Episode Recap: Survivor Fiji, Week 3

Episode: This Isn't Survival, It's Thrival Original Air Date: February 22, 2007 Why do they have to load so many good shows on the Thursday schedule? Are the TV gods conspiring against me? Survivor, Smallville, and The Office are all on at the same time. My DVR can only record two shows at once! Come on, spread it out a little! And apparently two nights are just not enough to air American Idol. No, Fox had to get greedy and show it on Thursday this week as well. Or maybe it's because they have absolutely nothing else worth showing and they need Idol to fill all of the holes in their schedule. Curse you, Fox network! Curse you! Day 5 Moto is living high on the proverbial hog and loving every minute of it. This morning a couple of the women have decided to paint the floor of their shelter. The show has actually provided them with can of paint and brushes. The castaways on Gilligan's Island didn't have it this good. "This is too easy," one of the Moto tribe members tells another as he finishes his cooked meal which he just ate on china with silverware. Boo tells us, "This isn't survival, it's thrival." Meanwhile, the emaciated members of Ravu are laying on the ground counting their ribs, since they're too week to do anything else. Suddenly, Earl returns from Exile Island. Somehow the other members muster up the energy to crawl to the beach to ask him if he brought any water. Earl tells us it was like "landing on a beach full of begging children". Later, Michelle tries to use her eyeglasses to start a fire. She succeeds in getting some embers burning and the rest of the tribe help her grow it into a full-blown fire. Rocky tells us, "I'd be scared to be the other team right now. We're so fired up it's rediculous." Then he promptly falls over from dehydration. Convoluted Rewards Challenge Jeff seems surprised to find out that Ravu has done "what few tribes on Survivor have ever done" - that is made fire all by them little selves. Since they now have fire, they no longer need to earn it, so Jeff tosses them the flint. The tribes will be playing for their choice of three rewards - their luxury items, exact duplicates of all the fishing gear Moto won during the last challenge, or a bowl of fruit. The challenge involves each tribe sending one member at a time to slide across what amounts to a giant Slip 'N Slide™, snag a numbered ball off of a hanging rope, and toss the ball into a basket. Whichever castaway gets the ball into the basket before the other castaway from the opposing tribe, wins a point for his or her tribe. The truly unfortunate thing about this challenge is that elderly Yau Man feels it necessary to take his shirt off. The only thing worse than a scrawny, half-naked, sagging old man, is a starving, scrawny, half-naked, sagging old man. That is not a sight you want to see shortly before going to bed. Another unfortunate thing about this challenge is that it is not enough for Moto simply to win. No, they have to spank Ravu hard. The final score was six to two. The tribes didn't even get a chance to send out all of their members. Moto sends Sylvia to Exile (this time she will not be immune from elimination), and chooses the fishing gear as their reward, because, hey, you can never have too much fishing gear. Exile Island The snakes! The snakes! This place is supposed to be overrun by these critters, but every time they cut to a scene with a snake, it looks like the same one. I think they show the same stupid snake five time during this episode alone. Maybe they only had two snakes and Earl killed one of them during the last episode. The new clue tells Sylvia pretty much the exact location of the Immunity Idol. It's supposed to be buried deep under the threshold of the cave mouth back at camp. Sylvia better find it fast once she gets back. She's not exactly Miss Popular back at camp, and her dismal performance during today's challenge probably didn't help her chances much, either. Moto Camp Gary "Papa Smurf" isn't doing very well. He's having trouble breathing and he's experiencing sharp chest pains. The Survivor medics come and give him what is supposed to resemble an examination. Gary tells them he feels like there's a knife in his chest and he's so disoriented he's not sure he can remember his name. The medics tell him it's nothing serious, and to take some analgesics and get some rest. The guy is disoriented, can't breathe, and is having severe chest pains, so they tell him to take two pills and call them in the morning. Where do these medics work, an HMO? Convoluted Immunity Challenge Gary still isn't feeling the best, but shows up for the challenge anyway. Other tribal members wonder if maybe he should just quit. This challenge involves rounds of individual tribal members going head to head with members from the opposing tribe in an eating competition. The castaways must scarf down giant clams, a squid tentacle, peanut worms, fish eyes, and pig snouts that still have hair attached. One would think Ravu would have this challenge in the bag, since they are all on the brink of starvation. But, no, Moto has to win this one as well. Even Gary participates, easily finishing his hairy pig snouts ahead of Anthony. Ravu will once again be voting someone off tonight. Tribal Council and the Pre-Scheming Before Tribal Council, Rocky had been campaigning to have Sylvia voted off. Actually, he had been instructing everyone to vote her off. He seems to fancy himself the Illustrious Leader of an imaginary alliance. Mookie, on the other hand, is determined to vote off Anthony, since Anthony didn't seem to be trying hard enough during the last challenge. Sylvia tries to dig nonchalantly at the cave's mouth. Everyone is just a few feet away, so she doesn't want them to know she's looking for the Idol. The amazing thing is, no one seems to catch on. The tribe gathers for Tribal Council and cast their votes. Before he counts the votes, Jeff asks if anyone would like to play the Idol. Sylvia doesn't have it. Jeff reads off the votes. It's pretty close - Sylvia 4, Anthony 3, and Earl(?) 1. I think this is the first time in a long time Jeff has had to read every vote. Sylvia is the third person voted off of Survivor: Fiji. Next week - Gary is still sick. Liliana flirts. Rocky makes Anthony cry.

Episode Recap: Survivor Fiji, Week 2

Episode: Snakes Are Misunderstood ...We Have An Understanding Now Original Air Date: February 15, 2007 Not to be mean, but has anyone else noticed the serious lack of eye candy in this season's Survivor, especially compared to last season? Cook Islands was swimming in both beef- and cheesecake, what with all those fit young people running around. It was like Survivor 90210. This time around, it looks like they filled the island with dumpy people just to balance it off with last season. Day 4 The Ravu Tribe is doing its best to survive in Survivor Ghetto. Not only do they lack the "luxuries" of the Moto tribe living uptown, but they don't even have water (actually, they don't have fire to boil the bad water that's available to them). On Day 4 they've taken to licking leaves. Earl says they're getting so dehydrated that they're "delirious". I'm telling you, it's only a matter of time before they start eating each other. Imagine that converstation at Tribal Council: Jeff: "Uh, I can't help but notice you're missing a member of your tribe." Castaway #1: "Yeah, we've already held our own 'Tribal Council' and uh, 'voted off' Earl." Castaway #2: "Yeah, and he was delicious!" Jeff: "Tell me about that... how does that change the dynamic of your tribe?" Over on Easy Street, Moto is living the high life. They've got plenty of food, silverware, hammocks, a big couch, and pillows. Everyone has big smiles on their faces. Maybe they're getting a little too comfortable. Lisi gloats, "This game is so vicious, it's delicious." Summing up everyone's feelings on the matter, Boo lets out a very contented fart. Back at Ravu, everyone is desperately trying to rub sticks together to make fire. But they all quickly become exhausted due to dehydration. Yau Man later starts chopping open coconuts to gather coconut milk. Unfortunately, this job is taking a lot more time and energy than it should because Ravu's machete is dull. What? The producers have only provided these people a machete and a pot, and they can't even give them a sharp machete? Everyone eventually pitches in and several coconuts are opened, but at a very slow pace. The castaways are so weak that no one can chop more than a few cocounuts before they have to take a nap. Over at Moto, Boo doesn't need deprivation or hardship to cause himself harm. First he jabs his eye pretty badly on the tribal sign, causing it to swell most of the way shut. His tribemates provide some first aid in the form of rinsing the eye with water, but it remains swollen. Then just a few minutes later he's chopping wood with an ax, much to the concern of his frightened tribemates, when suddenly he gashes his finger and his knee at the same time. More medical attention is provided. Now he has a swollen eye, a wrapped up hand, and a bloody knee. He decides to lay down in the hammock, but the hammock breaks loose and he falls head first to the floor. Since it was his head that took the brunt of the impact, nothing vital was affected. The scary thing is that this guy is a construction worker. One has to wonder how many times he's had to file for Worker's Comp. Day 5 Sylvia returns from Exile Island and begins her first day with Ravu. She is shocked to find out the tribe has no fire and no water. She actually had fire on Exile, since they provided her with flint there. After seeing how bad things are at Camp Ravu, she probably starts missing the snakes. Yau Man runs to hug Sylvia as she lands on the beach. But it's not because he missed her. The old man wants to know if she found the Immunity Idol. So as he's hugging her, he slyly looks over her shoulder into her bag. He tells us he was ready to "feel her up" to find the idol. Sylvia soon begins to feel like she's an outsider with Ravu. She thinks it's because she missed the first day Ravu was together in their new camp. Of course, it doesn't help that the first thing she does when she arrives from Exile is to start bossing everyone around. After watching thirteen seasons of this show, you'd think that a highly intelligent person like Sylvia would realize that the one thing that will always get a castaway voted off is if he or she starts bossing people around. The boys in the tribe have a pow wow and agree that if they have to vote someone off, it will have to be Sylvia. Dreamz of the Moto Tribe tells us about his experiences being homeless. He was first homeless at seven or eight, because his mother was on drugs. He and his family had to eat out of dumpsters. Dreamz thinks that being on Survivor is actually easier than being homeless. He wants to win Survivor so he can help his family. Moto is still searching the island for food. They hack their way through the forest, they climb the highest hills on the island, they go where no man has gone before. They find nothing. Then Erica happens to be messing around a few feet away from camp and stumbles upon hundreds of pineapples. Earl is so happy, that he proclaims that he and Erica are getting married. Day 6 Convoluted Immunity Challenge Today the tribes are playing for both immunity and rewards in the form of fishing gear. Ravu will also be playing for flint, since they have no fire. The challenge involves each tribe rowing its catamaran out into the ocean to retrieve crates containing puzzle pieces which they must put together to build a flag pole. The first tribe to assemble their flag pole and raise it wins. The emaciated members of Ravu get off to a great start gaining an early lead on Moto by rowing past them and keeping that lead when they pull their crates to the beach well ahead of the other tribe. Ironically, it's the mental portion of the challenge, assembling the puzzle, that slows them down. Erica panics and starts screaming at her teammates. Moto is the first to build their flag pole and wins the challenge. Not only will Ravu be going back to camp without fire, they'll also be voting someone off tonight. On top of all that, one of them will be exiled. Moto chooses to exile Earl. "Watch out for the snakes," Jeff tells him. "I'll eat them," he replies. He's not so cocky when he actually meets a snake on Exile Island, however. He quickly jumps up and runs for his machete. He starts swinging at it, and it takes him a couple of whacks to kill the critter. Earl doesn't like what he had to do though. "I couldn't take that chance," he says, then turns apologetically to the dead snake, "Sorry, buddy. I don't like killing animals." This is only slightly different from what my reaction would have been. I would have said, "AAAAAAAAAAAAH! Die! Die! Die!" Pretty much the same thing. At Camp Ravu everyone starts discussing who to vote off at Tribal Council. Sylvia is no longer the clear choice. Rocky wants Erica to go, due to her little outburst during the challenge. Anthony still thinks they should vote off Sylvia. Rita agrees. She and Anthony have seemed to form a little alliance. Tribal Council Jeff asks his asinine questions. Everyone says that Sylvia is bossy, which Jeff interprets as calling her "the leader". Sylvia says there's no way she could be the leader since she just came back from Exile. But she says she wants everyone to choose a leader tomorrow morning. Yeah, that's going to work. The votes are gathered, tabulated, checked for hanging chads. Of the votes that are counted, it's five to two against Erica. Erica is the second person voted off Survivor: Fiji. Next week - Sylvia digs around camp for the Immunity Idol. One of the male members of Moto experiences some sort of life-threatening emergency (or at least that's how it looks in the teaser).

Episode Recap: Survivor Fiji, Week 1

Episode: Something Cruel Is About to Happen ... Real Soon Original Air Date: February 8, 2007 Fiji - remote tropical islands lush with scenery and replete with primitive living conditions. Why haven't they thought of taping Survivor in some place like this before? They promise us there will be new twists this season, of course. One tribe will live the life of relative luxury in their camp while the other tribe will go without absolutely nothing. There are not one, but two Immunity Idols. And Exile Island is infested with "deadly" sea snakes. What the heck? If that's true, that's insane. Something tells me the snake situation isn't quite how they're portraying it. It would be awfully hard to insure the show if it were that dangerous. The show begins with all nineteen contestants rowing together in catamarans to the same beach on the same island. Jeff tells us in the narration that "fear of the unknown" caused one contestant to drop out even before it was time to row to the island. Unknown? The show is in its fourteenth season, for crying out loud. The group makes it to the beach, and afterward the atmosphere is so cordial you'd think there is a convention of Chronically Happy People taking place. It's always interesting to watch the social dynamics on Survivor descend from lovefest to Lord of the Flies. I'm still waiting for the season where it decends even farther into canabalism. Everyone on this island came with a nickname. There's construction worker "Boo", male cheerleading coach (why would any grown man admit to that?) "Dreamz", and a bartender named "Rocky" because he looks like a young Sylvester Stallone. They're like rappers! Soon, a herd mentality takes over as they all decide to do the same thing at the same time. Someone says, "You want to walk around?", and someone else says, "Hey, everybody let's walk around!" Then all eighteen castaways wander off in the same direction. It goes like that for awhile - "Hey, let's walk up here! Hey, let's look at this cave! Hey, let's climb this hill and look at the ocean!" Moo! Jeff Probst is nowhere to be found, and the fact that they have not been split up into seperate tribes yet is obvious to everyone. Just as the castaways are about to go batty from a complete and utter lack of direction, Jeff flies by on a small airplane and drops a wooden crate into the ocean. The entire herd jumps on the catamaran to go fetch the crate. Once they get the crate back to the island, the big guys try to smash it against a rock to open it. One he-man after another tries and fails when finally Yau Man, a tiny old gentleman who originates from Borneo, walks up, picks the crate up once, and smashes it against the rock, opening it. He says he knew from "simple physics" that the easiest way to open it would be by smashing the corner, or the weakest part, of the crate against the rock. The crate is full of instructions and maps of the island. The castaways are to search the island for a number of items, including parts to a toilet, and assemble them back in camp. They are to get this done by nightfall. The instructions tell the castaway that how they perform on this task will help determine their future on this island. Alex, an attorney, says he knows that something is up. "This is Survivor," he tells us, "something cruel is about to happen ... very soon." The castaways find all kinds of things to make their stay easier, including a complete set of pre-cut lumber to nail together with the provided hammers and nails in order to provide a shelter. They also find roof shingles and tons of tools, such as shovels and a level. Erica, a non-profit fundraiser, tells us it's never been so easy on Survivor, so she knows they're about to be thrown a "curve ball" at some point. Back at camp, Sylvia is looking over the plans that have been provided. She's an artitect, so she provides direction to the group as they try to build the shelter. Of course, people start to whine immediately about her trying to "dominate". How dare a knowledgable person take charge of a complicated project! She should let us run around all willy-nilly! Sylvia examines each wall post with a level and pronounces one of the posts "slightly askew". This causes Rocky to pause. "Everytime someone uses a big word in a sentence," he says, "we get to take a timeout... What's 'askoot' mean?" "It means not orthogonal," Sylvia explains. Well, that clears that up. Sylvia worries that the crew will not get the shelter built by nightfall, and she's right. The shelter is still without a roof by the time it gets dark. That's a little problem as it starts to rain, forcing everyone to hide under a bamboo mat. Day 2 The castaways finish building their shelter, which now includes a shingled roof, as well as a kitchen and outhouse ("small outdoor bathroom shed", for those of you raised in the city). Quiet little Yau Man actually manages to make tea for everyone. "You're the professor on this Gilligan's Island!" Earl tells him. Later on, Dreamz shares a little bit about his background with us. He says he's used to the living conditions on the island because he used to be homeless. No wonder he doesn't mind admitting he's a cheerleading coach. That's got to be a lot better than being homeless, no matter how much of a sissy it makes you. He tells us he's trying to 'make his presence known' to the other castaways at this point in the game. They become painfully aware of his presence come bedtime. He starts talking loudly about nonsense, and will not shut up, even when someone asks him to 'simmer down'. "Who told me to simmer down?" he yells, "When someone tells me to simmer down, that just adds fuel to my fire." That's a fire that keeps on burning. Later he asks, "How many white people we got here? [Dreamz is black] If you're white, raise your hand." Rocky finally gets tired of it and takes Dreamz outside the shelter to confront him. Dreamz says Rocky is trying to "belittle" him. Rocky goes to sleep outside by himself in disgust. Day 3 As the crew assembles on the beach for their first Immunity Challenge, they finally get to meet Jeff, which I'm sure will be the highlight of their whole Survivor experience. Jeff asks the castaways if they agree that Sylvia stepped up as a leader while they were building the shelter. They do, so he pulls her out and tells her to divide the group into two teams. After that is done, Sylvia is sent to Exile Island, which, Jeff tells her, she'll have to share with "thousands" of sea snakes. Once she is back from exile, she will join whichever team loses the next Immunity Challenge. The good news is that she's immune from getting voted off tonight and she will have an opportunity to look for one of the Immunity Idols amongst all those snakes. Whoopee. The Convoluted Immunity Challenge Each team is to pull a wooden "chariot" containing two of its members across a quarter-mile course, stopping every few yards on the first lap to untie bags of puzzle pieces from a hanging rope. Then they must finish the course and assemble the puzzle, which will spell out a list of numbers. They must then type those numbers into the computer in the hatch every 108 minutes ...sorry, wrong island show. Actually those numbers are the combination to a large wheel, which contains ... oh, for crying out loud. There's a chariot race and a puzzle. If you want more detail, record the darn show. The Moto tribe wins this challenge. Their reward is that they get to stay in their nice shelter that they built. When they return, they will find goblets, silverware, hammocks, a bush shower, and a nice soft couch. The losing tribe Ravu will have to go live on another beach where they will be provided with only one pot and one machete. And, of course, they will vote someone off the island tonight at Tribal Council. It's a lot like this season of Apprentice! The Ravu castaways row to their new, far inferior campsite. They all seem pretty jazzed about the situation, actually. All of them except Erica, that is. She is not jazzed, and can't figure out why everyone else is. Sylvia makes it to Exile Island, and yes, there are snakes everywhere. At least that's how it looks. There is at least one shot where Sylvia sees some snakes herself. I still don't buy it. There's no way they're going to throw someone in the middle of thousands of snakes. But I digress. Sylvia climbs the steps up the wooden tower and finds the clue to the Idol's location. The scroll says it's not on Exile Island, but somewhere back at camp. Enjoy the snakes! As Ravu tries to scheme, plot, and manipulate to figure out whom should be voted off tonight, I realize there are just too many people still around for me to care. Last season, segregating everyone by race was a stupid idea. But splitting the castaways up into four small teams instead of two big ones was not stupid. The personal dynamic is much more fun to watch among smaller groups. Rocky, Erica, and Jessica form a pretty tight alliance and appear to recruit Carl. They decide Rita should go. But there is another movement among the group to eliminate Jessica. Right now, the focus is on determining who is the weakest link. But no one discusses voting off elderly Yau Man. Perhaps it's out of respect for his age, or maybe everyone just assumes the weakest link must be a girl. Tribal Council Jessica, Rita, Mookie, and Yau Man all recieve at least one vote. See what I mean about there being too many people at this point? Jessica receives four votes and is the first person voted off Survivor: Fiji. Next week - Ravu Tribe is weak from lack of water, Earl kills a sea snake, and Boo keeps injuring himself.