the worst aspect of this season's Survivor. What bothers me is this - if you're White, who the Heck are you supposed to root for? If you root for the Home Team, you appear to be racist. If you root for one of the other tribes, you appear to be either trying too hard not to appear racist, or you seem like a reverse-racist (whatever that is). Fortunately, I've decided to avoid this conundrum altogether by hating all of these losers equally right off the bat. My disdain is based on a prejudice that is rooted deep inside me - not for any particular race, but for Survivor contestants in general. I would make an exception for the contestants in Season 1 because they didn't really know what they were getting into. But anyone who had seen Season 1 would know that signing up for this show means signing one's dignity away for the off chance of maybe winning a million dollars. They know they will be giving up their dignity because there's something about being half-naked, sun-burnt, hungry, and stinky that causes people to be somewhat less than polite. By "somewhat less than polite" I mean what is supposed to be a friendly contest eventually descends into Lord of the Flies. And by "eventually" I mean by the end of the first episode. Then there's the added charm of showing the worst side of yourself to millions of people each week. So how can I be expected to care about anyone who chooses to do this? But on to the episode. It starts out with all 20 "castaways" frantically scurrying about an old wooden ship trying to grab what supplies they can and throwing them overboard on small wooden rafts. Jeff Probst tells us the castaways have two minutes to scavenge what they can before they have to jump off the boat and row to shore. Among the supplies - chickens. That's right, live chickens. Here's another thing - apparently chickens can float. I did not know that. But we find that out as one of the castaways throws one of the poor birds overboard. It misses the raft and lands in the water, bobbing easily on the surface. Thirty seconds into the first episode and I've already learned something. As the hapless castaway jumps into the water after his chicken, Jeff yells out, "That's right! Get that chicken! You're gonna need that for food!" That Jeff, always being helpful. As the teams row to shore, Billy (Heavy Metal Musician) from the Latino tribe has the best line. "I don't know about you," he says to the rest of his tribe, "but I feel like this is *** backwards, like, our parents got on a raft... and paddled away from an island, and here I am paddling back to an island." Billy later goes on to say how he thinks the Hispanics have an advantage since they're from tropical climates. Judging from his Heavy Metal clothing ensemble, including long black pants, his parents never taught him how to dress for a tropical climate. Once his team arrives on the island, Billy takes charge and announces he knows how to build a hut and that he'll 'just explain it to everybody so that we're all on the same page'. His position as Resident Carpentry Expert is short-lived, however, as it soon becomes clear that cutting bamboo is too much of a challenge for him. Ozzy steps in and finishes the building work. Meanwhile, as the Asian tribe rows to shore, their oldest member, Cao Boi (pronounced "cowboy"), remarks, "I can't believe a bunch of Asians who are so little weigh so much. All that rice." "No more Asian jokes," another tribe member responds. "Don't make stereotype," yet another chimes in. "We made it!" Cao Boi proclaims after reaching land, "My second time as a boat person." Cao Boi, a long-haired refugee from the Vietnam war, will probably be the first voted off of his tribe. He's already getting on everyone else's nerves. He even says himself that he's concerned about being on an all Asian team. According to him, he's never been accepted by the Asian community. "I just don't fit the stereotype," he says. Of course then we find out he's a nail salon manager. OK, Mr. Outsider. You rebel, you. Cut to the black tribe. One thing all of these team members agree on is the importance of "representing". Rebecca (make-up artist) puts it this way, "Because we're divided by race, now we have to step up to the plate and show that, yes, Black People swim. Yes, Black People know how to get on a boat and paddle. I mean, we don't just run track." Proving that Black people can paddle a boat. Martin Luther King would be so proud. Sundra (actress) thinks her team may be at a disadvantage, "It has nothing to do with race... we're a bunch of city-slickers." Nate (retail sales) sees another problem. "Black people don't like to be told what to do." But Sekou (I think he made up that name for Survivor), a jazz magician, proudly states for the camera his ability as a "warrior and leader" to bring the group together. Yes, maybe there's hope after all, and it's name is Sekou. Lastly, my peeps, Team Whitebread. Speaking to the camera, Adam (copier sales), makes the first official "I Am Not a Racist" speech of the contest. He comments on how it doesn't matter to him what ethnicity his team mates are, but what matters is what kind of people they are. In other words, "I'm not a racist". Most White people have made this speech at some point in their lives. I don't know who we're trying to convince. It's not like someone has to accuse us of being a racist in order for us to give this speech. Usually, it just comes out of nowhere, as if to say, "In case anyone was wondering... I'm not a racist." What strikes me, though, is how two of the girls on this tribe are dressed. Jessica, the tatooed roller girl, is wearing blue stockings, while Candice comes dressed in a blue button-down blouse and long pants. Have you seen the show before, ladies? Jessica, who says her friends call her "Flicka" (no, she hasn't seen the movie) gets off to a good start by accidentally releasing the tribe's chickens. They quickly dash off to the jungle to heed the Call of the Wild and fulfill their destiny as Jungle Chickens. Jessica, however, doesn't seemed destined to last long in this contest. Jonathan (writer) is not happy. "I could forgive her [Jessica]," he says, "but I don't have to. She screwed with my chickens." I think we have an episode title. Back to the Black team. They've discovered their water barrel. Score one for the city kids. Unfortunately, the water is not clean and needs to be boiled. They need fire. In order to solve this problem, "Warrior Leader" Sekou gathers everyone around while he rubs a little piece of wood against a bamboo pole. "OK, everyone," he instructs, "focus your energy." Apparently, the energy was a little unfocused as all Sekou succeeds in doing is to carve a groove into the bamboo pole. "I need a break," he declares, then promptly collapses on to the raft. His team mates, especially Stephannie (nursing student), are unimpressed. I don't see the old warrior lasting too long. It's the second night, and everyone on the White tribe is cold. In order to conserve body heat, they decide to form a "cuddle puddle" as one of the girls puts it, and line up on the ground for a five-way spoonfest. I would've chosen a different approach, for instance, oh I don't know, putting some clothes on. All of the guys are bare-chested at this point and the girls aren't much more covered. I know I saw these people wearing shirts earlier. In addition, it's obvious that Candice and Adam are really enjoying the cuddling. Later, during the daytime, Brad (Fashion designer) on the Asian tribe has a bad headache. Cao Boi offers his official diagnosis, "You got a bad wind." I don't know, but that sounds to me like someone farted in Brad's face or something. Cao Boi proceeds to treat Brad by squeezing the bejeezus out of his forehead, leaving a nasty red mark. "He did that to your face?" one of the girls ask. Facial disfigurement notwithstanding, Brad's headache is cured and he's happy. Finally we get to the first challenge. Each tribe has to race to a "puzzle boat", put it together, paddle out a certain distance, light a torch, paddle back, use the pieces of the boat to build a replica of the Empire State Building, or some other crap. I don't know. Jeff loses me about half-way through the explanation. All I know, is that there's puzzles involved in at least two parts of the challenge. As it turns out, the Asian team is really good at solving puzzles. But the Latino team is really good at paddling a small boat in the ocean. Must resist urge to make obvious jokes about stereotypes. Both teams are neck-and-neck for the lead until the Asian team pulls ahead at the end by solving the second puzzle and climbing the tower first. The White and Black teams were not so impressive. The White team was third to put their boat together and managed to paddle out to light their torch and be almost all the way back before the Black team even had their boat together. Unfortunately, they were slowed down by their boat coming apart while they were in the water, as well as their apparent inability to paddle. Great, thanks to these guys, now White people have to prove we can paddle a boat. Eventually, the White tribe manages to come in third, leaving the Black tribe in last place. This is unfortunate for the Black tribe as they now will have to vote one of their own off at Tribal Council. However, they do get to choose someone from any of the other teams to spend two days on "Exile Island". "Exile Island" is evidently even more sparse than where they are now. However, there is Immunity to be found there if the exiled castaway can find it. Can this show possibly get more convoluted? "Chicken Man" Jonathon (who had stolen a chicken from the Asian team before coming to the island) is chosen for exile. Jeff notes that the two men on the Black tribe took it upon themselves to make this decision without consulting the women. Fascinating. Once on the island, Jonathon expresses how "shocked" he was to be chosen. He seems to make a half-hearted effort at solving the clue provided him for finding the immunity and then talks about how cold he is and how he misses his wife. I wonder how his wife feels about the "cuddle puddle". Meanwhile, the Black tribal member discuss who should be voted off. They're divided down gender lines. The women seem to want to vote Sekou off (big surprise), while the men are just afraid of the women. Simple math, 3 against 2. They would've been smarter to try to drive a wedge between the women early on. Stephannie had already remarked how the other two women were already much closer to each other than she would be to either one of them. The guys talk about how the women would not be able to get along without them. "They can't build a fire. They can't even build a hut," Sekou says. What he seems to forget is neither can he. Regardless, the guys decide to attempt to convince Stephannie to ally herself with them. Sekou points out that because of how close the other two women are, once the two men are voted off Stephannie will be next. He also talks about he's the one who can 'bring the fire'. "But we don't have any fire yet," Stephannie replies. She later remarks to the camera that the two men are also close, so either way she's in the same boat. I may be wrong, but I think Sekou's efforts are too little too late. The tribe gathers at the Tribal Council, which takes place in the middle of the SS.ObviouslyFakeShipwreckedShipSet. Jeff asks his typically insightful questions ("Nate, what's the feeling of this tribe?). The tribe votes. As the votes are read, it quickly becomes obvious that the vote is between Sundra and Sekou. It also becomes obvious that no one on the tribe can spell "Sekou". Finally, Jeff reads the last vote. It's for Sekou. Next week - The Asian tribe gets tired of Cou Boi's Asian jokes and the Latinos take "drastic measures" in response to Billy's slacking.